Lightenup here, gone for a while, things bad
Thatswayworldgoesround
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Deep South
Posts: 105
Lightenup here, gone for a while, things bad
I have been off for a while, felt like I had kind of walked away from the problems that came with our son's addiction, and I needed a break from it all. I was doing so well, and then hit a wall in my recovery from depression and from his worries.
We allowed him back here in March...............................fast forward, one more attempt at outpatient rehab, he is waiting on a bed in a detox that has allowed him in with no insurance, possibly next week, but he has gone on "a tear" 3 out of 4 of the last weekends, is going sporadically to outpatient (court-ordered) and had to sign a contract with them to go into inpatient if he relapsed again. Well, he did, so he is also supposed to be out of our home if one more relapse, but we've been trying over the past month to bide time and let him stay until he gets a bed.
I broke down big-time this week, several times. Yesterday, with Friday being here, that is his trigger day, and we all know it (did I mention he quit his job and we had a rent rule here until this month), and I told him I was apprehensive about this weekend...................this set off a whole set of crap from him and then me. I know I was talking to a brick wall, but I have been giving rides to work to outpatient, to check on inpatient, to doctor, our grocery bill has skyrocketed, and I've been doing my best to work with the addict, hands off and yet caring...............but I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
I swore I'd never let him come back here............never say never, Bets..........he is so much more aware that his problem is killing any life he can have and so when he asked, he seemed to have so much desire............was sick of being himself and living the way he was.......................turned out it just isn't his time........yet.
I have let this kid break my heart too many times. I've got to get tough again, find it somewhere to detach and care about him but not let it eat at my soul to watch him go to his own personal hell.
I think of you all often, I really do.
I guess I'm back.................guess I never really was gone.
Love to you
I feel like Cece said, I thought I was doing better until my son started slipping. Thing here is I was doing better before he came back, stayed strong, and then found myself immersed in things. If he had had a license and car I think it would be easier to detach. When someone says can you help me get to outpatient, it is so hard to say, find a way, I can't do it anymore. Then comes, can I borrow $5 until payday, then he says, I quit my job, and on and on.
Dear sweet Jesus, this gets old and I have to be strong and keep moving, don't have the energy.
Bets
We allowed him back here in March...............................fast forward, one more attempt at outpatient rehab, he is waiting on a bed in a detox that has allowed him in with no insurance, possibly next week, but he has gone on "a tear" 3 out of 4 of the last weekends, is going sporadically to outpatient (court-ordered) and had to sign a contract with them to go into inpatient if he relapsed again. Well, he did, so he is also supposed to be out of our home if one more relapse, but we've been trying over the past month to bide time and let him stay until he gets a bed.
I broke down big-time this week, several times. Yesterday, with Friday being here, that is his trigger day, and we all know it (did I mention he quit his job and we had a rent rule here until this month), and I told him I was apprehensive about this weekend...................this set off a whole set of crap from him and then me. I know I was talking to a brick wall, but I have been giving rides to work to outpatient, to check on inpatient, to doctor, our grocery bill has skyrocketed, and I've been doing my best to work with the addict, hands off and yet caring...............but I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
I swore I'd never let him come back here............never say never, Bets..........he is so much more aware that his problem is killing any life he can have and so when he asked, he seemed to have so much desire............was sick of being himself and living the way he was.......................turned out it just isn't his time........yet.
I have let this kid break my heart too many times. I've got to get tough again, find it somewhere to detach and care about him but not let it eat at my soul to watch him go to his own personal hell.
I think of you all often, I really do.
I guess I'm back.................guess I never really was gone.
Love to you
I feel like Cece said, I thought I was doing better until my son started slipping. Thing here is I was doing better before he came back, stayed strong, and then found myself immersed in things. If he had had a license and car I think it would be easier to detach. When someone says can you help me get to outpatient, it is so hard to say, find a way, I can't do it anymore. Then comes, can I borrow $5 until payday, then he says, I quit my job, and on and on.
Dear sweet Jesus, this gets old and I have to be strong and keep moving, don't have the energy.
