rozied

Wish I had better news this am but it looks like my *#**$$%% parents are at it again.
AS called me a few times last nite to tell me he missed me & why didn't I just tell him I can't without hanging up etc etc.
Then he says you should know that whatever you say to Nana & Pop I can fix. Pop is picking me up so I can get my clothes & they are giving me their address.

I am soul sick & haven't even called my parents yet. Yesterday morning when I spoke to them they assured me they wouldn't help.

Diane

Live

Diane...it's the three c's....you can't change them or control them either.

dollydo

You will never stop your parents, they will never change. They will ride on the rollercoaster with him until they die.

Have you tried telling your parents you do not wish to discuss your son with them? If they start, you can just say, Gotta go.

It appears the hierarchy in your family is this one son/grandson. He appears to be the pivot that everything circulates around, the King.

What kind of relationship would you have with your parents, if this son was not in the picture?

Quite honestly, I wouldn't call your parents, I'd let it sit where it is, squarely on their shoulders, it is apparent that you words and wishes have no impact on them.

Sorry that this saga continues.

marle

Rozied, We have not enabled our daughter for more than a year. Her abf has and now it is the abf's mom. They are living with her and although she is not by any means wealthy, she gives them money. I understand that she has her own "issues". I have thought about talking to her, but realize that it will do no good. She has to know that her son and my daughter are addicts. Impossible not to know. I figure she still thinks that she is "helping". Sometimes it frustrates me, but from what I have seen, their situation is continuing in a downward spiral and things will eventually catch up to them no matter how many people are enabling. Same with your son. If your parents want to take him to get his clothes, let them. Your son still has whatever consequences he has to pay for his arrest and you know that if he continues to do drugs he will end up facing more jail time. Let the chips fall where they may, just keep your side of the street clean. That is all that you can do for now. Hugs, Marle

hope213

i am sorry dianne. i wish your parents would learn hands off the addict. i know makes you mad that he would even call your elderly parents for anything clean or sober.sending prayers,

rozied

I know you are all right but it is just so frustrating............can't they understand everytime they help (???) its the same thing over and over.

At least now he is in work release where there are strict rules, if they give him their address he will be free except for reporting to parole to do what he wants...oh part of the parole is D & A counseling.

Dolly my son is 40. He has been part of the family for a long time. I really don't know what kind of a relationship we would have if not for my son. It seems they don't respect anything I have to say.

bookmiser

((((((Rozied)))))))

I say let the chips fall where they may. I feel sorry for your parents.
I think it was Dolly, who once said, your parents came from a different
time and place in this world. They believe the "support" they give will miraculously save their grandson. It's a shame they don't see what we see.

Sending many prayers up for you, them, and especially for him.
He needs them more now than ever. Cause one day, it may not be tomorrow, but one day, he's gonna look around and there's no one to fix things and he'll have to suffer and take the responsibilities all on himself. Alone.
I will say a prayer for his rock bottom.
Try to detach from everyone for a few days and just focus on you and your needs.
It's a trying time right now. I know it's drivin' ya crazy. It would me too.
Much love and understanding,
Linda

dollydo

I was just trying to think this thru, lodgic it out.

There are several topics that I just don't discuss with my parents, if they bring them up , I say, sorry, not going to discuss that, if they continue, I bid them a goodbye, talk to you some other time. These topics are topics that I can discuss with most everyone else, just not them...all we do is go round n' round with no conclusion, so I just don't go there with them.

My question about your relationship with your parents was prompted by my ex-hubby. Everything was funnelled through the father, the siblings really had no one to one relationship, everything was about the Daddy, the King, the chosen one.
It was so strange to me, that's all they ever talked about and worried about, Daddy...well Daddy finally died and the siblings haven't seen each other since then, they no longer had anything in common. The pivot was gone.

I agree, they are not taking "you" into consideration.

pjbs55

Diane,
I am sorry you parents are being blockheads where your son is concerned. They will never learn. They think they are helping him and don't realize or don't want to realize they are only hurting him. They are from the old school that family comes first no matter what. We with addicts who work a program know differently. Family comes first but the addict we don't help, unless it is to take to program or rehab.
Your parents won't get it Diane, so I would just say I am not going to talk about this or that and change subject or say I have to go bye.
Sending prayers to you and your family
Hugs

parentrecovers

square one equals step one......

blessings, k

newblue82

I guess it's a sore spot of mine, the idea of someone undermining a parent's efforts to raise their child to be healthy, happy, and efficient. I understand that as grandparents, they have a tendency to indulge and try to spoil their grandchildren but in this, should they help him, I think it'd be kind of a low blow. Let's hope they have enough respect for you and love for their grandson not to interfere. No doubt they're just as aware of the concept of the 3 C's as you are and I hope they take heed. Best wishes.

Lightenup

Just thinking of you. No words, just a hug.

Bets

Spiritual Seeker

Soul-sick...I know the feeling. Remember the serenity prayer: having the wisdom to know the things you can change and accepting the things you can't. We all have diff. vesrions of addicted child all different stories. Yet we all know the insanity of it.
Sounds like you are doing your part and that's all ya can do.

Wascally Wabbit

What would happen if he got out and stayed with your parents?
If something did happen that was truly bad, like stealing from them, would they put up with it?