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Old 07-27-2007, 04:12 PM
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One more thing. If you have not read "Addict in the Family" it is a good read and one that helped me a lot. Hugs, Marle
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Old 07-27-2007, 08:07 PM
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susan,the drugs make her insane,& our children make us insane. i am so sorry she is doing this.my son says the demons in the closet pull him out.it is an awful diease. none of the addicts want to be an addict. some are just stronger than other.try as i might i do not understand it..i am saying alot of prayers for you & for her. hugs,
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Old 07-27-2007, 08:16 PM
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Angry

I truly don't understand either. A disease can be treated--HTN,DM,asthma. A mental illness only works IF you take the proper med. I think addicition is more of a mental illness. No one in their right mind would put chemicals into their body, knowing it will kill them by OD or HIV, HEP, etc, know better, get better, and make a clear mind, stone cold sober decision to go back!!!!!!!

That is my unexpert opinion. THen they say they are ashamed and love us??????
Right now, I don't want that kind of love! I know we all make mistakes, I have made many, but you learn--fire burns, dont' stick your hand in. No my daughter, she is hell bent on destroying herself.

Her "new" lost job called. She was supposed to be there. Guess the drug pusher preditor couldn't rise up and "get a ride" to get "the woman" to work. I hate him and wish he were dead. The police do nothing, but they "are watching and working on it" HE IS A DRUG DEALER and is killling middle school children w/ that crap. BUST HIM!!!!!!!

LIke Toby Keith and Willie Nelson sing "a man's gotta pay for the wicked thangs he done"...."find a tall oak tree and string up all a them bad boys for every body to see". If we still had this type of justice, or Charles Bronson(!) there wouldn't be as much crap killing little children and idiots like my daughter.

The only peace I have is that God (the one I am mad at) knows the truth and what is happening/happened and will hold them all accountable. That is what I hold on to. And I am holding on my my finger tips!
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Old 07-27-2007, 08:36 PM
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[QUOTE=caileesnana;1428209]I called the Dallas police and reported the incident. They will listen to the tapes and discipline appropriately, or so they say!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I reported a police lady who laughed and totally humilated me, I didn't think
they would take it seriously, she ended up losing her job over it. That wasn't
what I wanted, but once it's on paper, they do take it seriously, at least here
they do. Good for you!

~~~~



I need to calm down, having panic attacks and mean, bad thoughts. I won't follow through on them, it's her life. But I'm having them!!

Has anyone ever felt or gotten to the point when you felt you didn't love your child anymore? I have never until today. I hated her actions, loved her, and would have given my life. Today, I fell nothing for her and I now that is not right.
Any suggestions or help appreciated--my therapist is out until monday!!!

~~~~~~~~


Our brains do what is has to do to protect us sometimes. As long as you don't act on it, then you feel what you feel and you have every right to feel.

There's no manual on how to raise a daughter on drugs or how to feel about it.
Mother-Daughter relationships are already complicated enough without drugs.

Take some deep breaths, and maybe journal, getting your feelings out always helps or keep posting.

Hang in there, I'm thinking about you!

((((....))))
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Old 07-27-2007, 09:09 PM
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I honestly think it is great that you can get your anger out here!
It really helps me....it needs to get out and not be internalized and for me, writing in a journal is not the same as yelling around here and other people hearing it....when I am MAD, I am MAD. And it really seems to process it quicker this way for me. Helps me get it out and get it out of the way.

I am glad your have so much strength, it really shows! And so many resources available.

Just take care of yourself and don't let this break you, k?

Seems all you actions have been smart ones!
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Old 07-27-2007, 09:13 PM
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Caileesnana
I am keeping you and your family in my prayers. I have felt the anger you feel towards your daughter. I pray that one day I will feel compassion for her like Marle said; but right now I am just sad for the life she has chosen. I pray your daughter hits a bottom soon and wants a different path in life. But we all know it has to be her decision. Don't let that anger stay for very long. It will eat you alive. You deserve to be happy. I am praying for serenity for all of us here.
HUGS
Terri
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Old 07-27-2007, 11:07 PM
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"Lord, grant me the ability to accept the people I cannot change, the strength to change the people I can, and the wisdom to know it's me."-Hello Kitty

I like that. Thanks for sharing it, Kitty.

((((((Caileesnana)))))))

There was I time that I was so depressed, lost, and filled with hurt and anger.
I honestly thought about different scenarios of how to kill my son and then myself.
I'd have to kill myself, you see. Cause I wouldn't have been able to live with myself for doing it. Crazy, huh?
Sometimes ya just get to a point....
I suggest you get to meetings asap. The people there can relate to you and give you support and advice face to face. Sounds like you could really use an up close and personal friend right now. Wish it were me. I'd hold ya up.

