need help, comments please

Old 07-21-2007, 04:35 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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teke, i am saying a prayer for may be a good idea for you to go see a g.y.n.
menopause is different on everyone.take care of r cared about. hugs,
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Old 07-21-2007, 04:39 PM
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Originally Posted by just for today View Post
Teke, I can tell you it sounds like me when I went thru the was not fun and I didn't have the other problems that are on your plate......relax and be good to yourself, you deserve it.....

so i'm assuming that this phase won't last for the rest of my long life, will it? tell me there is a certain time span, that i'll get through this period and then i'll feel a little different.
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Old 07-21-2007, 06:44 PM
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Hi Teke, I sometimes feel the way you were describing, too. Always have struggled with these issues.

It think it is partly the human experience, but I think it gets worse when we have to deal with crazy people in our lives. I think that just the experience of dealing with a lying, cheating, addict tends to make us start to doubt ourselves after a while.

i think it helps to try and surround yourself with supportive people, and to try and stay away from negeative people who try and drag others down. that helps me.

Teke, you seem cool to me. You seem like a lady who definately smart enough to trust her own decisions.

Last edited by raerae6; 07-21-2007 at 07:10 PM.
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Old 07-21-2007, 07:27 PM
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thanks rae, and all the rest of you guys, now i don't feel like i'm all alone. i thought i was the only one that ever felt this way.
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Old 07-21-2007, 07:42 PM
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i think so too dolly, it something that i need to print out and post somewhere that i can see it often. thanks
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Old 07-21-2007, 08:46 PM
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Good grief!! I went through menopause from 38-42. Of course the entire time I was with an alcoholic bf. I am amazed I didn't go stark raving insane!
I turned 52 yesterday, and I can tell you that once the periods are gone, you LOVE it!!
They stopped at 42. I believe I willed myself through it.
It's a weird time in life, but it goes away. It doesn't last forever, try to think of it that way.
I do feel extremely incompetent at times. I would imagine even the president feels that way too. Those zillionaire actors do all the time!
It's a human thing. Don't be too hard on yourself.
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Old 07-21-2007, 09:24 PM
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wabbit, happy belated birthday, sorry i'm late on that one. thanks, good to know that i won't always have to feel so insecure.
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Old 07-22-2007, 05:58 AM
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Hey Teke, I am kinda late on this one, but you are not alone in the way you feel, and everyone ahead of me had good advice.
The late, great Audrey Hepburn said it best when a 60's fashion magazine asked her for her beauty tips for their readers. Here's what she wrote back:

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share you food with the hungry.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you never walk alone.
If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of each of your arms.

She was a true goddess in mind, body, and spirit.
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Old 07-22-2007, 07:01 AM
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Teke, I recall you saying you liked your situation when ah was in jail and away from you for two years. Most of your insecurity is a result of his constant, crazy abuse.
He has brainwashed you into doubting your worth and sanity.
Think of it this way, you are a caring, compassionate woman with inner beauty and outside too. I saw the picture you posted of pretty, petite Teke.
Getting older is part of life. Don't let your age or ah limit you from being the best you can be.
Yes, check with your Doctor re menopause. It was a huge relief to me when I came through it.
Like Dolly, I am much wiser today and I accept me as I am.
I still take pride in my appearance and make the most of all my assets.

Last edited by frankie_b; 07-22-2007 at 07:25 AM.
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Old 07-22-2007, 07:41 AM
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Awww teke.
My heart seriously hurts for you.
I am 24 years old and have endured endless, traumatizing hours and months -even years- hating my body - resulting in near death. At least when I was at my sickest I could barely think clearly enough to churn up those self-loathing feelings. Bodily acceptance will be the hardest battle I fight on this earth- in addition to loving myself.
Our bodies truly are just packaging for our true selves. It is important for me to always remember this admist a culture/society that feeds us a steady died of idealized standards of beauty.

Gosh- I KNOW the feeling of insecurity. It could be my middle name. Dealing with it? I am not quite sure I'm even remotely close to overcoming it, but I have found that alot of my INNER security stems from the lack of trust within myself. If we distrust ourselves to make the best decisions available to us, then it breeds insecurity about most of our opinions, thoughts, beliefs and courses of action. Distrusting almost every part of ourselves is a given when dealing with addicts I am beginning to learn. We all deserve to have relationships that foster love, healing and support.

Last night I was thinking about how I have SO much anger to work through with abf. How it feels physically WRONG to be nice to him because of the countless hours of deception, lies and betrayal I have endured. Then I read an excerpt from this book I am reading "Self Esteem" by McKay and Fanning which is a phenonmenal read. It focus on our Inner Critic and gives countless ways to overcome the lack of self-esteem through exercises and different techniques. It takes time and effort, but I am finding some of the tasks quite helpful.
Anyways - the authors have a chapter on Compassion. It talks about compassion towards self, others who have hurt us and others we have hurt. The part that focused on others that have hurt us asked the reader to accept the fact that the things people have done to us have been based on their current situations and the best options available to them at that time. It's hard to swallow for me- because it completely takes out the anger and resentment component and asks us to accept the wrong for what it is/was and then reminds us that our power is in our choices.

You are wonderful and beautiful just as you are, sitting here, reading this today. I know it may be hard to believe to you because you FEEL otherwise but the fact is that you are already worthy and okay. You do, however, deserve to feel good about yourself.

If your physical discomfort is extreme I would advise you to take up some physical type of activity. I KNOW it can sometimes feel like a horrific task trying to move our bodies - but it is amazing what a little activity can do.

You are in my thoughts.
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Old 07-22-2007, 08:39 AM
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remember to breathe
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I want to be like dollydo! I'm gonna try to think positively, my new law is going to be every morning before I get out of bed I'm gonna tell myself that its already a good day and I'm going to enjoy it.

thanks for the positive stories
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