Guinevere

My husband is on the phone with my adult AS. Son is begging for money. I have a panic attack every time he calls these days. I hung up on him when he called and made such a request. We were on the way to a counseling session. Last week he needed money to go to dinner with NA friends. The story today is . . . "oops, my unemployment check did not come this week. I am so tired of being in the house." At the NA meeting last night the addicts said that they could always come up with a reason to get money.

I know what my husband and I should do. Dear Lord, Help me disengage with love . . .

havehope

I know it is hard. Lord, I use to fall for all kinds of excuses with my daughter and her "needing" $$$. They was a thread a while back here that listed all of the excuses our addicts used in order to get money from us. I thought that thread was great. My daughter always had a friends BD, one who was sick, a traffic ticket, etc. . .
Hang in there and be strong. Sounds like you are doing great by recognizing what is real!!Terri

splendra

Look at it like this: when they start taking responsibility for themselves they won't need to ask us for money...

The more you say no the easier it will get...

(((((HUGS))))) to you

Done_With_It

When I was first in recovery I was lucky if I could find 11 cents for top ramen, lol.
Ha, go out for dinner?!?
Even on Xmas I didn't call my parents for money for Xmas dinner.

He doesn't need to go to dinner really does he for food?

I was miserable, but I was fine with that, because I was free of that drug, but I am glad I did that, because I never want to have to do that again.....

If you aren't able to afford going out to dinner, then maybe you shouldn't go.
lol, it's funny to me when some people think, OH call for money.

And when his unemployment check is gone after a few days, your not responsible
for his dinner either, lol

teke

i'm a recoverying addict, and i remember when i could come up with all kinds of excuses to need money from anybody who would give it. the truth is, in my opinion, as long as you continue to give an addict money, you might as well buy the drugs yourself.
whatever you give money for, its still enabling the addict to be able to use what money they have on drugs and possible yours too.

my family used to tell me that they are not gonna help me to kill myself, so they refused to give any money. it helped me to think more about the decisions i made when i did manage to have money. just wanted to share my experience. still praying for ya

Guinevere

You are a source of strength for me. Thank you for your advice and wisdom. I am still working on myself, one baby step at a time. It shakes a person when her child is so needy and cannot be helped by anyone except himself. I appreciate you for taking the time to respond.

Done_With_It

He'll get there. We just get to a point where we really don't believe we can do things anymore, so we do start to take the easy way out, then it becomes what we know.
Drugs make things so easy at first, they take all pain away, so you expect life to become easy like the drugs make you think life should be, it's hard to explain..
But that is how I wanted it to be, as easy as good and as fun as the line of meth made it seem, and when it wasn't, Done did not like that, lol, or really know how to cope with that. So you fight against your reality of what you have become to believe.
For me as time went on little by little I realized my reality was warped and it was never going to be the way meth made it seem it could. Life and meth were not the same.
I don't know if that makes sense. Hard to explain.
But over time he'll get there. I can't believe how I used to think, and the things I used to do, it's frightening.

newblue82

It must be such a difficult thing for parents' to turn off their protective mode. But as you know, the best way of helping him is to not help him. It's an everyday struggle to resist wanting to help, to fix, to save or to shelter our loved ones. Remember, we too are in recovery. We're only human and compassion can serve to be as much a weakness as it is a strength. I'm sure God will make a way for you and your son to get through this. In most cases these difficult times don't last forever even it that means we have to consciously remove ourselves from them.

Hangin' In

I've been told my recovering alcoholics and addict that the worst thing you can do for them in early recovery is give them money.

So my sponsor taught me several good one liners to say to a person in early recovery and this is one of them: "You know I'm always willing to do what is in your best interest and I just don't think _________(fill in the blank, in this case "giving you money") is a good idea."

hope213

mom to mom it is hard not to enable our addicts. we have to pratice it everyday. by all means never give an addict money.it is said an addict should never have more than $5 in their pocket at any given time.prayers for him & you

bookmiser

((((((Guinevere))))))

Stay strong. I know it's tough. This is the best thing for him, though.
You'll see.

Guinevere

Please see my follow-up thread "Tired of his life, Praise God!" . . . AS has reached another bottom and wants to work on his recovery again.

Your notes helped so much.