Taking a big leap of faith
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: home sweet home
Posts: 302
Taking a big leap of faith
dear friends.
I am taking the big leap of faith, I am moving 2000 miles away from where I have spent my whole life. Tomorrow is the moving day. I cannot sleep, so I ventured on my favorite site to attempt to relax a bit.
I know in my heart this is going to be a good thing for me , in all aspects. It is just so frustrating....my ex abf in recovery ? has called here and there, boo hooing about how he misses me, and thinks of me each day. I have been wrestling with the fact that I am screaming inside wanting so badly to tell him about my new job position and move. One day he misses me, the next it will be two weeks and maybe he will phone. He has moved out where I am going, and has been there already about a year and a half. We were doing a long distance realationship for his first year, it was going well. Then boom. The one thing I thought was finally stable, and the real point is, he did not want to be together every day. So, I said so be it , and went on my merry way. He says he did not want to never talk, or stop the relationship, just stop the everyday stuff. I said no. So now I have still followed my heart, and continued my changes, without him in my life. I am not moving to his town, but about an hour away. I purposely made sure it would not be close. I am proud of the fact that I have done this all on my own, and am so happy to just get there. I am excited about the new job beginning, and my new home. It is killing me to not share this with him, inside my heart. I know I am better off without him and his issues, but I never thought I would get to the point that I would make all these changes, and not tell him. I guess I just need to vent this...I am in a happy place in my life without him, but fall a sucker to his sob story when he has a weak moment. My point is, I deserve a whole person, not bits and pieces. So, I have chosen to not jump when he decides to contact me, as I always did before. It makes me feel bad inside, because I would not normally treat someone this way, whether a friend or a lover. It is just not in my heart. I feel torn, and bad about my detachment....
I guess my homework needs work again. I have let my guilt take over somewhere inside for a while.
The fact is, he does not deserve to know, based on his caring, not caring ways. I still find it hard sometimes to not want to share the good stuff. We have been through so much bad with his addiction...so why do I still feel attached? We have been apart for over five months now.
I actually had three offers and went out there for a week to decide what might be good for me. He never phoned at that time, so I just went through it all myself.
It was the hardest thing not to let him know. On the other hand it was very impowering to know I did it all on my own. (really just as I always did He has been a very sick man from his childhood and now that he is really alone, the last we connected, I realized he has been in his recovery program, but his compulsive behaviors were still very present, not in a good way.
I am exhausted from the good stress.....and just want to be there.
Please pray for me to have a safe journey, as I begin this new chapter. I am in my forties, .......so this is a HUGE change for me. I know my hp has bigger plans for me.
I am grateful that I have this opportunity to fly!!!!
Love to all,
Mendingheart
I am taking the big leap of faith, I am moving 2000 miles away from where I have spent my whole life. Tomorrow is the moving day. I cannot sleep, so I ventured on my favorite site to attempt to relax a bit.
I know in my heart this is going to be a good thing for me , in all aspects. It is just so frustrating....my ex abf in recovery ? has called here and there, boo hooing about how he misses me, and thinks of me each day. I have been wrestling with the fact that I am screaming inside wanting so badly to tell him about my new job position and move. One day he misses me, the next it will be two weeks and maybe he will phone. He has moved out where I am going, and has been there already about a year and a half. We were doing a long distance realationship for his first year, it was going well. Then boom. The one thing I thought was finally stable, and the real point is, he did not want to be together every day. So, I said so be it , and went on my merry way. He says he did not want to never talk, or stop the relationship, just stop the everyday stuff. I said no. So now I have still followed my heart, and continued my changes, without him in my life. I am not moving to his town, but about an hour away. I purposely made sure it would not be close. I am proud of the fact that I have done this all on my own, and am so happy to just get there. I am excited about the new job beginning, and my new home. It is killing me to not share this with him, inside my heart. I know I am better off without him and his issues, but I never thought I would get to the point that I would make all these changes, and not tell him. I guess I just need to vent this...I am in a happy place in my life without him, but fall a sucker to his sob story when he has a weak moment. My point is, I deserve a whole person, not bits and pieces. So, I have chosen to not jump when he decides to contact me, as I always did before. It makes me feel bad inside, because I would not normally treat someone this way, whether a friend or a lover. It is just not in my heart. I feel torn, and bad about my detachment....
I guess my homework needs work again. I have let my guilt take over somewhere inside for a while.
