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Old 07-25-2007, 10:34 PM
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[QUOTE=hello-kitty;1425327]You are probably right about the not caring about herself either.

Designer addict luggage = plastic bags.

Oh my gosh........I delivered my daughters designer luggage 2 days ago. That is soooo the truth.

Linda
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Old 07-25-2007, 10:45 PM
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Sorry... I'm praying this is just a slip an she will get back on her program.
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Old 07-25-2007, 11:32 PM
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My heart hurts for ya, caileesnana... I remember how much this just HURTS.

My sponsor had me reading from every daily reader we had, doubling up on face to face meetings, and calling my alanon phone tree daily.

Today, I know that is excellent advice. I couldn't always do all of what she suggested, but I did as much as I could...and things got better.

My prayers are that this horrible painful part passes soon, and that you can be filled with love, and peace and ... serenity.

(((hugs)))
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Old 07-26-2007, 04:03 AM
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Caileesnana,

So sorry you have to go through this.

You are amazingly strong in knowing what to do. I can only imagine how it hurts.

It took my wife putting my stuff on the porch in addict designer luggage (plastic bags) for me to start hitting bottom.

Step out her way like you intend.

Let her fall

Pray that when she falls it is hard enough for her to want to change, and not so hard that she can never stand up again.

Strength to you and your family.

I hold you in my thoughts
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Old 07-26-2007, 05:40 AM
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Susan, When I pray for my daughter today, I pray for God's Will not mine. I pray that she has a moment of clarity. It is still not easy because I want what I want now and am a little impatient about waiting. Keeping you and your daughter in my prayers. Hugs, Marle
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Old 07-26-2007, 06:47 AM
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thanks again

To all of you. I am not having tearful binges so far today, so that is progress! Still no word. I went to the meeting as the IOP counselor asked. She didn't show (knew she wouldn't) but I got to talk to him for a few minutes, so had a little free therapy!

I do love her and pray for her, but I don't like her again. She can't quote all the facts, knows more about what "chemicals" she is "destroying" herself with and does it again. I kinda pity her. I spoke w/ her AA sponsor, she didn't go out to eat w/ her as I was told on Friday, but the other person "pinky" is not long clean and sponsor is going to investigate. Probably nothing, but I felt better knowing the sponsor was concerned w/ what had happened. She said when she met w/ Kasey Sat am to work on steps, all she wanted to talk about was a job and moving out. Sponsor talked to her that things take time, need to be in good environment, etc. She admitd she was worried about her and would let me know if any contact made.

So, another day...anothe chance to let go and live. Please continue to pray for me, I can feel the strenth of prayer. I thank you all so much for caring and setting me straight when needed and helping along this very long painful 'journey'.
blessings to you all,
susan
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Old 07-26-2007, 06:58 AM
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Susan, I am glad that you are feeling better. Now do something nice for you and your granddaughter. Your daughter has put herself into a prison of her own making. You don't have to go there with her. Your granddaughter needs you to be healthy for her. If all else fails, fake it till you make it. Hugs, Marle
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Old 07-26-2007, 08:15 AM
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so glad you have some support around you, with IOP counselor, sponsor talk, etc.

hugs, k

(i hope you hear something today. not knowing where they are is very hard.)
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Old 07-26-2007, 05:24 PM
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so? any word yet? i'm being a worried mom over here............k
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Old 07-26-2007, 05:47 PM
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No, not from her. Her counselor that had her at the ranch for two months called to see. He said give it a couple days. She has an appt w/ him on Sat am at 830. He said he would call me is she showed. I told him I didn't want to see her, just get her to a recovery place. He understands. I think he was a little shocked. She is good at what she does!!! Lies, cheats, manipulates, acts, she should win an academy award w/ this last go round!

Thank you for remembering me.
susan
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Old 07-27-2007, 07:32 AM
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more mom hugs - i just don't know what else to say or do

k
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Old 07-27-2007, 10:48 AM
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Angry another update

I have been debating taking her off my insurance. She is 23, the monthly premium is upt o $175 for her alone. I have carried her "in case" she needed help. I have been seeking counsel, praying etc. Didn't do anything yet but have to by end of month.

On my way to work this am, I was early. Something told me to drive by the drug house. I did and there sat her(our) car, new paint job and all.. Right in the drive way. I called her dad, he met me 1/2 way and we went and got the car. It is in our name, we pay the insurance, and I'll be damn if she's going to run drugs and hurt someone that we would be responsible for, PLUS, I'l be damned if I'll accept her w/ that drug pushing ******* who tried to run me over.

SO, I called police and was told to call when we were 5 min from drug house. I did, got a royal bitch this time who said "can't you get the car since you have the keys", I tried to expalin situation and she said "are you sure you're not wanting to force your daughter out of the drug house?" I told her no, just our property and for the above reasons. She laughed, I called her a bitch and hung up. Sorry, but I did.

As we are driving home and clearing out the car of their crap, the police call saying they are at the home, do we need help! What a joke. I told the officer what had happened, he told me how to report it. I doubt anything will be done but I cam reporting!! I am sick of being treated like I'm the crazy person!