Bets
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
sorry that this is happening, i don't have much to say but i do understand. i'll keep you and your son in my prayers. i think you are such a good parent, you have done all you know to do. don't beat yourself up about it, maybe time to just pick up and move forward, i'm praying that god will protect and guide yourson. love ya
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
I agree with Teke. You have done all you knew to do, and besides that I am slowly learning from being here that there is not much you can do to stop him or trigger him, that it is totally dependant upon when they are ready. So please, like she said, don't beat yourself up.
That being said, I hope and pray that your sons' spot opens up soon. At least then you'll be able to sleep at night...
*hugs and prayers*
That being said, I hope and pray that your sons' spot opens up soon. At least then you'll be able to sleep at night...
*hugs and prayers*
President
Join Date: May 2006
Location: on our next big adventure!
Posts: 1,253
Aw sweetie.. I have missed you soooooo much! I'm sorry that things with AS aren't going all that well, but you that the right answer will come to you with time.
Hugs and Love!
Corine
Hugs and Love!
Corine
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Bets, I know this is hard and you know my heart goes out to you but maybe it is time to let the courts handle him. You have tried and tried and he still is not getting it. He is not ready because you know if he was he would be willing to do anything to get well. Having that nice warm bed does not help much either. I can't imagine having to face putting a child on the streets since it has not yet happened to me. Sending prayers your way. I did the same thing when my daughter was doing better. I quit posting. Went really far downhill and came back. I need this place no matter what is happening in her life. Hugs, Marle
Survivor
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 149
Oh how I can relate to what you have been and are still going through......I did the same things, over and over again......until I knew that if I, not my son, but me was going to survive this addiction I had to start to take care of me and let my HP take care of him....I set boundaries and meant it....not as before when I would set boundaries only to go back to doing what I was doing and which never worked.....When my son once again wanted to come home, I did the hardest thing I have ever done in my life....I told him to go to a shelter.....I cried for hours, but you know what, later I felt better than I had felt in a long time....I was for once in control of what I would allow.....Did it help him, I don't know, he is still an addict....but he knows he I will no longer provide for him things he should provide for himself....I love him with all my heart and continue to hope that he will one day want recovery....but until that time (if ever), I can live with knowing that I did all I could, that if he stood a chance I could not/would not continue to not help but hurt his chances by not allowing him to face the consequences of his choices.....
It is hard, but it can be done and you will be much healthier for it......I am not saying you will not worry and mourn the loss, what I am saying is that you will have some measure of peace as you work toward your recovery......
It is hard, but it can be done and you will be much healthier for it......I am not saying you will not worry and mourn the loss, what I am saying is that you will have some measure of peace as you work toward your recovery......
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
I think of you all often, I really do.
I guess I'm back.................guess I never really was gone.
Love to you
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We missed you!!!! Glad to see you are back!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel like Cece said, I thought I was doing better until my son started slipping. Thing here is I was doing better before he came back, stayed strong, and then found myself immersed in things. If he had had a license and car I think it would be easier to detach.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
And as soon as I lose 5 more pounds I will stop doing this bag of meth, that's all I need.
As soon as I make a little more money I will stop doing meth.
As soon as I make my rent this month I will stop doing meth.
As soon as things start getting better for me I'll stop doing meth.
As soon as I stop feeling so suicidal I'll stop doing meth.
Sweetie, it's never easier to detach, when that situations happens there is always another obstacle.
Detaching from people or drugs, it's very similiar, the pain is real for both of us and no matter when you do it, it's going to hurt like hell.
But then it gets easier.
Today is one year nine months for me, and it doesn't hurt anymore.
You remember how suicidal I used to be? I never thought I would
get over that, but I did. We get past the pain once we work through it.
(Or it gets easier) I shouldn't say we get past it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love and Light to you!
I guess I'm back.................guess I never really was gone.
Love to you
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We missed you!!!! Glad to see you are back!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel like Cece said, I thought I was doing better until my son started slipping. Thing here is I was doing better before he came back, stayed strong, and then found myself immersed in things. If he had had a license and car I think it would be easier to detach.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
And as soon as I lose 5 more pounds I will stop doing this bag of meth, that's all I need.
As soon as I make a little more money I will stop doing meth.
As soon as I make my rent this month I will stop doing meth.
