I am glad to be back . . .
 

I have been away for a while and I am trying to catch up with the new information and new members in the forum. While disconnected from my computer and internet service, I couldn't wait to discuss the Larry King interview with Daniel Baldwin and the Time Magazine article about addictions. Since Baldwin and the article have been covered, I will only comment on what struck me personally.

During the LK interview, Baldwin was asked about signs of drug abuse. I was surprised by his response, as I expected to hear a listing of physical symptoms of drugging. Instead, Daniel mentioned the breakdown in communication. He said that an active drug addict won't answer the phone, return calls, and the voice mailbox will be full. Within two weeks of my son's return from treatment, my husband and I were frantic because we could not get our AS to return calls and his voicemail was full. His friends were calling us to check. It was as though DB was describing exactly what we experienced. AS said that he was tired of the constant questions, therefore he went incommunicato. I guess his actions really scream of relapse.

Do you know of other characteristics that moms and dads of adult addicts might not be aware of? What are the subtle signs of active addiction?

Welcome to new forum members. SR is a wonderful place for support and information.

Thanks to all of you who have responded to my inquiries in the past.

Welcome back, Guinevere.

With my son, the early signs were evasiveness and attitude. He'd not want to say where he was going, stating that he was "a grown man and didn't have to be accountable". Gee, I am 105 years old and I still tell people where I am going, lol.

I could spot a relapse a mile away and there was no point even discussing it with him nicely, his ears and mind were already closed.

Of course money and VCR's missing were a giveaway too. :rolleyes:

Hugs

Turning the tables and trying to make it your fault that they are failing. Not keeping appointments, sleeping the day away. Having no energy and constant health complaints. Losing or gaining weight. Bills not paid, eviction notices, etc. Living in filth. Not caring about things that they used to care about. My daughter loved the gym and tanning. When she stopped doing that it was always a bad sign. Saying that it is really another problem, like depression. Constant blaming anything or everything except the true problem-drugs. My daughter has tried to make it my fault that she never calls-The "I don't want to be b*tched at" excuse. There are probably lots more, but those are the things that I noticed the most with my daughter. Marle

For my AH, it is a different look in his eyes - That may sound silly to some - but when he is walking that true path of recovery - there is an inner peace that shines in his eyes. A sparkle of life that is truly beautiful.

And when the disease is controlling his life - those same eyes look dead, long before there is drink or drug in his system.

Just how I see the relapse in his life,
Rita

my daughter gets short tempered and cusses alot when she is using/thinking about relapsing. she also gets real messy - personal hygiene and with her belongings.

and agreed - mia is pretty typical - mine does that too. she says it's being all lost in her own head. and guilt.

blessings, k

Personal Hygiene-that is a biggie and I agree with Parent because my daughter has told me she stays away because of the shame she feels, also she can't always get her drugs, so there is a lot of physical pain from the withdrawals. Hugs, Marle

Personal hygeine, attitude--the behaviors are ALWAYS the big give away!

pure sefishness... they promise to help you with something, or maybe not, maybe even just to be home for lunch one day... and they never ever follow through, or if they do, they are about five hours late consistently.

Also, the inability to keep a job seems to be pretty normal... ras had something in the neighborhood of 4 jobs in the past 2 years, and I'm pretty sure she was fired from each and every one of them, usually for being late or, as she claims with one of them, b/c "her shirt was not ironed," which probably amounts more to the consistent lack of hygeine.

My daughter it was the lack of accountability.... missing appointments, not being where she said she was going... excuse after excuse after excuse.

And the weirdos start calling again... Heather, Niki, Trisha and Rochelle - who have suddenly "gotten into recovery", or "they weren't that bad, they just hung out with some other bad kids". Yeah, right.

Sigh. I hate even thinking about it.....

What an interesting thread.
I watched the LK interview, as well.
In my case with my as, the lack of personal hygiene was a dead giveaway.
My son thrives on "beauty". Especially his own. lol
When he would stop showering and start wearing the same clothes over and over,
I knew he was in the throes of his sickness.
Then there was always a disappearing act that followed.
Man! It hurts to even think back to that time. The fear and anxiety that was in the air around him. I thank God today and every day that he is attempting to stay clean and sober. The fact that I've learned to let go has helped us both in so many ways.
I'm amazed at how much he's grown up just by being away from his enabler. Me.
Thanks for bringing this up. It was a eye opener to the past and a look at how much I've grown, as well.
((((Guinevere))))
p.s. missed ya
http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j2...ckvi7-vi65.gif

My daughter was also quick to point out all the "other" people that were doing drugs. It was like if she could keep me focused on the other kids, I would not see what was in front of me. She was right, I didn't. Thought that she would never try drugs. She was sooooo against them. Of course, those same people would not be doing drugs when she was hanging out with them. People she never would have associated with normally were now her best friends. Marle

Personal hygiene for sure. my as wouldn't shower for days and go to work or school that way, then get mad when i told him to take one. now that he's recovering, he's back to the everyday shower. he too was always very vain about his appearance. and he was also obsessed with watching the show "intervention". Weird, huh?

Japic- I completely agree about the eyes. It took me a while to see the difference but once I discovered it, that was always the easiest giveaway. I could tell from across the street if he was high just by his eyes. They looked dead, but menacing at the same time. I used to dread coming home to that look

If your son is using heroin or any opiate, watch for the nods. When they sit down, they can't say awake. Then they will tell you that it is because they are tired, stayed up late last night. Slack bottom lip, half-hooded dead eyes. Always wearing long sleeves even in hot weather means they are covering fresh needle marks. Marle

Guinevere, With all this talk of signs I forgot to tell you that I am sorry if he has relapsed. I know how sad and frightening that is. Now is the time for you to make extra meetings and take extra good care of yourself. You know how good addicts are at covering up their use, so I guess the best advice would be for you to trust your gut feeling on this one. You know your son and you know what is normal and what is not. Trusting yourself never seems to fail. Hugs, Marle

~A change in friends, most of whom only seem to have first names.
~inconsistency of when he might come over for dinner
~ personal hygiene
~ and that certain flash in his eyes.

Yep, that's when I know he's not in a good place.

just want to say welcome back....prayers,

SR Friends, thank you for your responses. It sounds as though you know my AS personally. I have noticed the eyes, both bright and blurry, the evasiveness, the change in appearance and lack of cleanliness. For a while I noticed the nodding. He also had the mysterious disappearing televisions and VCRs.

One story I will share. My son asked for money to take a particular young woman out on several occasions. Then I asked what Leslie's last name was . . . he couldn't tell me. Is this from the loss of brain cells, or do you suppose he was not being truthful?????

Welcome back Guin!!!!