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A Penny For Your Thoughts, Part 19

Old 07-14-2007, 11:22 PM
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Wow Live, vent on woman!

i'm just takin a break from my cleaning, too. I don't really know what to say, except let it out! I'll be checking in on you so you got someone to listen. I'm probably gonna be up half the night too, got a lot of work to do!

I used to spend $$ on men too. but I only made at the most $27, 000 a year. I am sure as hell never spendin nothin on a man again! I'm sure your man loves you for more than $$ though, cause you seem like a real cool lady.

At least you are taking your anger out in a constructive way! I tend to just sit and stew.
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Old 07-14-2007, 11:56 PM
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I am just realizing how small my new place really is. I'm looking at it as a challenge, though. Simplify my life even more.

I'm trying to find my sage so I can burn it and purify my space.

Finally got the stereo hooked up! Gotta have music to clean!

How ya doin' Live?
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Old 07-15-2007, 12:03 AM
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Originally Posted by cinderellawkids View Post
I guess its time to pull money from next 3 checks so I can get her fixed, so she never has to go through this again (or me either)
you should check. i know some states have what they call "big fix wagons". they're mobile spay/neuter clinics that charge a fraction of the price of traditional vets. i had 2 cats neutered and it only cost me about 35 dollars.
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Old 07-15-2007, 12:04 AM
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They really have spay/neuter vans now? That was something I always thought would be a great idea! I'm happy to hear that!
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Old 07-15-2007, 12:08 AM
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Glad to see I'm not the only one awake! LOL! I just cannot get myself together these days. I want to sleep, and certainly am exhausted in the morning, but nonetheless, it's 2am and I'm still up! It really sucks!

I'm angry, sad, slightly depressed, etc. J is driving me absolutely crazy and I just really, really, really need a break from him, but just cannot burden anyone with him right now. When he aggrivates me like this, it just all kind of reminds me of the way xabf and I used to fight. Just stupid fights where nothing ever changes, and I just accept that I'm not going to win, and choose to hibernate and withdraw. I really need to get myself together! It's just way too exhausting!

Went to see my mom. She's doing okay at the moment. They said her potassium was really low and gave her some pills. Saw like 90 million doctors. All specialists! I just don't even know what's going on. And, kinda feel myself disconnecting from it all, and lashing out in other areas. Argh!!!!!
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Old 07-15-2007, 12:11 AM
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BTW, I totally got myself some ice cream when we went to the store the other day! Ooooohhhh.... you'll be sooo proud of me! I got Ben & Jerry's Strawberry cheesecake and Extra creamy cookies and cream! Needless to say, with the mood I'm in, I ate the whole thing of Strawberry cheesecake! Ugh!!!! Somebody please smack me upside the head!!!!
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Old 07-15-2007, 12:12 AM
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hey never, glad to hear your mom is doing OK. Also glad I'm not the only one up! I have had insomnia like crazy. I always have had that problem, but it's worse than usual lately. Who is J?


Don't feel bad, I always eat the whole pint!
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Old 07-15-2007, 12:16 AM
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J is my son! He acts just like xabf sometimes!

I've had insomnia since I was young. It had been getting better (at least better then when I was in like highschool... used to be up all week and crash on the weekends). I honestly thought I had it under control. I think part of it's behavioral. I just don't want to go to sleep somedays.
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Old 07-15-2007, 12:18 AM
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I'm gonna try to go to bed now! Ugh!!!
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Old 07-15-2007, 12:29 AM
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Originally Posted by nevergivingup View Post
J is my son! He acts just like xabf sometimes!

I've had insomnia since I was young. It had been getting better (at least better then when I was in like highschool... used to be up all week and crash on the weekends). I honestly thought I had it under control. I think part of it's behavioral. I just don't want to go to sleep somedays.
i honestly think mine comes from being much younger than the rest of my family. i still have this feeling that if i go to bed early i will miss out on something!

sleep well.
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Old 07-15-2007, 12:38 AM
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Thanks Raerae, do you know that since we got together I have tried to make it a point to never speak badly about him...I have done some little bitching here and with a couple of girlfriends, but just regular how they don't help with the housework stuff. Etc.

This is the first time I have ever really broken that vow of loyalty.

But, anyway..thanks for putting up with it.

I am not near done! LOL

But, by jove....I got an idea! I need to clean the living room so that I can invite Loves to our home tomorrow and it not be a pigsty. Good one, eh? Whether she has the slightest interest or not, doesn't matter. That's my story and I am sticking to it.

