The Five Things We Cannot Change
 

Writing in my journal this morning (surprise surprise) and flipping back to the front of it I found the time when I was reading a book called "The Five Things We Cannot Change" by David Richo. I wrote this quote from him down:

"When we open to the givens in life, we open to the possibility of becoming the courageous, compassionate, and wise beings we were meant to be."

The 5 givens? They were these:

--Everything changes and ends
--Things do not always go according to plan
--Life is not always fair
--Pain is part of life, it DOESN'T have to be the end of it
--People are not loyal and loving all of the time

Ten years ago, I would've felt utterly depressed reading these five things, true as they are (especially the first one). But now...having gone through so much stuff with addicts and addiction and recovery, they make perfect sense and they no longer hold any power over me.

They make me appreciate life now, grateful when something lasts, when things work the way I'd hoped, when people are fair, when I'm able to cope with necessary pain, and when I find people who are loyal and loving.

And it ain't the end of the world when they don't.

I just take a deep breath and look at Ann's lake :)

Love,
GL

2 years ago I would have tried with every ounce of umpf inside of me to change it all lol. I thank God I know now that I can't and some things you just have to let be.

Something I also needed to hear today. Thank you.

agreed - before alanon and working on recovery, i would cringed reading this list. now, i am grateful that i don't have to take so much on..

thanks for sharing, k

I'll add something (which is the center of Buddhist philosophy):
"All things are impermanent"

yes - some things you just have to let be - and that's ok - you know i heard a really good song the other night and the best line was *the grass is always greener but you still have to mow the lawn* - truer words were never spoken...

love,
s

I *love* that, itiswhatitis!!
:)

Oh my gosh, what a great list to remember. Especially the part where people are not loving all the time.

Every time I hear the phrase, it's just not fair coming out of my mouth, I feel like a toddler, kicking her feet and screaming. I find myself telling myself to grow up. Sounds like I talk to myself a lot doesn't it? I do like this post, though.These are such obvious things that we totally don't realize until we keep hitting our heads against the same wall.
krhea

thank you for this! a great reminder!

Richo's a bit of a Buddhist, so that's part of it too...all things change and often end. That was SO hard for me! I wanted things to get comfortable and then freeze them in place so they'd be like that forever, and I was so incredibly angry and sad when that didn't happen.

I had to learn to trust that when things changed it was because my hp had a different plan for me, a different lesson I needed to learn, or a suffering that he was steering me away from, or a different road I needed to take in order to become a stronger, kinder, wiser person. It was so hard to learn not to question that...after my dreadful childhood I was just anxious for some smooth sailing for the rest of my life, no problems, no crises. And that wasn't what hp had in mind...looking back, I see there was always a plan for me.

Love,
GL

Clinging, or attachment, is what keeps us suffering. As soon as we truly accept that all things are impermanent, our suffering will end. The 4 Noble Truths are as follows:
1. Life is suffering
2. The origination of suffering is attachment
3. The end of suffering is attainable
4. The path to the end of suffering is the realization that all things are impermanent

I para-phrased #4 because if refers to the Eight-fold Path and I don't want to bore you with details.

That reminds me of a quote that I wrote down way back when..

"To be inaccessible means you touch the world around you sparingly. You don’t eat five quail; you eat one. You don’t use and squeeze people until they have shriveled to nothing, especially the people you love. A hunter knows he will lure game into his traps over and over again, so he doesn’t worry. To worry is to become accessible. And once you worry you cling to anything out of desperation; and once you cling you are bound to get exhausted or to exhaust whoever or whatever you are clinging to."
-don Juan “Journey to Ixtlan by Carlos Castaneda

I dig Castaneda.

I felt kind of like an old hippy posting that, but there are some real words of wisdom in those books.

thanks for your post & all the replys.they are so true.