laketime

I Have Been Very Reluctant To Post This As It Is Embarrasing. I Told You Guys About My As Threatening To Kill Me When I Cut Off His Cell And Told Him No More Help. Hes In An Oxford House In Nashville, About An Hour And A Half From Here. Well He Shows Up In My Office Wednesday, (thats How Long Its Taken Me To Get Up The Gumption To Be Hohnest) And He Tells Me He Got A Job. Working Construction $10 Per Hour. One Of The Guys In The House Helped Him Get On. He Said He Wouldnt Get A Paycheck Until Friday Week And Didnt Have Any Food. So I Codie,codie,codie, Gave Him Three More 50.00 Food Cards And Another Tank Of Gas To Get To Work. Pitiful Isn;t It. I Just Have This Thing About Food. I Didnt Give Cash And Yet I Know They Can Trade These Cards. Anyway Im Going To Leave His Using Up To Him And The Guys At The Oxford House, At Least I Feel Better Knowing He Has Food If He Chooses. So My Old Codie Self Can Have A Good Weekend, Knock On Wood

ladyamalthea

Maybe the fact that he has a job is a good sign? I think that people who are addicted to the addict can relapse just as easily as the addict can...

And yes, you should totally be able to have a good weekend! If he calls back that quickly for more food and gas, then you know he's leading you on.

*hugs and prayers*

lostparent

Lake..I understand how you feel about the food my husband is the same way. When AD wasn't living with us my husband would take her to the store an by her food. We knew she had used her money for dope but we did it anyway. My husband just can't take the thought of one of his kids not having any thing to eat. It's so hard to just give up on your own kid, you just keep thinking ..ok this time if I help just this one more time..
Saying prayers that this time your son is on the right path.

marle

If your son has a job, he should not need those food cards for long. Hopefully his job works out and his dependence on you will no longer be necessary. The last time I saw my daughter I let her take some food from our house and we gave her abf $10 for gas. (This is a guy who made $100,000 last year. How sick is that.) Anyway, if your son progresses in his addiction, I believe that you will progress in your recovery. That is how it worked for me. You do reach a point of saying no more and the thing is you are aware that you are enabling. There are parents out there that do not have a clue that giving the addict food or money is enabling. Many more that don't know that their children are addicts. So you have made progress. Enjoy your weekend. Marle

rahsue

don't be so hard on yourself. So you gave him food and gas, whoopie. lol
sometimes we do these things to make us feel better. so better luck next time (hopefully there won't be one)

BigSis

Lake - you are so hard on yourself! We aren't perfect, and there is no such thing as "perfect recovery" - not for them, and not for us.

You did what you can live with... be at peace with that.

What I suspect is really perking is your fear around your son's possibly using. If he is - he is. My prayers are that he can find what he needs...soon.

(((Laketime)))

caileesnana

He's still on my prayer list. Have a good weekend,
susan

maddie82

I agree, don't beat yourself up over it...I feel the same way about food. No matter what happened, it was always really hard to see my Abf go without eating. When he moved into a sober house about 1,000 miles a month ago I swore I wouldn't help him at all. Well, I transferred $40 dollars into his food account that they give them and once put a pizza on my credit card for him! I felt stupid afterwards both times, but I figure it's a big improvement over letting him live with me and leach off of me in every way possible. Baby steps...don't feel too bad about it

Louise54

Hey, if it makes you feel better than go for it. At least you can have peace of mind this weekend, if even though we really never know if it's the right thing to do. I think I have more reason to beat myself up. I just gave my ras $5.00 for a pack of cigarettes. He was going through the nicotine withdraw and I broke down, but I gave it to him on the condition that he makes an honest effort to look for a job, cause that is going to be his last pack. He's out right now, as we speak filling out applications. Talk about a codie. You don't need cigarettes to live, they kill, but here I am giving it to him anyway. My husband would kill me if he knew. LOL I'm such an idiot!

MsPINKAcres

Progress not Perfection my friend.

I have no idea if what you did was right or not - that's between you, your recovery & your HP.
But I do know that what's done is done - no sense in stressing, worrying or fretting about it now.

All I can suggest to do now, is to ask for the wisdom from your HP to know if there is a different plan for you to try if or when the next time comes again.

Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita

dollydo

Well, I hope he has a job, and that you haven't given him gas money to see gf, and feed her too.

The decision was made, now you'll just have to see what happens.

May it all work out the way you want it to.

blue pansy

Ok so you're still a parent, that's what parents do they feed their kids.
And now you feel bad about feeding your son. If that was what you felt you should do given the situation, so be it. It's done don't worry about it.
He's got a job, he's in an Oxford house, he's roughly 90 miles away, he's got his fate (using or not) in his and his HP's hands and gulp! you're human............ aren't we all???

Elana

Well, this sort of thing almost never works. Hopefully he will surprise us and will buy food and gas and go to work, right?

Can't un do it, might as well try to make it positive. Either he will surpise you or he won't and either way there will be a lesson.
and the world will not end.

Ann

Yup, we've all done that and if we could afford it then we don't have to guilt about if they made a bad decision with it.

That said, I remember trying to make sure my son had food without giving him money, so I bought groceries at the market down the street from where he lived. When I left I forgot something and went back, just in time to see him take most of the food back to the market and try to get cash back.

We can't outwit addiction. After that, if my son was hungry he came for dinner or I took him out and ate with him.

How sad our lessons are, yes?

hope213

me too!!!! i feed the neighbors cats,dogs,any strays. i can not stand to see anything or anybody hungry. i have bought my son food lots of times.i have never given him cards but feed him, i guess i always will.i know he can eat if he wants too.don't beat yourself up. i just hope your son will get clean.prayers,hope

Lobo

It's okay, Lake. I never made witholding food one of my boundries because I know I couldn't stick to it. I can't let anyone go without food. You did what made you feel good. Sometimes we just need to make ourselves feel good too. Hope you had a good week-end.

Lois

parentrecovers

hey laketime - so is your son still at the oxford house?

k

PacNorwesterner

Just a little sarcasm, here. If as has no gas money, why did he waste the gas to make a three hour round trip?

Sorry. Sometimes, I find myself getting a little too jaded.

Hope you and Mrs. Lake had a fabulous weekend. I pray the construction job works out, and recovery progresses.

teke

sorry i'm so late on this lake, i'm sending you hugs and prayers, for your son and the rest of you guys. hope your wkend went ok, i agree with the others. don't beat yourself up, in my opinion, you did what you felt was best for YOU to do for you. you found peace for yourself by giving your son food, what it does with it is totally up to him.