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A Penny For Your Thoughts, Part 19

Old 07-13-2007, 12:36 PM
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I don't like "them" if the them is my "mate" and I don't like me when I drink or be around said "mate" if they do! I'm just a lost cause huh?
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Old 07-13-2007, 12:41 PM
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OOOOOO you're so much way farther than me. I COULD NOT DO IT.
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Old 07-13-2007, 12:44 PM
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
i'll just stick em on the deck like i do the dog when he misbehaves!!!!

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!! do you swat him on the nose with the newspaper too? that's too funny!!

Please say yes - just so I can have the mental image of doing that the next time I encounter my AH under the influence -
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Old 07-13-2007, 12:51 PM
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ok you guys, i've got issues. hope i'm not being a bore. i'm not getting something i guess. please don't give up on me, when it comes to me, i don't think i'm seeing things so clearly.

now, earlier in the wk, i mentioned to ah that we didnt have food here and that the gas was about to be disconnected, he said that he had a few dollars and would buy food for the kids. if you remember, my account got kind of messed up before i got sick and i thought that i was gonna allow him to stay at least 3wks, hopefully until i get my finances straighten out, then i got sick. fast forward.

he just called to ask me how were we gonna handle, i guess him getting us food and a few dollars. he rides a bicycle now, mind you, i know its not for exercise purpose and i think that that is just pitiful.

anyway, i guess he is thinking to get off work then catch the bus again to come this way. problem is, the more i think about him, right now, the less i want to see him. the more i think about why we are not together, the less i want to even be around him. right now i just can't imagine him being no where near me or my house. i get anxiety attacts just thinking about him so what do i do. i told him that i would try to drive to the grocery store to meet him. i wished that i didn't have to do this but i honestly don't have anything here until i get myself financially straighten again. what do i do now? i realize that i just do not want to be with this man, i hope its not just what i'm feeling today. i hope its a real emotion that i'm feeling today.

why would he be so willing to help us at this time?
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Old 07-13-2007, 01:01 PM
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Oh teke - try to breathe -

just because you see him for few minutes to get some groceries doesn't mean you are giving up all your boundaries.

Maybe it's not about him - maybe it's your HP working to help you?

I try not to over analyze things anymore - it just makes me crazy - ok - crazier -

Just because you meet him there - doesn't mean he has to shop with you - right?

Can't he just give you the money & leave?
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Old 07-13-2007, 01:07 PM
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He should be giving you money and that's the bottom line! Take it any way you can get it and then walk away. Sure when you get to the car or around the corner or wherever you may break down, and those incidents will happen less & less, I just sure in the hell wouldn't let him see me doing it.
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Old 07-13-2007, 01:09 PM
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Thanks anvil. Me & my HP have worked hard to get it.

Yeah - I see Pee Wee Herman on the bike too - my girls loved that movie - "I know you are but what am I?" was there favorite line from the "PeeWee's Big Adventure"
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Old 07-13-2007, 01:10 PM
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wished that i didn't have to do this but i honestly don't have anything here until i get myself financially straighten again
Sweetie, I think this answers your question as to what to do...

It really just comes down to survival... You and your kids need food, you are unable to work to provide that food, he has some money to give you for the kids....

You don't have to spend the afternoon with him, you don't have to entertain him. I like your suggestion to meet him at the grocery store.

Grab the money from him and go!
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Old 07-13-2007, 01:12 PM
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thanks for responding anvil, you know, i feel like crying cause i honestly don't want to be around him. i haven't told him how i feel though. its like i want to believe that he is having an affair even though he says that he isn't.

he acted like he was kind of upset cause me and the kids didn't come home after i got out the hospital, but i couldn't stand coming home knowing that he was here. i didn't even tell him that i was out for about 3 days, no specific reason other than i just didn't want to tell him cause i didnt' feel like he needed to know.

is it possible that i'm hurting right now cause i just don't want him in my life right now and i'm thinking that i don't see how i could in the near future. he still don't know about me talking to legal aide and i don't plan on saying anything either. i think that for now i'm just fine without him even though i guess i'm sad at times to think about how he left me no room for recociliation.

i just asked the kids if they would go with me, and my daughter turned up her nose to the idea, i mean if i insist, they'll go, but i know that they don't want to go and i just don't blame them one bit. he said a lot of things that a dad shouldn't let their kids hear.

YES, he played a big part in my finances being unorganized, and it hurts me to have to allow him to help me outside of the court ordered childsupport.

Last edited by teke; 07-13-2007 at 01:28 PM.
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Old 07-13-2007, 01:35 PM
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Hey Teke - Remember it's just for a few minutes - It's not forever - You don't have spend the entire evening with him.