So, yeah, I am wearing down....but real coffee is almost like speed to me. I think I will have another cup! I have rearranged some things....and him being an artist and an observant man, he will notice and will recognize the symbolism of some things.

Another sweet I said to mix things up was that I have alot of wonderful photos of his mom on my computer. I do. But that is not all I am thinking. No way am I going to have smut books in the house.! Not in any house I live in. But, when we first started seeing each other, after awhile, well he was also a professional photographer with an infrared night lens and I let him take some pretty graphic photos of me. What did I care...I was leaving in a few months, never to return. I thought......so, when I clean out my bedside table drawer, guess what goes in there?
Along with some real sweetheart together photos too. He said that out of conscience he deleted all photos of others, but I think I know where some of one are. And what's really sick about it is, it isn't someone he ever dated, but his lesbian/bisexual stepdaughter used to send him explicit photos. I have never seen them, but I am pretty sure I located the disc when I was hoping to retrieve my Argentina photos sent to him email, coz my computer crashed and his camera was accidentally lost with all the chips. They will be in there too.

So, by morning, things will be cleaned up and I can shut the door to the storage room. Except I am not touching one bit of his mess all over the drum table, his end of the couch that he uses like a side table and his ottoman that is also a mess. All he will see is his mess.

It's even a good explanation for hiding the excercise thing in his bedroom. I don't have to explain I intend to put it in there for good. But with company coming....

yep, by the time I get as done as I can stand in here, it will be dawn and I will go out and cut fresh flowers for the vases. He used to bring me flowers fairly often.
This will NOT go unnoticed.

Then I will take a nice bath, fix my hair, dress up a little and go to the flea market to meet Loves. Usually he goes with me even tho' he doesn't want to....but he won't want to and would genuinely like me to have time with my friend. So, I get to look nice and say...ta-ta. Then I can sleep and will work on finishing touches on Noah's afghan. This is a double motive too...but he may not pick up on it.

The one thing I put on my bedside table is a commissioned painted carving, that a stupid, genius ex broke in half over jealousy...a gay man did it and I paid him for it.
I love it. I chose this work and it is very special to me and has much meaning...and also it is about the union of man and woman. Well, he has been saying he would repair it for about forever and it is still broke in half. So I put that on that table with the halves together.

I hope your place is really coming together. I am excited about it for you!

Oh, got to make sure I put the new blinds up. It is easy, the brackets are all ready there...I just got them at the flea market for like nothing and is much easier than cleaning the old ones. I asked him to do it two days ago. And have had them lying out in plain site ready to go.
I might just rip down the mosquito netting around the guest bed altho' I am not going to get out the hardware and take the ring out of the ceiling. That was another I'll do that from a couple months ago.

yep, he is going to feel like dogsh!t.

My daddy alway taught me that if someone hits me, hit them back much harder.
That was a lesson he wanted me to learn before I went to school.
It worked then.

And when we finally talk about it, I will be talking about it being about how very hurt I was. And that is totally true.

Okay, tired, but going to do a few more things. Trying to hang in for just a few more hours.
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Old 07-15-2007, 12:41 AM
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I lost a whole nother long post! Crap. Clean a little more and I'll be back.

Anyway, by jove...I've got the idea....I must stay up and clean so that I can invite Loves over and it not be a pigsty.

I'll rewrite the rest of the nasty stuff in my sick and devious mind after I get a few more things done. I am slowing down. But....just a few more hours to go.
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Old 07-15-2007, 01:20 AM
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Live you sound like a varitable whirlwind of activity! You are gonna stay up all night!
I can do that, but I'm crap the next day. And I always look it, too.

His step daughter sent him explicit photos-of herself? that's kind weird. that carving sounds cool.
My place is coming together ok, slowly. I used to have a king-size bed. But I had to get rid of it..no room here. My friend gave me a full-size for now. I miss the big bed. I'm tall and I like to sprawl out. The big bed felt real lonely with only me, though.
My new place sure is quiet, though. I used to have a lot of traffic noise and horns and sirens, the art school kids across the street party all night every night.

You won't need to clean again for weeks! When i get this place put together, I'm gonna try and keep it super clean and organized. Then maybe I'll actually use that yoga mat I found in the closet when I moved!

I hope your man appreciates all the work your doing when he wakes up!!
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Old 07-15-2007, 01:45 AM
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It wasn't there, it is there..the post???????