As soon as things start getting better for me I'll stop doing meth.
As soon as I stop feeling so suicidal I'll stop doing meth.
Sweetie, it's never easier to detach, when that situations happens there is always another obstacle.
Detaching from people or drugs, it's very similiar, the pain is real for both of us and no matter when you do it, it's going to hurt like hell.
But then it gets easier.
Today is one year nine months for me, and it doesn't hurt anymore.
You remember how suicidal I used to be? I never thought I would
get over that, but I did. We get past the pain once we work through it.
(Or it gets easier) I shouldn't say we get past it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love and Light to you!
Thatswayworldgoesround
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Deep South
Posts: 105
I guess yesterday he said the short serenity prayer (screw it) before he left without saying a word and left an outgoing call on my cell to his favorite drug dealer........subconsciously he is saying he needs to hit a further bottom, and I guess unless he gets a bed by mid-week, we will do what we have to do not to reach our own personal bottom and let him go toward his.
Hate it.......................how many times have we let him come and had to say go? I never want to give up on my children, and the guilt goes both ways..........booting him out with 75 cents, no job, no other real home, or giving him the easy way to stay in a rut that comes with all of the above and living in our home.
AAAAAARRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Glad to be back
Also, good news. I started a home based business. But being the honest and integrity kind of person I am, I will only tell you it has to do with what else, candles, which I love, and if you ever want any or want to know about it, PM me. No spamming here, this is my sacred place (even though I can use some business, lol).
The business has been up and down, mostly down lately, so that has added to my dismay(:
Oh, well, I don't feel so all alone today............
A big huge thanks to all of you as usual.
Hate it.......................how many times have we let him come and had to say go? I never want to give up on my children, and the guilt goes both ways..........booting him out with 75 cents, no job, no other real home, or giving him the easy way to stay in a rut that comes with all of the above and living in our home.
AAAAAARRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Glad to be back
Also, good news. I started a home based business. But being the honest and integrity kind of person I am, I will only tell you it has to do with what else, candles, which I love, and if you ever want any or want to know about it, PM me. No spamming here, this is my sacred place (even though I can use some business, lol).
The business has been up and down, mostly down lately, so that has added to my dismay(:
Oh, well, I don't feel so all alone today............
A big huge thanks to all of you as usual.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Faith~Hope~Love
Posts: 963
(((Bets)))
I'm glad to see you here, but sorry to hear of the struggles both you and your son have been facing. When my son was active, I turned him over to his HP about a zillion times a day. That and I hummed ... a lot. Seems I can't hum and have obsessive thoughts at the same time lol. Hoping and praying your son gets that bed soon.
love & prayers ~
deedee
I'm glad to see you here, but sorry to hear of the struggles both you and your son have been facing. When my son was active, I turned him over to his HP about a zillion times a day. That and I hummed ... a lot. Seems I can't hum and have obsessive thoughts at the same time lol. Hoping and praying your son gets that bed soon.
love & prayers ~
deedee
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i am sorry you both are having it so hard.it is hard to detach even when we know it is best for them & especially for us.my son does not live with me & hasn't in yrs. i am blessed not to know what he is doing everyday.i say the serenity prayer alot, that helps me. i am glad you are here with us.let us know how u r...sending prayers for you both.hugs,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Bets!
Woman!! I've missed you so much! I was so happy to log on today and see your name but I am so incredibly sorry to hear that things are so crappy right now.
You and your son are in my prayers big-time today. And I"m sending lots and lots of welcome 'home' hugs your way too. You've been missed Bets...more than you know.
Love ya....
Woman!! I've missed you so much! I was so happy to log on today and see your name but I am so incredibly sorry to hear that things are so crappy right now.
You and your son are in my prayers big-time today. And I"m sending lots and lots of welcome 'home' hugs your way too. You've been missed Bets...more than you know.
Love ya....
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Sweetheart, I'm short on original words here....I've really missed you and when i read the other post and saw your name, my heart was happy....
OOAL said exactly how I felt...
My thing was to talk outloud...I'd be in my car or in my room and telling God everything and anything...repeating my boundaries saying please help...please protect...please give me strength and clarity...It did help me not to obsess...