The fact is, he does not deserve to know, based on his caring, not caring ways. I still find it hard sometimes to not want to share the good stuff. We have been through so much bad with his addiction...so why do I still feel attached? We have been apart for over five months now.
I actually had three offers and went out there for a week to decide what might be good for me. He never phoned at that time, so I just went through it all myself.
It was the hardest thing not to let him know. On the other hand it was very impowering to know I did it all on my own. (really just as I always did He has been a very sick man from his childhood and now that he is really alone, the last we connected, I realized he has been in his recovery program, but his compulsive behaviors were still very present, not in a good way.
I am exhausted from the good stress.....and just want to be there.
Please pray for me to have a safe journey, as I begin this new chapter. I am in my forties, .......so this is a HUGE change for me. I know my hp has bigger plans for me.
I am grateful that I have this opportunity to fly!!!!
Love to all,
Mendingheart
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I did something similar and it has turned out to be one of my better judgements and moves.
About telling him....you have plenty of time to think about that. But there must be some gut instinct that is causing you not to reveal it at this time...and whatever it is, it's likely right.
About telling him....you have plenty of time to think about that. But there must be some gut instinct that is causing you not to reveal it at this time...and whatever it is, it's likely right.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
What a wonderful adventure!
Time to change your contact with him too
as is ...
Do Not give him any way to reach you.
Over is over...cut the drama and thrive
Time to change your contact with him too
as is ...
Do Not give him any way to reach you.
Over is over...cut the drama and thrive
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
did i understand that u are moving an hr. away from a.b.f. & it is 2,000 miles from where you live now? if so, how did that happen? i wish you the very best on this adventure.it is the beginning of the beginning. prayers,
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Congrats on the new adventure in life -
Age doesn't matter - You can start a new life at any point in time - Whenever you are ready to "FLY" -
Best Wishes for you - May your new home & new job be filled with Serenity & Joy,
Rita
Age doesn't matter - You can start a new life at any point in time - Whenever you are ready to "FLY" -
Best Wishes for you - May your new home & new job be filled with Serenity & Joy,
Rita
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
My point is, I deserve a whole person, not bits and pieces. So, I have chosen to not jump when he decides to contact me, as I always did before. It makes me feel bad inside, because I would not normally treat someone this way, whether a friend or a lover. It is just not in my heart. I feel torn, and bad about my detachment....
You shouldn't have to feel bad because you're standing up for what you really want out of life. Obviously he doesn't want the same things you want. You are not treating him "badly" either. You are just moving on.
Things will get so much better for you. You have so much to look forward to with everything being new.
Hang in there and stay strong.
You shouldn't have to feel bad because you're standing up for what you really want out of life. Obviously he doesn't want the same things you want. You are not treating him "badly" either. You are just moving on.
Things will get so much better for you. You have so much to look forward to with everything being new.
Hang in there and stay strong.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: home sweet home
Posts: 302
Thank you all for your support and kind words if encouragement. I am flying on my road to a much more fulfilling life. Cannot wait to get started! The movers came today to pack my whole life, and it all fits in a POD! LOL
I am exhausted. I did this in less than a week and a half, but had been interviewing for quite a while, since April,. I love the area, with or without the man. So off I go! I will have to email you all when I get settled and all hooked up with things.
Love to you all!
I am exhausted. I did this in less than a week and a half, but had been interviewing for quite a while, since April,. I love the area, with or without the man. So off I go! I will have to email you all when I get settled and all hooked up with things.
Love to you all!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: home sweet home
Posts: 302
Thank you Elana, I am so tired, but very excited. I just want to say my good byes and be on my way.
In the mean time, but ex abf has called to miss me ...think of me every day....and the poor sick man should! I was the best thing that ever happened to him....patient, loving, and giving of it all. You all know the story. I just wish I knew if he were still in recovery. Based on his actions, or lack of, I do find it difficult to think he remains.
So blessed to think I do not have to carry the weight of his addictive baggage. It never allowed me to let my guard down. Always the responsible one, the go to gal.
I can now relax, and know I only have to attend to me, and my needs, of which he obviously could not meet. It saddens me to think of his future..no real invested time of work with pension, no home to own, no children.....he wanders like a lost soul. Yet he always seems to get an easy way out...tries to beat the system. He is so intelligent, and for all the drugs he has done, it is a wonder over the years he still has a mind left, ya know? Such a waste of talent.
