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She's in Jail

Old 07-23-2007, 04:37 PM
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She's in Jail

Friends, some of you know what transpired last night with my daughter, well it really took a turn for the worst. After our conversation last night and trying to deal with the rape issue she went out drinking. Now she doesn't usually drink......she does drugs. Well she got pulled over and she was intoxicated and I'm not sure at this point if it was alcohol or drugs or both. She was arrested on charges pretaining to drugs and alcohol. Her truck was impounded because they found drug paraphanalia. She of course wanted me to bail her out. I was so torn because of feeling sorry for her, but I decided it was best to leave her there. This might lead to her getting the help she so desparetly needs. It could be a court order at her hearing. They have been so nice to deal with at the jail. They put me in touch with forensics and they deal with the mental health issues. They told me that they will detox her if she needs it. They will medicate her and put her in their drug program while she is there. I am waiting for a call back.........they are going to look into her case and call me and let me know what they are going to do for her. I know she is going to be flippin' mad at me for not bailing her out. At first I was going to make a deal with her that if I bailed her out that she would check herself into the mental health hospital. She said she would, but I was afraid after one day she would check herself out. I couldn't do anything about that because she is over 18. Then she would be back out and back to bad behavior and no help. She can't leave jail and just maybe it will help her to get to the right help. I hope I am doing the right thing. I just don't know anymore. I'm exhausted, this is just all too much. I just want her to get help........I love her so much.
Thank you for listening...........Lois
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Old 07-23-2007, 04:50 PM
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I left my over 18 year old in jail twice. I never imagined leaving a child in a place like that could ever be a good thing- nor did I think _I_ could ever allow it.
The first time, when he was 18, he spent a month there and was transferred into the custody of a local halfway house. He had probation after that. I came very close to bailing him out that time and am so glad I didn't.
This last time my son actually chose to attend a drug rehab program _in_ jail...a boot camp experience that actually required he spend a longer/tougher time incarcerated. (almost a year) He completed it, attended the next phase facility of his own choice and is now- this week- on his own for the first time in his life. I've never seen him more serious about changing the course of his life.
I hope that your daughter will get the treatment she needs and learn from this experience.
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Old 07-23-2007, 04:50 PM
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(((Lois)))
I am so sorry to hear all of this. You did the right thing IMO not bailing her out. I know how hard this is for you. I pray that this is her turning point. Mayby this is the start of her dealing with the past. Take care of yourself.
Love
Terri
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Old 07-23-2007, 04:59 PM
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Lois

Dont beat yourself up, you did the right thing by letting your daughter face the consequences of her own actions. The best thing now is for you to take care of yourself. God will take care of the rest. I will keep both of you in my prayers.

brittney
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Old 07-23-2007, 05:16 PM
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Lois, Sending you some hugs. Your daughter broke the law and she is getting consequences. I know that your heart is breaking over what your daughter told you, but now is the time to stand strong against the addiction. This time nothing happened,the next time she could be involved in an accident that could hurt her or someone else. Keeping you both in my prayers. Hugs, Marle
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Old 07-23-2007, 05:28 PM
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I am sorry you have to go through this. But, you are so strong! I do hope that she realizes she needs help. If she is willing help is there.
Hang in there. We can't see the future, but we can pray about it.
Hugs to you at this time of stress.
WW
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Old 07-23-2007, 07:02 PM
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You did what was right. She needs help, won't get it on her own and is slowly herself. I know you are heartbroken and scared. She will be OK!
susan
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Old 07-23-2007, 07:19 PM
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Cmc, You inspired me with the story of your son........thank you.
They did tell me she can take part in their drug program, but it would have to be her choice. I can only hope she does that. Her hearing is on Aug. 2. I would like to get her an attorney so he could present to the judge that she be sentenced to a rehab. I'm not so sure about the appointed attorney's. What are your thoughts on that?
It sounds like your son took full advantage of what was offered him. Glad for you and him.
Hugs............Lo
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Old 07-23-2007, 07:21 PM
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Thank you for all of your replies. I'm so glad I have someone to talk to. I just can't talk to everyone about this. Thank you for being here for me.

Luv........Lois
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Old 07-23-2007, 07:55 PM
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i wish her the best. you both have my prayers.hugs,
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Old 07-23-2007, 08:29 PM
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Lois, I'm sorry ...I know you are going through so much. She really is right where she needs to be. I've never heard someone share that they found help because her mom bailed her out whenever there was trouble. That thought helped me stand firm when I thought as a mom I should be helping. It's tough to realize we help by letting them live and learn for themselves.

