My soul bleeds...
sixisournumber
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: somewhere between anger & pain
Posts: 11
My soul bleeds...
I wrote a letter today. Yes I actually allowed myself to write it -- this time. Of course it sits in front of me like the devil himself ... looking me face to face. It's part ANGER/PAIN/TALKING TO MY BESTFRIEND. It's so hard to decided to mail it or not. I want to:
RAGE TO HIM: I want the truth!!! The entire RAW HONEST TRUTH -- EVERYTHING. NO MATTER WHAT YOUR SIN... Find a way to prove ALL of my time & love is/was not in VAIN.
HUMBLE YOURSELF... NOW... I DESERVE THAT MUCH!!!
I want to say you're a #$%%%##%% for leaving me here with ALL this and so so alone...
BRING SOLACE: Your bestfriend is still here... I can only imagine ... let me hear your worries, your pain, your anger... your hurt. Let me tell you about my day. You know I need you to be the rock today -- give me strength in our God... I'm mad and angry & questioning him again today!!!
Its been 4 1/2 wks since I have spoken with him. It has been 1 1/2 wks since he's been incarcerated. I have not gone to see him. I've spent the past year with this man and his children in my life -- his family that called me one of theirs -- Even when he was not acting appropriately, he managed to somehow always call several times a day. And when being the man I love... we spent 85% of our time together. Now not even his voice and only pictures of a 'family' that once was. I have not been able to take my ring off my hand or removed the necklace (a handmade necklace w/saint christopher) he gave me.
I so miss 'our' time together. I miss standing side by side in church. I miss all the intimate stuff (not sexual stuff -- soul stuff). We live in the country and 'our' thing was taking the four wheeler out and riding the trails on our land... stopping to chat at the pond. We had a spot we cleared out and on our 'dates' -- it was japenese food -- soda -- a lantern -- a blanket -- and our beautiful heavenly stars... yeah I'm a cheap date... lol
There's so many things I miss!
The baby is (pregnancy) 8 weeks & counting....
RAGE TO HIM: I want the truth!!! The entire RAW HONEST TRUTH -- EVERYTHING. NO MATTER WHAT YOUR SIN... Find a way to prove ALL of my time & love is/was not in VAIN.
HUMBLE YOURSELF... NOW... I DESERVE THAT MUCH!!!
I want to say you're a #$%%%##%% for leaving me here with ALL this and so so alone...
BRING SOLACE: Your bestfriend is still here... I can only imagine ... let me hear your worries, your pain, your anger... your hurt. Let me tell you about my day. You know I need you to be the rock today -- give me strength in our God... I'm mad and angry & questioning him again today!!!
Its been 4 1/2 wks since I have spoken with him. It has been 1 1/2 wks since he's been incarcerated. I have not gone to see him. I've spent the past year with this man and his children in my life -- his family that called me one of theirs -- Even when he was not acting appropriately, he managed to somehow always call several times a day. And when being the man I love... we spent 85% of our time together. Now not even his voice and only pictures of a 'family' that once was. I have not been able to take my ring off my hand or removed the necklace (a handmade necklace w/saint christopher) he gave me.
I so miss 'our' time together. I miss standing side by side in church. I miss all the intimate stuff (not sexual stuff -- soul stuff). We live in the country and 'our' thing was taking the four wheeler out and riding the trails on our land... stopping to chat at the pond. We had a spot we cleared out and on our 'dates' -- it was japenese food -- soda -- a lantern -- a blanket -- and our beautiful heavenly stars... yeah I'm a cheap date... lol
There's so many things I miss!
The baby is (pregnancy) 8 weeks & counting....
sixisournumber
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: somewhere between anger & pain
Posts: 11
I JUST FOUND OUT -- HIS CHARGES -- AND MORE TRUTH -- HIS CHARGES ARE -- POSSESSION/INTENT/MANUFACTORING -- 50,000 CASH BOND EARLY -- OH AND THE GUY WAS NICE ENOUGH TO INFORM ME HE HAS 'CAUSED' HIMSELF TO HAVE AN FBI # -- IN 'HIS' PAST PROBLEMS... NOW THESE PROBLEMS.... #$%^ HIM!!!! --- WHAT DOES AN FBI # MEAN EXACTLY???
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((((6))))))
It sounds like he may have an federal case against him. He may have been selling dope as well as using it.
I can hear the pain and confusion in your post.
How can we help you pull yourself together?
It sounds like he may have an federal case against him. He may have been selling dope as well as using it.
I can hear the pain and confusion in your post.
How can we help you pull yourself together?
sixisournumber
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: somewhere between anger & pain
Posts: 11
I'm just ANGRY ANGRY at him. I feel as though I don't know 'him'. A year with a stranger... more or less. His family won't be honest about anything over than ... my problems are my problems -- GO AWAY! My life's just 360'd and I am kinda lost. Up until him I worked 50 hrs a week & took 18/19 hours of school... I managed to pull 3 degrees in 2 3/4 years being a single indepedent mother raising my two girls. With my pregnancy I'm experiencing low blood pressure/low blood sugar on top of being high risk anyway... I've gone from being a person who lives on 4 hours of sleep a day always on the go (work, school, volunteering, kids sports, the gym twice a day 6 days a week)... to... God give me the strength to get through this day... grant me the ability to not need to REST all day... I'm angry at me for allowing myself to love someone like that, I'm mad at the addict he is, and as I pray hundreds of times a day... I AM SO FIGHTING ANGER... in God ... WHY??
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Well who could blame you for feeling angry? Certainly not I... So can you use the energy that anger provides to get yourself on track.
The thing is you have yourself and your children to take care of. It sounds like you are a very hard worker and I believe you can get yourself in a good spot soon.
When others who are important to us change the way they treat us it is bound to throw us off balance.
It sounds like there are many things about this man you have been involved with that you did not know but, are finding out about.
I think you need support...
The thing is you have yourself and your children to take care of. It sounds like you are a very hard worker and I believe you can get yourself in a good spot soon.
When others who are important to us change the way they treat us it is bound to throw us off balance.
It sounds like there are many things about this man you have been involved with that you did not know but, are finding out about.
I think you need support...
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