I just don't understand
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 10
I just don't understand
Ok, well I know that I shouldn't want to be with my ex-abf, but I find myself wanting to be near him. I miss him. I regret turning off his phone. I feel really bad about doing that. Part of me wants to turn it back on, but I know that that will not solve all of the problems. It will not make him love me, it will not make him apologize for the pain he has caused me. I want him to get better. I want him to stay sober. I do not wish any pain on him. I just wish I could hear him say that he was sorry and that he did really love me, that cheating on me was not my fault, it was just stupid.
I feel really depressed about this entire situation. How do I get over wanting to be near him? How do I convince myself that if he really did love me, he wouldn't have done any of this to me? It just isn't sticking in my head!!!
I feel really depressed about this entire situation. How do I get over wanting to be near him? How do I convince myself that if he really did love me, he wouldn't have done any of this to me? It just isn't sticking in my head!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
Your feelings are totally normal at least u do understand that no matter what u buy him or how much u do for him it wont make him fall back in love for u. The only thing that helped me was time and NO contact it gets easier everyday. I wouldnt pay his cell phone nor would I turn it back on he could be jerk enough to run the bill up and NOT pay then what your stuck with a broken heart and broken credit.
When me and exabf broke up I thought my world was ending he was the only one I wanted to be with. It was so heartbreaking to let go on him but for my own sanity and my own life I had too. Not even a week after we broke up he moved in with some girl!!! While I was still crying, still lonley, still mourning our break-up. HOW could he do that to me? I still dont know and I dont need to know now I am in a HEALTHY relationship and I am happy. Time will heal your broken heart.
When me and exabf broke up I thought my world was ending he was the only one I wanted to be with. It was so heartbreaking to let go on him but for my own sanity and my own life I had too. Not even a week after we broke up he moved in with some girl!!! While I was still crying, still lonley, still mourning our break-up. HOW could he do that to me? I still dont know and I dont need to know now I am in a HEALTHY relationship and I am happy. Time will heal your broken heart.
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Kj0975 is so right. When I broke up with my ex many yrs ago distance is what finally woke me up. When you break contact it gives you a chance to see things like they really are. Don't have any contact with him...........it helps.
Love,
Diane
Love,
Diane
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
((((mka))))
I know how you feel. I really do.
You have to give yourself time to grieve the end of your relationship...the death of a 'dream' that you had. It takes time but it does get easier...it does! Be patient and loving with yourself right now. Don't beat yourself up because you miss him.
Be careful about reaching out...because each time you jump back into the fray with the addict, it just prolongs the grieving process.
Hugs...
I know how you feel. I really do.
You have to give yourself time to grieve the end of your relationship...the death of a 'dream' that you had. It takes time but it does get easier...it does! Be patient and loving with yourself right now. Don't beat yourself up because you miss him.
Be careful about reaching out...because each time you jump back into the fray with the addict, it just prolongs the grieving process.
Hugs...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
nothing you do will change the fact that he is an addict.it takes alot of recovery for u to be able to let go of him.this is your choice.staying or leaving him will not keep him clean.i am sorry for your pain.keep coming here,there is hope.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 59
mka,
I agree with what everyone here has suggested. I think we all go through this, but the key word is "through". I had a very tough time with my exagf because I wasn't just ending it with her, but her daughter who I loved as much as my own son. I found that everytime there was contact, and to this deal she still tried to manipulate her way back into my life, that my engaging just led to more hurt, more aggravation, and more doubt in myself as to knowing that what I was doing was the right thing for myself and for my son. Things won't get better, they will only get worse, and as long as well allow ourselves to believe everything they tell us, what we end up doing is believing what we want to, and not in the truth. Some may disagree with me here on this, but I do believe that the addict loves as much as is possible, that somewhere inside there is a part of them that does know how much they hurt others, but that that love is not good or healthy for anyone because the addict never puts anything first outside of their DOC. It hurts, but it does get better. When I recieve emails or phone calls from my exagf, I now do not respond. Guess what? Not responding is taking control of your own life and not giving it over to someone who couldn't care less about what you go through, because it really is all about them and only about them.
I agree with what everyone here has suggested. I think we all go through this, but the key word is "through". I had a very tough time with my exagf because I wasn't just ending it with her, but her daughter who I loved as much as my own son. I found that everytime there was contact, and to this deal she still tried to manipulate her way back into my life, that my engaging just led to more hurt, more aggravation, and more doubt in myself as to knowing that what I was doing was the right thing for myself and for my son. Things won't get better, they will only get worse, and as long as well allow ourselves to believe everything they tell us, what we end up doing is believing what we want to, and not in the truth. Some may disagree with me here on this, but I do believe that the addict loves as much as is possible, that somewhere inside there is a part of them that does know how much they hurt others, but that that love is not good or healthy for anyone because the addict never puts anything first outside of their DOC. It hurts, but it does get better. When I recieve emails or phone calls from my exagf, I now do not respond. Guess what? Not responding is taking control of your own life and not giving it over to someone who couldn't care less about what you go through, because it really is all about them and only about them.
Live, Laugh, Love
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
"Some may disagree with me here on this, but I do believe that the addict loves as much as is possible, that somewhere inside there is a part of them that does know how much they hurt others, but that that love is not good or healthy for anyone because the addict never puts anything first outside of their DOC."
I couldn't agree more with the above statement, and i think for me my ex didn't love himself enough to love me.....unfortunately....
DFS...you are so right, no contact is the best way and the ONLY way, i know its soooo hard but each day does get better. My xrabf did some pretty crappy stuff to me and when we ended things he called and said he hoped to talk soon, that was 3 weeks ago and i didn't respond, there's nothing to say.
They chose their path (wrong way) and you deserve to be treated so much better, i personally would never disrespect my X or treat him badly. He chose to go away with his exgf while we were on a "break" and that to me is unacceptable and unforgivable... (((mka))) you will get through this, like another post mentioned, there is light at the end of this sad tunnel
I couldn't agree more with the above statement, and i think for me my ex didn't love himself enough to love me.....unfortunately....
DFS...you are so right, no contact is the best way and the ONLY way, i know its soooo hard but each day does get better. My xrabf did some pretty crappy stuff to me and when we ended things he called and said he hoped to talk soon, that was 3 weeks ago and i didn't respond, there's nothing to say.
They chose their path (wrong way) and you deserve to be treated so much better, i personally would never disrespect my X or treat him badly. He chose to go away with his exgf while we were on a "break" and that to me is unacceptable and unforgivable... (((mka))) you will get through this, like another post mentioned, there is light at the end of this sad tunnel
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