happy33

I'm considering letting the ABF come back. I know so many of you will probably be disgusted with me, but I love him so much and from the times when he has been sober, I know he loves me too.

I'm just thinking though that maybe it is selfish of me to give him a landing pad again. Maybe if I don't he will hit bottom and get help, right? BUT at the same time, I know he has had bouts of suicidal depression and I wouldn't be surprised if he went through with it this time. I couldn't live with myself if that happened!!!

hope213

you know what you want to do.we can not make choices for you just as you can not make chioces for your a.b.f...you still have our support & i will say a prayer for you both. just remember that it does not matter what you do you can not save him.your decision.... hugs,

caileesnana

As the IOP counselor told me last night about my daugher "I can't fix her...only she can." I think you are setting yourself up for alot of pain and frustration, in my opinion! THere are many other fish in the sea. However, it is your choice, noone elses. We'll all be here for support either way! Another thought someone much wiser shared with me a few months ago, you can't love them enough to change it! I love my daughter more than life, she loves drugs!
susan

Lobo

Be careful you might be setting your self up for more pain than you have now. As the addiction progresses the problems become greater. You know how much you can endure.......but please take care of yourself.

Hugs and prayers...........Lo

Wascally Wabbit

From my own experience, addicts use all methods of manipulation to get what they want. I listened to my exh tell me how he was going to kill himslef.
He never did.
But, it kept ME in complete fear.
I have heard countless other women and men say their other half kept them in fear of suicide.

I suppose as long as you know what to expect if he comes back, and you know what you want out of life, then you will be able to make a good decision about what to do.

raerae6

I had a bf who was suffering from clinical depression and was sometimes talked about suicide. Usually he would bring this up as i was headed out the door on my way to work, then I would have to decide whether to take a day off (again) or go to work and worry all day. He was a chronic pot smoker and drank sometimes.

Our relationship fell apart and I didn't know how to tell him, so I went to a counselor. She told me that it would not be my fault if he committed suicide. We talked it out and decided to part. We are still friends (platonic) six years later.

He still struggles with depression, and he still uses alcohol and pot even though he knows it is not good for him. he still does not follow doctor's orders and go for counseling or take his meds regularily. He still is chronically under-employed.

I guess what i'm getting at is that You cannot save this man from himself. you do not have the POWER over whether he does ever kill himself or not. You can only control what you do.

Sometimes it is better to have a painful ending to a relationship than a painful relationship with out end.

hugs, lisa

happy33

Thank you all so much. I am taking in what you are saying. Really.

After much texting earlier, I offered him a place to stay for the night. I have no idea where he is now, and he isn't answering his phone (he did say he might go to a meeting so benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise), but I will stick with the offer. If he shows up at my place at 11:30 tonight loaded, then I will let him sleep and tomorrow I will help him load his car up with the rest of his belongings from my house and say good-bye.

Again, thank you all SOOOOOO much. The wisdom and support here are amazing.

ladyamalthea

I know how much you want to let him come back... but here's the thing: if he truly has suicidal depression, there is nothing you can do to save him from himself. It all goes back to the 3c's: didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it. I go through bouts of depression as well, and I can honestly tell you that when I'm that low there is absolutely nothing that the people I love or who love me can say or do to make me feel better... it's like I just have to ride it out. If they find a way to cheer me up about one thing, I find something else to be upset about... not necessarily because I want to be upset, but because when I'm depressed like that it's like I can't gather the strength to pull out of it.

I don't know that it's really selfishness that makes you want to bring him back... if it's anything like what I felt for my sister, it's almost like I thought I could protect her from the issues that caused her to use. Unfortunately, that doesn't work either. They have to hit rock bottom; if they don't, they will never see a need to find their way out.

My heart is with you tonight, as I know exactly where you are...

*hugs and prayers*

krhea75

I don't mean to be harsh, but DON"T DO IT! YOu have a choice here. Think about yourself. Sorry if that was too mean. Said with love and concern for you.
krhea