So far this am she has been removed from car insurance, medical and dental, life insurance, and taken back OUR car. She doesn't have anything with her, just the sonic uniform she had on, her purse. Stupid girl left her only pair of shoes in the car.
It took everything I had not to knock and the door and beat the hell out of her. I am so SICK OF HER AND HER CRAP! She is not going to make it, even after being at the wonderful ranch where she worked through so much. Her dad and I are also trying to figure out whether to save money for her burial or take our insurance.


I am amazaed...after all the beatings, he burned her, used her, etc....SHE WENT BACK! She is no daughter of mine, I don't know where she came from!!!!

Only good thing, now I won't worry about the car running someone over or being in a drug bust w/ our name on the title/registration.

I hope she is happy with the life she chose. I think addiction is a mental disorder/disease. no one in their right mind would do these things, only the mentally ill.

I pray God watches over her and His will be done. I am not God and definatley not perfect and I AM MAD. If she ever wants help again, she will be at the free help place, not me paying $400 for the next 12 months, plus expenses, clothes etc for her to go back the the drug pushing abusive *******.


Sorry if I offenended anyone, I needed to vent.
susan
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Old 07-27-2007, 11:02 AM
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I'm so sorry susan. I've been reading this thread for a few days and it seems you are being very strong. I know you are angry and I have been there too. Sometimes my anger would consume me in a negative way, but other times I had to rely on it to get through the toughest days.

I'm surprised your AD didn't come running when you took the car. I'd expect she'll be calling soon. Remember nothing says you have to answer....my AH always seemed to respond BETTER when I refused to speak to him, which didn't happen very often.

As far as the police woman, yes there are times the police are just very unhelpful and working with them can be an uphill battle if you get a cynical officer. Do report it, they are there to protect and assist us, not to make us feel like we are idiots.

Hugs...
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Old 07-27-2007, 11:06 AM
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It's understood.

Your angry and you have every right to be. Let it out, then let go.
Don't stay there too long. You need to put the focus back on you now.
Sending prayers that she suffers enough to seek help.
Any kind of help. I've learned, they work best when their having to depend on themselves. Plus, they appreciate themselves more for it.
Keep sharing and I'm hugging you tight right now.


(((((((Caileesnana))))))))

Thinking of you,
Linda
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Old 07-27-2007, 11:11 AM
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God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

saying it with you, susan........k
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Old 07-27-2007, 12:48 PM
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I called the Dallas police and reported the incident. They will listen to the tapes and discipline appropriately, or so they say!

I need to calm down, having panic attacks and mean, bad thoughts. I won't follow through on them, it's her life. But I'm having them!!

Has anyone ever felt or gotten to the point when you felt you didn't love your child anymore? I have never until today. I hated her actions, loved her, and would have given my life. Today, I fell nothing for her and I now that is not right.
Any suggestions or help appreciated--my therapist is out until monday!!!
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Old 07-27-2007, 01:09 PM
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Breathe Susan! Don't forget to breathe ok.

Hugs to you. And thank you so much for keeping us posted. Addicts are out of their minds when they are using. It's incomprehensible. I've seen it first hand.

Beyond that. Your strength to follow thru is inspirational to me. Especially since my sons father (addict) was just released from prison and is staying with us (me and my son) now. He hasn't relapsed... yet. But if he does, he is out and he has been told. Knowing that you are able to do it with your daughter helps me know that I too, should be able to do it with him... if and when it becomes necessary.

"Lord, grant me the ability to accept the people I cannot change, the strength to change the people I can, and the wisdom to know it's me."

And ps. that lady at the police station deserves whatever she gets. you hang in there. things will get better.
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Old 07-27-2007, 01:09 PM
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(((((((((((SUSAN))))))))))))))))))))) crying with you. I do not know that I have ever not loved my child, but have come close! I think you are having normal reactions to the whole situation. I still do not know how to tell Tim.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


Lou Ann
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Old 07-27-2007, 01:33 PM
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(((Susan))))
I've had the range of emotions with my son...loved him so much it hurt...hated him...hated myself for hating him.
I found I had to allow myself to get good and angry, and not deny it, in order to work through it.
With a LOT of help from here, I learned to accept where he was in life, which in turn helped me to forgive him and myself.
I should have been going to meetings, where I would have had more guidance and assistance, but I never got around to it.
I regret that.
You feel whatever you need to at the moment, and talk to whomever you need to.
We're walking with you
(((Hugs)))
Cece
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Old 07-27-2007, 04:10 PM
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Susan, I have hated my daughter so much that I prayed to God that He let her die. Went through a long period of that. My daughter is with a 37 year old crack addict who is verbally and physically abusive. In the beginning she tried to convince me that she loved him. They have absolutely nothing in common except drugs and have never known each other straight. My daughter and most likely yours are with the men they are for one reason-drugs. Drugs are so powerful that addicts will put up with all kinds of abuse to get them. I took everything away from my daughter except I do pay $50 a month for a basic health policy for her. Actually your daughter probably will qualify for Medicaid should she need it. The one thing that you have to get your mind around and a thing that was so hard for me to grasp for so long is that what your daughter is doing is not personal. Feel the anger if that is what it takes for you not to enable. Someday you will feel love and compassion for her. Just be careful that you don't feel guilt for hating her. Addicts take advantage of that. Just know you are normal and going through a normal stage. Hugs, Marle
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