As far as an attorney, the best words I've heard are that we can only do what we can live with. If that is what you feel you have to do, we're with you. You may want to wait a few days before deciding...sometimes the answer becomes very clear. Hugs and prayers for you and your daughter.
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Old 07-23-2007, 08:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Lobo View Post
Friends, some of you know what transpired last night with my daughter, well it really took a turn for the worst. After our conversation last night and trying to deal with the rape issue she went out drinking. Now she doesn't usually drink......she does drugs. Well she got pulled over and she was intoxicated and I'm not sure at this point if it was alcohol or drugs or both. She was arrested on charges pretaining to drugs and alcohol. Her truck was impounded because they found drug paraphanalia. She of course wanted me to bail her out. I was so torn because of feeling sorry for her, but I decided it was best to leave her there. This might lead to her getting the help she so desparetly needs. It could be a court order at her hearing. They have been so nice to deal with at the jail. They put me in touch with forensics and they deal with the mental health issues. They told me that they will detox her if she needs it. They will medicate her and put her in their drug program while she is there. I am waiting for a call back.........they are going to look into her case and call me and let me know what they are going to do for her. I know she is going to be flippin' mad at me for not bailing her out. At first I was going to make a deal with her that if I bailed her out that she would check herself into the mental health hospital. She said she would, but I was afraid after one day she would check herself out. I couldn't do anything about that because she is over 18. Then she would be back out and back to bad behavior and no help. She can't leave jail and just maybe it will help her to get to the right help. I hope I am doing the right thing. I just don't know anymore. I'm exhausted, this is just all too much. I just want her to get help........I love her so much.
Thank you for listening...........Lois

IMO, Yes, def the right thing! There's a reason it's happening like this, someone put her behind bars for her own good, let her get herself out. She's already trapped in her own world & head anyway. Let her fight to get out or else she won't know that she can.

I think when we are scared, mad, threatened, etc that other person inside of us pops out like a wild little indian with guns blazing and pointing at everyone, that kid inside of us who thinks we need protection from the world and it makes us do crazy things.
If someone doesn't tame and train that little indian it's never going to learn, bailing it out is just reinforcing that yes you do need to be here, you do need to keep protecting.

Well, it makes sense to me, lol, it's that whole id, ego thing. Rewarding/Reinforcing bad behavior, makes you think in a way that you did need to do what you did.
We do crazy things to protect ourselves, when we don't need to be protected.


By not bailing her out you are protecting her.

LOL, or at least that's how I see it.

((((Lobo))))
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Old 07-23-2007, 08:50 PM
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Lois,

I know what you're doing is hard, but it's the right thing. My sister promised to go straight to rehab both times my mom bailed her out from jail. It was the only way she could convince mom to come get her. Within hours of getting out each time, she managed to prolong her stay at the house (and use right under mom's nose several times per incident). If you don't let her fall now, you never know how much worse her rock bottom might be later. For my sister, it was coming to within inches of death when she accidentally overdosed while out on bail thanks to my mom. Granted, she would not have OD'ed while in jail (one would hope), but then again, who knows what she might have been able to discover on her own while in jail? Besides, she is very fortunate that they are willing to detox her in jail and even allow her to get help while in there... not everyone has that luxury.

*hugs and prayers*
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Old 07-23-2007, 08:58 PM
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((((((LOIS))))))) Take it slow. Often, You are a calming voice to others. You don't have to do anything. Let it just be for awhile until you become clear what is the best next step. You will know. We hear over and over how tragic circumstances often bring about amazing results when we get out of the way. God bless you.
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Old 07-23-2007, 09:13 PM
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You most certainly have done the right thing-quite possibly she will get the help she needs. I know it is hard-but truly the best thing. Had I not given in and bailed hubby out-so many times-I probably would not be a "newbie" on this site .Not one to give advice-just past experience. Let her get a public defender-do not pay for a private attorney-you will not be helping. The impounded car-you should be able to get it back. Thank God your jail system will work with you Stay strong! Take care!!!! Tears and HUGS to you.
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Old 07-24-2007, 07:12 AM
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Just offering my prayers and support for you & your daughter,
Wishing you Serenity,
Rita
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Old 07-24-2007, 07:21 AM
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Lois....

You are absolutely doin the right thing. Hands off the addict!!! My daughter went to jail for a w/e. Shortly after that she started looking for help!!! She had thought I would run down and bail her out...but I didn't. I had hoped they would keep her longer, but holy mother, that w/e was the best I'd had in awhile. Slept better than I had in over a year.

Things happen for a reason, and she is safe. Ohhh, they make it sound terrible, my daughter came out quacking about how there are more drugs in prison than on the streets, and I know nothing about that...but it sure made an impact!!

Hang in there, and let things proceed as they should, the HP has a plan, don't get in her way...

NSW
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Old 07-24-2007, 07:31 AM
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hey lois, mom hugs...............k
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Old 07-24-2007, 07:48 AM
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(((Lois)))
Sending you hugs and prayers. I know as a mom I would not want my child in jail either. But if they were I know my HP put them there for a reason. Maybe this is a chance for her to start her recovery on her own. Maybe it is a chance for you to get some much need rest and have some peace.
Take a few minutes and just relax and ask your HP for guidance. The answers to all your questions will come. Do what you have to for you.
Good luck
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Old 07-24-2007, 10:04 AM
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Lobo-
So sorry for more drama in your life while you are so fragile.
Did you get to speak with a counselor?
Thank God she got pulled over versus ended up hurting herself and/or someone else.
You absolutely did the right thing- I know the guilt is probably trying to pull you into its orbit but please do not let it.
Remind yourself that you deserve peace and serenity and everytime we help them up on their way down we only prevent them from hitting their bottom.
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