Whew! That felt really good to get out. I admit I still think of him, and miss some things even though they were so dysfuntional....I long to feel the snuggle in the bed at night, or the touch of a hand in the middle of the darkness.
Time to move forward and just feel it, and get out of it.
My prayers go to him each and everyday. How difficult it must be to struggle each day you awake to face a new day. I look at it as a gift, and welcomed thing. He gets up and says Oh God time to do something. LOL
Peace to you all.
In the mean time, but ex abf has called to miss me ...think of me every day....and the poor sick man should! I was the best thing that ever happened to him....patient, loving, and giving of it all. You all know the story. I just wish I knew if he were still in recovery. Based on his actions, or lack of, I do find it difficult to think he remains.
So blessed to think I do not have to carry the weight of his addictive baggage. It never allowed me to let my guard down. Always the responsible one, the go to gal.
I can now relax, and know I only have to attend to me, and my needs, of which he obviously could not meet. It saddens me to think of his future..no real invested time of work with pension, no home to own, no children.....he wanders like a lost soul. Yet he always seems to get an easy way out...tries to beat the system. He is so intelligent, and for all the drugs he has done, it is a wonder over the years he still has a mind left, ya know? Such a waste of talent.
Whew! That felt really good to get out. I admit I still think of him, and miss some things even though they were so dysfuntional....I long to feel the snuggle in the bed at night, or the touch of a hand in the middle of the darkness.
Time to move forward and just feel it, and get out of it.
My prayers go to him each and everyday. How difficult it must be to struggle each day you awake to face a new day. I look at it as a gift, and welcomed thing. He gets up and says Oh God time to do something. LOL
Peace to you all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Mendingheart...
So much strength and wisdom in your posts! You've really been working on your recovery...keeping the focus on YOU...and it shows.
Be proud of yourself for having the courage to change things. Be very, very proud!!
I'm excited for you with this new start...this new adventure. Keep going...keep looking forward...you're doing great!!
Best of luck with the move...please let us know how you're doing when you can!!
So much strength and wisdom in your posts! You've really been working on your recovery...keeping the focus on YOU...and it shows.
Be proud of yourself for having the courage to change things. Be very, very proud!!
I'm excited for you with this new start...this new adventure. Keep going...keep looking forward...you're doing great!!
Best of luck with the move...please let us know how you're doing when you can!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: home sweet home
Posts: 302
Thank you so very much for your encouraging words. yes I have always done a LOT of homework over the last ten years. I hope I never stop....because I feel that each day is a challenge to our own awareness of how we act or react.
I am very proud of the fact that I have done this and made this decision all on my own not because of , nor for anyone but ME.
I feel great things are about to come into my life.
I wish I had more time to sit and post to others, but my plate is pretty full these last few months. When I get settled, I shall be back, and share my new start.
Everyone here had been such an inspiration, I think of you daily, and all your joys, and struggles. Life is too short to stay miserable. May many of you find your way to your inner peace, however you see fit.
I miss some of the old friends here.....they knew me in my darkest experiences, and I can honestly say I would not have made it through some of those times without their support and input. I think we all reach a point where we are floundering and have no answers nor direction. We are afraid to make the wrong choices, and those darn what if's will kill us all. LOL Bless you all
I am very proud of the fact that I have done this and made this decision all on my own not because of , nor for anyone but ME.
I feel great things are about to come into my life.
I wish I had more time to sit and post to others, but my plate is pretty full these last few months. When I get settled, I shall be back, and share my new start.
Everyone here had been such an inspiration, I think of you daily, and all your joys, and struggles. Life is too short to stay miserable. May many of you find your way to your inner peace, however you see fit.
I miss some of the old friends here.....they knew me in my darkest experiences, and I can honestly say I would not have made it through some of those times without their support and input. I think we all reach a point where we are floundering and have no answers nor direction. We are afraid to make the wrong choices, and those darn what if's will kill us all. LOL Bless you all
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
What an exciting time in your life...thank you for sharing it here! New beginnings...I just lvoe the idea. I tend to agree with Carol that not letting him know where you are may be the best way to make a clean break. New chapter, new friends, new adventures.
Sending prayers for a safe journey and that you enjoy your new job and opportunities. Please let us know when you are settled! Hugs and prayers
Sending prayers for a safe journey and that you enjoy your new job and opportunities. Please let us know when you are settled! Hugs and prayers
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