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need help, comments please

Old 07-21-2007, 10:37 AM
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grateful rca
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need help, comments please

i am really insecure and i don't know how to shake it. i'm insecure about my appearance and size, about me getting older, about my decision making among other things. can you guys help me to understand why? is this a recovery issue? this seems to be a cause of a lot of the pain that i suffer sometimes.

any and all comments, suggestions or advice welcome
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Old 07-21-2007, 10:43 AM
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I get like that sometimes too. I think it is a human thing, not only a codie thing. I do know this, you are a beautiful person, always trying to help others in the face of the chaos you were in ,you were a beacon in the dark. You are lovely in my eyes, now make you lovely in your own...YOU CAN DO IT..Marian
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Old 07-21-2007, 10:45 AM
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Teke,
I know what you mean. I have the same feelings a lot. Some days I just work on one thing that I want to feel better about, like if I want to feel better about the way I look I will dress a little nicer than I normally do. I keep telling myself that I am as good as the next person and I can do anything I put my mind to. Some days I have to keep saying this over and over and over, and if I just do one thing that makes me feel a little better about me than I did something good.
I was put down by my family and my ex so I have very low self esteem, and it is so hard to build it back up.
Just like everything else we have to take it one minute at a time than one day at a time.
Hugs coming to you
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Old 07-21-2007, 10:46 AM
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I am in a womens group and we all listed three things that we liked about ourselves. We posted this list on our mirror that we saw everyday to remind us of good things about ourselves! Just a thought
Terri
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Old 07-21-2007, 10:47 AM
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teke,
I'm right there with ya sister!!!!!
I'm 49 and hating it when march 29th rolls around I'm not gonna be nice to be around.
my weight just hit 240lbs, after I delivered my last child I weighed 120lbs I have no idea how this happened to me
I second guess my decisions all the time, I wonder if I should have done something diffferently
I am having a problem with money and I feel like I'm not doing the bills right and its my fault we can't do some of the things we want to.
I don't know for sure if its a recovery thing but my guess would be yes, I never felt this way before my son started his crap. so I think yes it's recovery based.
now to the matter of how does one get pass this, well when you find out let me know.
good luck and prayers to ya
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Old 07-21-2007, 10:51 AM
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teke,

i just wanted to add on to what patchoulli said - you are a beautiful person - i have a feeling your husband being the way that he is has something to do with doubting yourself - his sickness made you feel insecure - his trying to tell you you were crazy when you knew you weren't made you question yourself - you just went through a major health issue - you've been through hell in back - now you need to get well - just think about working on *you* - being the best you you can be - the stronger you get the better you'll feel - you can do this - just take baby steps - the insecurities will fade - it will all be ok - i promise...

with love,
s
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Old 07-21-2007, 10:54 AM
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Teke
Think of all that you have accomplished and how far you have come. My goodness, you are a miracle!!! I am proud of you. Many could not have managed to be as strong as you have been. I feel inadequate too many times. I think listening to all of those "old voices" in my head from people in my past telling me I was not good enough. Some people I tell this too are suprised to hear it. They often think I am so strong, but many days I am not. I think it just depends on the day. These thoughts usually pass because my HP usually steps in with something or someone that says just the right words to me!! Funny how that works.
TEKE - YOU ARE A GREAT PERSON!!!!!!!
Terri
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Old 07-21-2007, 11:17 AM
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The change of life or menopause can make us start feeling insecure I think. Our hormonal levels are changing and it is an adjustment. I am lucky that I don't have hot flashes or mood swings like some of my contemporaries I do have some mental fog but, for that I forgive myself....

I think the wisdom I have found in being older is the greatest thing about being older. I pay attention to maintaining my health eat right, sleep good, remain active. can't do double back flips anymore but, so what.

I move a little slower and think a little longer about what I am doing it's all good ya know....

My priories have changed I think about retirement, where I want to be when I retire, what kinds of things do I want to do when I retire.

