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im embarassed to be here-whats wrong with me?

Old 07-27-2007, 05:47 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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you know it is very painful to divorce, it hurts like hell to feel alone after having a partner all those years. it sucks to see your family being torn apart by crack, or shall I just say addiction. I wanted to be sure that I did everything I could to try and save our marrige. I still hurt, its tough. I think that when I started to value me and my life things began to change. I began to stand up for myself and the things I believed in. It is a process but I knew that I didn't feel good and I had to be the one to change my life and make it better. I feel like I made a sacrifice. I still have not found anyone that can "MOVE" me like he did. However the pain I felt on a daily basis became so much to bear that leaving the marrige was less painful. He was really bad at this point...it was awful. I guess my point is that the key to feeling better is inside you. Once you start to take care of yourself and value yourself then I think the rest falls into place. Once you are healthy, then he will have to make a choice if he wants to be with you. I finally started taking the addict part out of the equation all together. I just wanted to be treated with respect....the way he was treated...PERIOD.
I used to feel the way you do when I had to come here and admit that I took him back. I think we are embarassed but we need this place so what can we do.? You are the only one that has to live with your choices. I used to get defensive when some people would tell me what I didn't want to hear. I would talk myself into being strong and then once the anger wore off and the fear started to creep in I would let him wear me down. It is all part of the process.
Hang in there, try keeping the focus on you!!!
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Old 07-27-2007, 06:08 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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drained

It is difficult dealing with drugs and the behaviors that go with it, but its worse when that person is someone you love .......and honestly noone can make your decisions or feel your pain we can share it and we can support each other but noone should judge and if they do maybe its because the "weakness" they see in you is some reflection of themself......I find that usually if something upsets me its because theres some direct connection to me.....if there werent I wouldnt care
the point is.........dont let others or opinions keep you from SR, this board and the people here can be great support when you have nowhere else to turn............I know this because in my weakest moment all I could do was come here and talk to these great friends who really care.............

hang in there and do whats right for you today we dont know what tomorrow will have in store and I choose to live knowing I did all I could.......rather than look back with regret
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Old 07-27-2007, 07:46 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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(((((dw))))

I wish I had a dollar for every time I went back to my marriage, to my exah...trying to recapture the life I thought we had.

Everytime I went back, I learned something new. I gained some new insight into what I was doing...what he was doing...and, most importantly, what I wanted (and didn't want) out of life...

Please don't ever be ashamed to come here and share whats happening in your life. You might hear things that sting once in a while...but sometimes its good to be challenged to think about what your doing and why.

Keep coming back...
Your among friends here...
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Old 07-27-2007, 10:36 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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drained,

I am so glad you came back and posted. I have been thinking of you often and as I mentioned before, I will always offer you support in what ever decision you make. Please don't feel embarassed for any decision you make, like all of us, you love a person with an addiction.

I don't think you are crazy or that something is wrong with you, your world has been turned upside down by something that can't be understood or fully comprehended by those of us who are not addicts.

I think it took alot of strength for you to come back and want to continue to work through this. I hope you continue to post, to learn and grow and know you do have support here from so many.

Thank you for letting us know how you are and what's been going on.
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