havehope

My daughters birthday is today. She is 21. I have not spoken to her since Feb. I have tried, but she (and her husband 41 yr old) refuses to have contact with her family. I think she is still clean, but never really worked the program; so everything in life is someones elses fault, never hers. I am sad today because we usually go shopping or out to eat for her birthday. I sent her a card suggesting this, no deal. I called and left a message on her phone today and told her Happy Birthday. I hope she got it, her husband intercepts all e-mails and phone calls.
So Happy Birthday Amanda - I Love You
Terri

dollydo

I am sorry that she has rejected your invitations.

She is with a man old enough to be her father, and he has control of her. I would guess that in time, as she matures, she will start to see that. It may take years for her to realize that he is controlling her, yet, it will come.

All you can do is wait, and try to keep in touch with her.

marle

Someday Amanda is going to grow up. You know how children start wanting to do things themselves. That will happen in her relationship. She will start wanting the independence and if he can't change to accomodate that, it will end. I know that this may be little comfort now, but if she is clean, at least rejoice for that. There is a book called, "Mothers of Difficult Daughters" that has a lot of good advice for when you and your daughter are estranged. I read it because, even without the addiction, my daughter was very dependent on me. I will say a prayer for you that Amanda will soon get in contact with you. Hugs, Marle

Lobo

Havehope, It seems so many of our special occasions are not the same without the people we love. We want them there, but it seems it doesn't work out. There is so much more to addiction than just being sober or not being sober. They have to re-learn how to deal with everyday life, and the things that we do in everyday life. Someday your daughter will realize this and come around. She is still very young and it sounds like someone twice her age has a lot of control over her. Hopefully she got your message.......if she didn't I am sure she knows that you are thinking of her and love her dearly. I am thankful for you that she turned 21 sober.

Blessings on you and your daughter..............Lo

ladyamalthea

no comments on this one, just hugs and prayers.

Spiritual Seeker

Hi (((((((Terri))))))) Wishing you peace. I KNOW your grief and struggle. My situation is similar.
Addiction hijacked my 23 yo. He too chose an older controlling isolating mate (they just broke up. Now I don't know where he is, even w/o her he is not making contact.). It is hard to believe this can happen. I have to practice detachment ea. day. I do have faith and hope that the estrangement will end one day but when that happens is out of my control. Hopefully, you have faith as well .

greeteachday

Happy birthday Amanda...I hope that you will feel the love your family has for you and reach out again soon.

Terri, I'm so sorry...I know this myst be very painful. You're both in my prayers.

parentrecovers

mom hugs going out, and prayers for you and your daughter, k

caileesnana

Happy Birthday Amanda!
Peace and understanding to mom.
susan

havehope

Thanks so much to everyone here at SR. It helps so much to know that others understand how you feel. Hugs to all of you who show so much support and strength to others on this forum. You will never know how much you have helped me.
Peace and Love,
Terri

hope213

i missed this yesterday.i am sorry.i just want you to know you have done your part,the rest is up to her.prayers for you & her both.

laketime

so sorry, my as's bday was the 14th and we did get to see him for a little while. on a little better terms, however, i havent heard from him since. maybe one day, the day will come when your ad and you and my as and i can spend "good times together ,birthdays, holidays or any days. you like me will have to let their hp take care of them for now.