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Old 07-25-2007, 06:50 AM
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worried

AD started her job last nite, said she would be in between 12-1230. I awoke at 130, no Kasey! No Kasey @5am. Once again I had the all nite, sick, nauseous misery. She has been doing remarkedly well, now this. I'm guessing she met up w/ someone new and went to hang/ chill for a while and fell asleep. Whatever still unacceptable and she broke the home contract in: no not coming home, no lying, curfew, driving car anywhere except AA, IOP and private therapy. How can 1 day on a job change everything you've worked so hard for. I was afraid w/ her working evenings she would get off her "routine schedule" that has worked SO well. It only took one day!

I've left a message for her counselor. I know what I now have to do and I don't want to! THe last time I put her out she got worse--in all way imaginable. But, she signed the contract and agreed to the rules, hell, she wrote the rules!!!

I will stand strong and barring an auto accident w/ proof of hospitalization, she will have to find another "recovery home".

Why doesn't she think??? I drove by the drug shack and the car wasn't there. I don't think she would go back there as she has really worked through so much and talked w/ the detective about the abuse--physical and drugs. She says she is scared of him and wishes he were dead. Through all the ranch and IOP she has worked with this and the rape. I pray she has not gone back there. But if she did, she once again will be on her own. If I sign a contract I stick to it. I'm scared once again we are doing our "program" for nothing.

Amazing, it didn't surprise me. Disappoint yes, made me mad, yes. But, I'm not as anxious and scared as before. I know there is nothing I can do but be me and stand my ground. Her daddy is devestated. This time he finally stood his ground, went to every meeting, took time off w/ her and feels the kicked in the teeth symptom. Ive felt it many times, this is his first.

Pray for us please/
susan
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Old 07-25-2007, 07:05 AM
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Prayers going out for you and your family.

Yea we give them an inch and they take a mile...Stand your ground or you won't have any left is my experience.
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Old 07-25-2007, 07:10 AM
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i'm sorry, susan - those sleepless nights are horrible. you are not working your program for nothing - it's for your recovery. and it's progress, not perfection.

blessings, k

(extra prayers to you and your family)
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Old 07-25-2007, 07:11 AM
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I'm so sorry...keeping her in my prayers.
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Old 07-25-2007, 07:19 AM
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((((((((((SUSAN)))))))))) I am so so sorry for you right now. Don't jump to conclusions until you know. It could be an innocent mistake. I know you are thinking the worst right now. Does she have a phone with her? Sounds like you are staying strong. Stick to your boundries.
You and Kasey are in my prayers. I'll call you later.
I love you and kasey............you'll get through whatever comes your way.

Prayers coming your way now..............Lois
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Old 07-25-2007, 07:42 AM
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Susan, Keeping you and Kasey in my prayers. Been there and I know it hurts like hell. A recovery house may be the thing that she needs. She is young and if my daughter is anything like yours, they need their freedom. She made the contract because she thought that she could honor it. Same with my daughter. Please try not to take it personally. If she has relapsed, you will know it soon enough. If not, a different living situation may still be in YOUR best interest. That way if she comes home late or not at all, it is not your problem. Like I have said before, my daughter will never live with me again, clean or not. She is an adult and needs to make her own way in the world. Hugs and prayers coming your way. Marle
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Old 07-25-2007, 08:55 AM
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Caileesnana
Sending prayers your way. I know the feeling of daughter not coming home. I know you are worried, but sounds like you have been working your program and doing what you need to do. I know this must be hard to stick to your boundries. Stay strong and know we are here if you need to vent.
Hugs
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Old 07-25-2007, 08:56 AM
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I'm sorry Caileesnana,
I know how hard the disappointment is to get past.
Prayers that she had a temp lapse in judgement, and that she gets back on track.
(((Hugs)))
Cece
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Old 07-25-2007, 09:08 AM
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I am so sorry... I know that has to hurt. I have no advice on the matter because that is one thing I never have had to do...

you guys are in my prayers.

*hugs*
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Old 07-25-2007, 09:27 AM
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prayers for you & kasey. i hope she just went to sleep somewhere too. i hope she bee bopped in this morning all fresh.let us hear from you.i know how worried this can make you.don't forget to take care of you.hugs,
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Old 07-25-2007, 09:46 AM
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Any word yet?
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Old 07-25-2007, 10:07 AM
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ditto to done with it's question....

support, k
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Old 07-25-2007, 10:26 AM
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Susan.........Did she call yet?
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Old 07-25-2007, 11:05 AM
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Originally Posted by caileesnana View Post
I will stand strong and barring an auto accident w/ proof of hospitalization, she will have to find another "recovery home".

