rahsue

take the advice given, it has saved my life....
i'm the mother of a heroin addict recovering thank god but addict non the less.
the advice that you are being given is correct whether you accept it or not will be up to you but the more you give your child the less she will learn to do for herself.
She can get her laundry done, they will feed her three meals plus snacks. and if she really needs cigarettes, buy her a carton and tell her they need to last at least 2 weeks because you won't be supplying them every week. This is not just for your sanity although it will help you but it will show her that respect is earned not expected.
good luck and I'm glad you found SR

notsleepingwell

(((Lorellee)))) Welcome to SR!! There are angels here on this site 24/7. I don't think I woulda made it this far without SR. Another mom of an addict here. My 30 year old daughter was an RN with a son, and all the trappings of an up and coming young lady. She lost everything including her son (whom I am now raising).

We are now taking baby steps to recovery and while you may feel this is the end of the world, there is hope!!! But you have to get outta the way!!! And this is such a toughie for us mom's!!! Here is a post written by one of our members that helped me!!! I just posted it in another thread, but love it and can't see it enuf myself


You can't make me clean

I know it is what you want for me to be, but until I want it - I won't be.

You can't love me clean ...because until I learn to love myself. I won't be.

I know you must wonder how can I learn to love myself when I am caught up in a lifestyle of self-hatred and self destruction. I can learn from my own experience ... I can learn from the things that happen to me along the path of my own mistakes. I can learn by being allowed to suffer the consequences of my choices. Life has a funny way of teaching us the lessons we need learn.

I know it devastates you to watch me hurting myself. I know you want to jump in and save me. This helps ease your pain, but I don't think you understand just how damaging it is to me.

You see although I look and sound like your loved one. Me, the person .. is locked away deep down inside my being. What you see before you is a addict ruled and reigned by my addiction. The main focus of a addict is to feed the addiction. Every effort you put forth in the name of helping me *the person* falls prey to my addict giving more power to the addiction to shackel down *the person in me .. a little more each time.

I feed my addiction enough ... please don't help me.

The only way for the person in me to get free is to be free .. to fall as far as I need to go in order to find the strength to fight back and break free.

How can or will I ever be able to get clean.

The same way I gave myself over to my addiction is the same way I can give myself over to my recovery. BY MYSELF

By allowing me to reach 'rock bottom' you move over and allow me to find the my own way back .. It is in the fight to break free that I will find myself .. it is in the fight that I learn to love myself .. the more I love myself the more I will do to better myself.

I am aware that when I use I am playing russian roulette with my life. I know this, but that is a chance we take when we use. The addict in me is willing to take that chance in the name of getting high.

Rock bottom is but a circumstance away. I can't get in if you are blocking the entrance ...

Please for the sake of the person in me .. move out of the way .. and let me fall as far down as I have to in order to reach the bottom .. and pray for me that when I do hit .. that is not with the impact that leaves me for dead (I know that is your greatest fear), but if it comes to that .. be sure to tell my story so that others might learn and live.

Passion
Recovering Addict

lorellee

Thank you all so much! I have decided today that because I have said no to her once, it will only get easier from here. I think my biggest fear was to have her hate me some more. I spoke to her earlier this evening. She is still just trying to convince me that she has been honest. It's almost as if it was rehearsed-you know, I have to make Mom understand so she'll still give in.
She spoke with a different Mom today-thanks to all of the great advice and support. I have also been in touch with her counselors and informed them of my decision. I met with a little resistance-but stuck HARD to my guns!! I have also spoken to other family members. Most I feared would judge me. Surprisingly, I also have their support along with a few "What took you so long?" 's

I am very grateful for everyones kind words. I was a Mom on the edge. Seriously depressed. I actually worked in my garden today!! Something I have not been able to make myself do since she went to rehab 2 weeks ago. I can see the rainbow!!

God Bless you all.
Lorellee

ctrom40

Hello everyone,

First I must confess to being a "lurker". I found this site a few weeks ago, and have been lurking (reading) since then. My heart is breaking.. my 20 yr old son is an addict. His drug of choice is pot. I am just beginning MY "recovery".
Wish me luck!!!

caileesnana

Loralee,
I have been called every name in the book, my 23 yo AD has tried every drug in the book. I have believed, enbaled, stood firm, and let go, and she is still not ready.

This is the hardest thing any mother will ever deal with. I know you heart is breaking, but believe me and the others, you are in a fight w/ the devil when drugs are concerned. You child is in there, but way deep down. I still remember when I figured out I couldn't help her. I stopped, didn't hear from her for 4 months. She called, and wanted help. same song and dance....she is gone again! Maybe if you don't make the same mistakes I did in this early part of her addiction, she will get the idea earlier. I wish I'd had this help 4 years ago! I finally learned the 3C's and believe them. She loves drugs more than life, and she is slowly killing herself and there's nothing I can do but turn it to God! I'm not going down with her. You have other children as I do, and it is NOT fair to them for all the work/attention and $$$ to go to an addict. Back off, let life takes it's course. Never stop loving her, that is the greatest gift of all! As Carol Burnett said in her book about her daugher, Carrie, "sometimes you have to love someone enough to LET THEM HATE YOU FOR A WHILE!"

You are in my thoughts and prayers,
susan