Well now he has really gone and done it.
I have been trying to be quiet.
Now putting the crock pot away and removing the range grates and washing the stovetop made a little noise but I did try to be quiet about it.
Then I tiptoe in his bedroom to put a pair of his shoes in there.
And he growls ....what ya gonna get out the hardware next?
I said, I want to clean things up so I can invite Loves over.
He says nice you will do it for other people but not for us.
UH-OH. wrong thing to say.
I said, well then I might as well just finish the vacuuming then, he says go ahead.
Nah, I will not react and that was not on my schedule next.
But....I am washing floors, just wiping them up quickly really with bleach and hot water. Well, the man has a hangup, a real hangup, about bleaching the toilet anytime anyone does a number 2. Guess what....there is barely going to be a dribble of bleach left. And I need to go number two soon. Either the coffee or beer.
The coffee sure is working. And that reminds me...I also have half a beer to go.

Aw, yeah, that sounded like a nice splattery loose one. I am sure he heard it. LOL

Still mixing the sweet with the sour. Found a couple of photos of his mom he had really been wanting. Laid them right up there on the overcrowded table with yet another frame I had bought for him.

Hmm....speaking of hardware. Soon as I finish the floor, I need to put those blinds up. But no hardware required, just take down curtain (leather, fetish again) snap new blinds into brackets and put curtain back up.

I will wait until he gets up to vacuum.

It's that big pile of misc I keep sort of hid but it overflows behind my chair that I just dread. But I will make sure it gets done even if I have to just hide some of it.

I don't think I will dust everything. Got to leave some for him to watch. Like the entertainment stand right in front of his chair and the tv.

I don't think he will want me to sleep with him, eh?
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Old 07-15-2007, 01:47 AM
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Yep, up all night. You are going at it strong too! Bet you will LOVE the quiet!
Okay...gotta finish the floor...before the water gets cold.
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Old 07-15-2007, 02:03 AM
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Smile

Originally Posted by liveweyerd View Post
He says nice you will do it for other people but not for us.
UH-OH. wrong thing to say.
Oooohhh...yes i agree that was the wrong thing for him to say!

Wow girl, you are a powerhouse of a cleaner!

I'm afraid I'm running out of steam here. I think i'm gonna have to go beddybye for now.

I want to go to the beach tomorrow. that is my favorite thing and I have deprived myself lately.

Good night Live, don't over work yourself!!!
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Old 07-15-2007, 02:11 AM
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Originally Posted by liveweyerd View Post
It's that big pile of misc I keep sort of hid but it overflows behind my chair that I just dread.
I always have that pile of misc. thing going on too. I get rid of the pile and then it re-appears!
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Old 07-15-2007, 02:23 AM
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I am on speed! Real coffee is like speed in my system. I am and have been total decaf...well, except for a few brownies over the last few days.

And why just yesterday, Fri, I bought him ice cream as that is his favorite treat.

No he is not going to appreciate he and I both know full well that he has trouble sleeping and I am making it impossible or just about.

This is revenge....the cleaning.
Y'know...what can he say really, the bitch cleaned the whole house all night and I couldn't sleep. Did she vacuum? No. hang pictures? No. etc.

Okay, it is getting late enough....we always get up early...he often gets up around 5-6....bet he wont today. But I am going to change those blinds and then go take a shower. And the bathroom adjoins the bedroom.

I tried to perc some more of his coffee but apparently I don't know how. That is going to mess him up first thing in the groggy, growly morning! The water is in there but it won't perc. I don't know why. But he left it empty and is liable to make a real mess with it. Unless I remember to tell him. Hope I am not in the shower at the time!

Be annoying but blameless is the way my deviant mind is working.

Sorry Never, hope you get some real rest.

Definately the beach Raerae...you deserve it.

Won't go into the bedroom again until he gets up so I guess I will be wearing a towel.
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Old 07-15-2007, 02:27 AM
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[QUOTE=liveweyerd;1410684]

This is revenge....the cleaning.
Y'know...what can he say really, the bitch cleaned the whole house all night and I couldn't sleep. Did she vacuum? No. hang pictures? No. etc.


Be annoying but blameless is the way my deviant mind is working.

QUOTE]

LOL!
I gotta hand it to ya...that's a whole new way to get revenge! Annoying but blameless...I like the sound of that....
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Old 07-15-2007, 02:27 AM
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I did find the hammer! And I think I know where the nails are. But that's for later.

Sweet dreams, y'all.

I am in a good mood actually.

I prefer this to when I curled up and cried at first.

Okay, my intent and motives are far from blameless but I have only confessed that to you all.
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