I want to embrace myself at this new age and feel good. I don't want to wear midriff tops or bikinis anymore. I hate to see women my age dressing like a teen ager but, it is their choice. I want to age with dignity.
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Old 07-21-2007, 11:35 AM
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Splenda
I think you are right about the affects of menopause. It changes your whole body, not to mention your emotions. I will be fifty in a few months and have a totally different view about me and my life. Much of it is insecurities. How you look, where you are in your life . . .
I do have the occasional hot flashes at night. (thank God not every night).
It is a different thought process at this age. Like Splena said, different priorities. Just part of the aging process. The sooner I accept it all, the better I will be.
Terri
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Old 07-21-2007, 11:57 AM
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I have to agree that feeling insecure with one's appearance is a human thing, in particular, a woman thing. I don't know a woman alive who's completely satisfied with her appearance etc. But I know through your personality and all the wonderful advice you've given that you ARE a beautiful person. We all get older; it's inevitable and the feelings that come with it are natural but with time we learn to become comfortable with ourselves and to focus on our good attributes physically, mentally and emotionally. Heck, I'm only 24 and I find myself fretting that in six more years I'll be 30! Ridiculous, I know but we all deal with our own little insecurities. Be strong, girlfriend. . .there's NOTHING wrong with you
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Old 07-21-2007, 12:00 PM
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Heck, Teke, I think those are some of the very things that got me INTO using in the first place!


One of the exercises I used to do as part of my cool down routine (I was an aerobics leader for 8 years), was one where we sat on the floor, closed our eyes, wrapped our arms around ourselves... then tried to imagine a picture of ourselves as a small child. I have a photo I used to think of - my kindergarten school picture.... in it, I am crying because I thought we were getting shots. That little girl is so pitiful, so in need of love. As we are sitting there, hugging ourselves, we try to imagine giving that little girl a hug... to be the adult that accepts her just as she is. To love her unconditonally....

I have trouble telling my adult self that I am a competent, intelligent, beautiful, caring, giving woman... but that little girl - I can tell HER. I can repeat it every morning.... you are good, and kind, and loving and thoughtful and perfect - just. as. you. are.


(((((Teke))))))
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Old 07-21-2007, 12:34 PM
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I don't have insecurities about the way I look, but I am having a lot of trouble feeling competent...I just feel inadequate and the problems we are having just make that worse. I used to have confidence...none left.
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Old 07-21-2007, 12:51 PM
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Teke,


Only wine and cheese age, we mortals are forever young in spirit, if we choose to be.

Yes, my outer exterior has changed over the years, a few wrinkles (I've earned everyone of them) and I have gained some weight (one mouthful at a time)...yet in spirit I am 30, not soon to be 60.

My attitude is good, my wisdom has aged with me. I am happy with me, and that I believe is the key, be happy with you, who you are.

Focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses.

I am now dating a man who is 45, my boy toy, younger men are attracted to me because of my spirit, my wisdom, my knowledge, not my exterior, it is what I project about me and my life that is attractive to them.

I've learned to accept aging, and accept the truth about the aging process, I am comfortable with that issue, I don't really think about my age, I just keep moving and growing.

Sure, I could have a face lift, a boob job, a tummy tuck, but would that change who I am? No, not a bit, if I am miserable on the inside, I would be miserable on the outside, and it would show.

Teke, you are a good person, one who deserves to be respected by a man, the longer you stay in the situation you are currently in, the more your self-esteem will suffer, it just works that way. We project from the inside out, not from the outside in.

Accept what you cannot change, I'll never be 5' tall, I am 5'9", I'll never be reed thin again, I'll never be 30 again in years, but, I will be me, and accept me for who I am, from the inside out.

Hugs,
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Old 07-21-2007, 01:14 PM
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grateful rca
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why is it that i can't see all of the responses? is it my comp or is there something technical wrong with sr.
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Old 07-21-2007, 01:17 PM
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Teke,

Try reloading, it may solve your problem.
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Old 07-21-2007, 01:20 PM
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grateful rca
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ok. now i see more of them, don't know what happened, i guess it must be a getting older thing then, huh? i feel like you all are giving me good advice, things that i need to give a closer thought too.
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Old 07-21-2007, 01:22 PM
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i think maybe i also need to google menopause and see what i come up with. i'm curious, do men have a phase thats simular to menopause? i feel like i need to know this stuff, but i don't.
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Old 07-21-2007, 03:06 PM
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Teke, I can tell you it sounds like me when I went thru the pause.....it was not fun and I didn't have the other problems that are on your plate......relax and be good to yourself, you deserve it.....

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Old 07-21-2007, 03:13 PM
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well, is there the "other side" of menopause, i mean do you get through it to the other side or is this the way its gonna be? sounds like that must be what is going on with me, you think maybe i need to see a doctor about this?

until i got sick, i wouldn't go to the doctor for anything if i didn't think i had to and that was not much, so i guess i don't know.
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Old 07-21-2007, 03:30 PM
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Over menopause. Don't miss the periods. Glad to be getting older. Hopefully getting wiser. Looking forward to retiring. Twelve more years, Yeah!!!
____________
Trish
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