You stay strong and take care of you, sweetie. Here if ya need to talk.
Linda
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Old 07-28-2007, 04:34 AM
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(((Susan)))

I have hated both my as and ad to the point that I wished they would just walk away and I would never have to see them again.
I've also wanted to take my husband and grandson and move away and leave no forwarding address.
I've been awake since 4:30 this morning. Ad is actively using again. Even when she isn't here she manages to make my life miserable.
________________________
Trish
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Old 07-28-2007, 04:54 AM
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I just read through this entire thread. I understand your disappointment and, beyond that, I understand your anger.

I just wnat to add one thing.. having been mad at God myself for "injustices" I have come to the conclusion that God places us on this earth with tools and brains and guidance to choose a good life. After that, it is up to US.

God has not turned His back on you or your daughter. Your Daughter has turned her back on God.

You didn't cause it, can't control it.. and neither can God. Only your daughter can and she has made her choice.
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Old 07-28-2007, 06:21 AM
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((((((susan))))))

I'm so sorry to hear about all of this.
Its just so sad...such a damn shame...
Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers today...
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Old 07-28-2007, 08:03 AM
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One of the other people who was at the last rehab lives aboutg 30 miles away. Kasey was supposed to see her therapist today at 830am and then they were going to a meeting together.

He called last night to see what time and where....I didn't tell him. I couldn't find the words. I think at first it is embarressment and anger, but a part of me doesn't want to hurt him or have him know she failed, again. He asked me to have her call when she "came in". I just said "OK, I will. How are you doing". Great guy, parents, and he is doing so well. ENrolled in a sober college for the fall. This is the kid who at the first family group said he didn't know why he was there. The therapist said "could 7 DWI's have anything to do w/ it?" He just laughed. He finally admitted he was an alcoholic. He and Kasy had an "agreement" to help each other when they got out. I guess his agreement and my contract can both be used for toilet paper!

I'm still angry today, but slept well finally. I read Psalms 22 last nite, and the book of Job. As someone said, she turned her back on God, he is still there. She turned her back on her family and herself. again.

I try and put it out of my mind, but I envision her doing the drugs, being beaten, having nothing--looking like she did May 22 when I picked her up to go to detox. She was desparate for help and got it, then went right back.

I didn't think my heart could be broken anymore, but it did. I only hope she is miserable! Why couldn't she just call and say "i messed up". She knew she would have to go to a recovery home, but it is easier to drug out and think of nothing. She couldn't beleive all that had happened the last few months she was gone--she was like Rip Van Winkle. If she wakes up again, my parents may be dead as they are not in good health. She will eventually look like a druggie, God has saved her from that so far.

I know she is in God's hands w/ her own decisions. He has protected her thus far, but evidently she dosent listen.

Please continue to pray for me, and her, and our family. My son doesn't know yet and I can see the look and hear his words already! I'm not going to tell my parents and sister, they will know soon enough!

Happy Saturday to all!! Thank goodness the week is over and I can fall apart at home w/ noone watching, or stay in my gown, or sit by the pool. I don't have to be responsbile for anthing right now!!!!


susan
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Old 07-28-2007, 08:12 AM
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I don't have any words of wisdom but just wanted to say sorry your going through this. Have felt your pain an fustration before, wish I could help. Sending prayers an hugs.
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Old 07-28-2007, 07:05 PM
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i am glad it is the weekend too & you can take this time to relax.let it go & let God take care of it.He handles things we can't.my thought & prayers are with you & your daughter.
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Old 07-28-2007, 07:08 PM
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((((((((((((((((((susan)))))))))))))))))))) i am still here sis!
You are going thru everything I fear I will have to. I so do not want my son to fail/relapse. I told Tim last night. He said he knew of several that had relapsed and was surprised to hear about Kasey.
Lou Ann
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Old 07-29-2007, 05:11 AM
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I'm sorry, I feel your pain, I've been just where you are. IVe lost a fiancee to drugs but the worst pain I have ever been in was when my daughter was doing the same things and was in my home. I remember driving around in the middle of the night looking for her,not sleeping, stomach churning...all of it. I don't know if she is still using or not, I do know that the reason I have my grandson is because she was using a few months ago[blood work]. She lost her license[again]. My advice is to stick to your guns. We can't stop the behavior, we can stop having to watch it replay over and over in front of our eyes. I know you love her, bless you and yours
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Old 07-29-2007, 11:42 AM
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((((((((((((Calliesnana)))))))))))))))))))))
I am sooooooo sorry for all you have been going through. I don't know how I missed all this, but haven't been on that much.
I know exactly how you feel when your mad at her, they just seem to be taking stupid pills sometimes. It does help to vent here, with those who can really understand.
Be easy on yourself and know that we understand how you feel every step of the way.
Have a good weekend, do something good for you, you deserve it.
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