Amazing, it didn't surprise me. Disappoint yes, made me mad, yes. But, I'm not as anxious and scared as before. I know there is nothing I can do but be me and stand my ground. Her daddy is devestated. This time he finally stood his ground, went to every meeting, took time off w/ her and feels the kicked in the teeth symptom. Ive felt it many times, this is his first.

Pray for us please/
susan
Mom-to Mom, I am sorry that you are having to experience this disappointment again.

I encourage you to continue to stand strong.

Prayers and hugs to you and Kasey. Keep us informed.
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Old 07-25-2007, 11:07 AM
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Hi Ya'll,

No, she has not called either me or dad. The IOP counselor did call back. I told him what happend and he said this is addict behavior and if she shows tonight a drug test will be done. He did on on Monday, so she probably thought she had a free ride or something. I was also after talking to him made aware of several lies over the last two days ie..she left there at 9pm, not 1030 like she said, there was no construction on the freeway as the counselor comes the same way!, she was told we were to be there today for family group and never mentioned it, and finally, the BEST--she told him I was a "control freak trying to run her life". Makes me wonder now about the flat tire last week!!

He said she was doing well in class, but with these lies, not calling, not coming home, she had most likely relapsed. He asked me what was I prepared to do. I told him the contrac she wrote stated she would be told to live elsewhere. He said "I strongly suggest you do that or you will have to watch her try to destroy herself again." He still wants us to come tonight, in case she shows he wants to confront her.

She won't show...she is gone again, I can feel it. I have done this too many times. WHY WHY WHY...I have not been controlling. I don't butt into her homework or ask questions about the meetings, only money questions about the IOP. I really thought she was trying. She has once again made me a fool. Right now, I hate her so much!!! Cailee, my granddaughter, woke up this am first thing "where's my Kasey". Grandpa said, I don't know. She looked in her room and said, It's dark, she said she'd come home. I CAN"T TAKE IT ANYMORE. It's bad enough that we are having to do this again, but that baby is not going to suffer because her her self acquired addiction! Right now, if she OD"s I would be glad. It would be over.

I am so, so sad, sick and disappointed--but not surprised! I am mad at God for allowing something good to happen and now pulling the rug out. I am mad at the insurance for making her leave, I am plain ol' MAD.


Thank you all for the notes, It is still nice to know someone knows how I feel.
susan
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Old 07-25-2007, 11:18 AM
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Susan, I want to tell you that it will get better because it will. I want to tell you that you will come to a place of compassion and love instead of anger and hate because you will. But right now, I know you have to feel those feelings so that you can get through them and to the other side. So I will just send you lots of mom hugs and prayers right now. Prayers for your whole family. Esp for your granddaughter. Hugs, Marle
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Old 07-25-2007, 11:28 AM
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oh susan, please try to let go of your fear. take a few deep breaths. i am so very sorry for your pain today. i will continue to pray for your daughter's safe return to recovery. and for the rest of your family to find peace in this difficult time.

blessings, k
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Old 07-25-2007, 01:21 PM
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update

The IOP counselor called. The drug test he did Monday came back dirty for cocaine! She's gone all the way around...that was her first drug right out of high school. The alcohol test is not back

Did she once again just find someone/anyone to hang out with and is doing the drugs they are or is this going to be a cycle over and over??? I thought most had a DOC. Her's is EVERYTHING!
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Old 07-25-2007, 01:39 PM
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Originally Posted by caileesnana View Post
The IOP counselor called. The drug test he did Monday came back dirty for cocaine! She's gone all the way around...that was her first drug right out of high school. The alcohol test is not back

Did she once again just find someone/anyone to hang out with and is doing the drugs they are or is this going to be a cycle over and over??? I thought most had a DOC. Her's is EVERYTHING!
How old is she? She's still in High School? I thought she was older than that?

From what I've seen addicts either do just one drug or they do them all, but most will do anything. I only like my one, that was it. But I think that's more rare.

I'm sorry, so sorry. I know how you had your hopes up so high.

I know she probably had every intention on doing the right thing also. It's easy in rehab or treatment to do it, and to think you can. But once you go into the real world the test begins.

But that's no excuse nor does it ease your pain. I wish I could say something that did. Just remember this is about her and the drugs, not about you. It's just not her time. Your doing right by getting her out.

Drugs are so freaking powerful it makes me sick....

I really am sorry........

(((...)))
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Old 07-25-2007, 01:45 PM
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That is rotten and selfish, and I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope that you feel better once you follow thru with the terms your contract and know that even then, there is hope, especially when you show the addict that there are serious consequences to using drugs.
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