So true...and I understand how working through it is easier when you aren't emeshed in his life...Watching a child self destruct is so incredibly sad and hard....Just know that we are always here for and with you and understand. Love, hugs and prayers. I hope a bed opens soon and the court requires enough time in patient for his brain to start healing enough to want it...
Bets!
Woman!! I've missed you so much! I was so happy to log on today and see your name but I am so incredibly sorry to hear that things are so crappy right now.
Woman!! I've missed you so much! I was so happy to log on today and see your name but I am so incredibly sorry to hear that things are so crappy right now.
That and I hummed ... a lot. Seems I can't hum and have obsessive thoughts at the same time lol.
We get past the pain once we work through it.
(Or it gets easier) I shouldn't say we get past it.
(Or it gets easier) I shouldn't say we get past it.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
(( bets))
Welcome back, although I'm sorry for the circumstances. It's so darn difficult as a parent to NOT get in there when we see our kids heading for a self destructing situation.... apparently your son has a bit more research to do before he figures out that he needs help.
All I can say is we're here, we understand, and it might help for you to step up your meetings during this difficult time. It's what I do when things are going to H*ll in a bucket...
HUGS
Cats
Welcome back, although I'm sorry for the circumstances. It's so darn difficult as a parent to NOT get in there when we see our kids heading for a self destructing situation.... apparently your son has a bit more research to do before he figures out that he needs help.
All I can say is we're here, we understand, and it might help for you to step up your meetings during this difficult time. It's what I do when things are going to H*ll in a bucket...
HUGS
Cats
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((((((Bets))))))))))
I'm sorry the way things are turning out with your son.
It sounds as if the rollercoaster is back in motion and you got stuck with a ticket to ride.
My as, 25, has been staying with his alcoholic dad and his 36 yo gf the past 9 months. He came home one night drunk, (he hasn't use H since he was released from jail back in April 2006) and it was the last straw for me.
I took him to his dad's the next morning. Still drinks occasionally, smokes pot, and still has that d*mn addict mentality.
It's better here without him, but I still miss him so and continue to try to rule his life from afar, (the boonies).
With love and support,
Linda
I'm sorry the way things are turning out with your son.
It sounds as if the rollercoaster is back in motion and you got stuck with a ticket to ride.
My as, 25, has been staying with his alcoholic dad and his 36 yo gf the past 9 months. He came home one night drunk, (he hasn't use H since he was released from jail back in April 2006) and it was the last straw for me.
I took him to his dad's the next morning. Still drinks occasionally, smokes pot, and still has that d*mn addict mentality.
It's better here without him, but I still miss him so and continue to try to rule his life from afar, (the boonies).
With love and support,
Linda
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
I just kicked out my 17 year old twice in two weeks. he would promise to go to rehab and then change his mind when time came. So anyway, I had him arrested for stealing adderall from my safe and he spent a week-end in jail before he was released tomy custody. Now he is court-ordered which is what I was trying to get all along. We are also waiting for a bed at rehab... this will be his 5th trip in his young life. Sigh...it seems to never end, doesn't it? Hang in there.
krhea
krhea
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((Bets)))) So glad you are back, so sad for the reason ... ((hugs))
Each time we had an addicted child leave our home, Mr. Big and I learned something. Sometimes it was something we THOUGHT we had already learned, but we were mistaken... the previous time had only been practice.
Please don't be so hard on yourself - it is not a perfect program, nor does it demand perfect adherence to any of its rules. We only do what we can live with. That's it. That IS our very best.
My prayers are that your son can find what he needs, and that you can find some serenity and peace. For me, that could only come with our child out of our home. It was just the only way that worked.
(((hugs)))) You are in my prayers.
Each time we had an addicted child leave our home, Mr. Big and I learned something. Sometimes it was something we THOUGHT we had already learned, but we were mistaken... the previous time had only been practice.
Please don't be so hard on yourself - it is not a perfect program, nor does it demand perfect adherence to any of its rules. We only do what we can live with. That's it. That IS our very best.
My prayers are that your son can find what he needs, and that you can find some serenity and peace. For me, that could only come with our child out of our home. It was just the only way that worked.
(((hugs)))) You are in my prayers.
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