Maybe set a time - Like 7:00 pm - And hold on to that thought - By 7:00 pm tonight, I'll be thru seeing him and finished with that for today. Then the rest of the evening is mine to enjoy.

Sometimes that can help put a perspective on it - It takes away the power of the event - It doesn't have control over your entire evening.

Palm -The last I checked no word - Laurie was suppose to give an update when she could.
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Old 07-13-2007, 01:39 PM
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Teke, can I help in any way? Can I get you some groceries? I would love to do that, but from here I am not sure how. As for electronic banking and all that I would have no clue how to get you a few bucks. Let me know, you can pm me if you want to. . .I'm willing to help in any way that I can!
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Old 07-13-2007, 01:41 PM
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Oh My Gaaaawwwwwwwwddddddd!! I haven't felt this yucky since.........heck, I don't remember. Slowly starting to come out of what seemed like a sleep induced coma. Not throwing up anymore thank goodness, but too afraid to eat LOL. Oh wait.......maybe that's why I haven't gotten sick. Either way........I hope everyone else is having a splended Friday the 13th. These are usually my lucky days go figure.

Noah FINALLY went to the doctor after being really sick for about a week now. Don't know the results yet, but I hope everything is ok. I sure hope this isn't some sympathy sickness I got because of him. My plan was never to get this close to another man as long as I lived. Hmmmm.....

I had to bribe my dog with animal crackers so she'd drop the top to the water bottle cuz she would have choked on it. So much for just saying sternly "drop it!" and have her actually listen. Sigh.........I've created an 8 lb monster I'm afraid.
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Old 07-13-2007, 01:44 PM
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thanks cook, now i'm really in tears, i'm in so much pain right now, i just don't want to have anything to do with this man right now, and i honestly don't know how to except help
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Old 07-13-2007, 01:45 PM
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Loves, I had a friend that just recently suffered from heat exhaustion - your symptoms sound very similiar to hers. She was nauseated and very, very weak for a few days - also had a bad headache - borderline migraines - she basically had to just rest, sleep, stay out of the heat and hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.
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Old 07-13-2007, 01:49 PM
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A friend just sent me a funny email - wouldn't you love to have this on your answering machine:

"I am not available right now, but Thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the
Beep. If I do not return your call, You are one of the changes."
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Old 07-13-2007, 01:52 PM
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Loves, gosh I hope you really take care and GET BETTER!!! Can I do anything for you?

Teke, don't cry. Pride is ok to an extent, but when you need help . . . you need help, Lord knows I've swallowed more than my share of pride and accepted help. It's not a bad thing to accept help when you need it! Besides, it's like calling a sponsor or sharing at a meeting, might just be helping someone else?????? It would really help me. . .to help someone.
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Old 07-13-2007, 01:53 PM
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He just got sick last week with what sounded like a bad head cold that went into his chest. He recently stopped smoking too. He hasn't been able to sleep because he couldn't breathe. I've been in Florida now since April......so I don't think I caught it from him.......or at least I hope not LOL.

((Teke)) Hang in there sweetie. I've been where you're at only my ex and I weren't married. It's hard accepting help from him because you don't want to feel obligated to him and they always seem to have an alterior motive. Just don't let it be like that. He should be helping and you shouldn't have to feel obligated in any way to him. The way I see it, he owes you and those kids.
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Old 07-13-2007, 01:53 PM
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Hey - Gwen just posted her outcome. Doesn't sound to good. She could use some prayers & encouragement.
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Old 07-13-2007, 01:55 PM
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I would like to say. . .IMHO whatever HE is going to do is not "help" per se. . .I believe it would be uh. . .HIS what is it called ummmm RESPONSIBILITY?????
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Old 07-13-2007, 02:07 PM
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Originally Posted by cookconfay View Post
I would like to say. . .IMHO whatever HE is going to do is not "help" per se. . .I believe it would be uh. . .HIS what is it called ummmm RESPONSIBILITY?????

I second that!! It's not pride Teke taking what is owed to you. Believe me. After my exabf moved out of state, he offered to send me some money. See he had left me with everything past due, no food in the house.........you name it. I was about to have a panic attack from hell.

After giving it some thought........I let him. He sent me $200 which was no where near what he had taken from me, but it put some food in my frig. and paid part of the light bill. I think I even told him thank you for some reason. I guess because he really could have been a complete scum bag and not send anything.

I'm much like you. I'm very prideful. My sister had offered to send me some money of which I refused. I just couldn't do it. In my mind it was letting him off the hook. But pride isn't always the best thing to have depending on the situation you're in. No.......I never did let her help, but I managed. I made it and for that I was proud.

Try to keep it like a business transaction between you and your AH. If that's possible I mean. It's a mind set and takes practice, but you may at least get what you need from him...........I know you don't want anything, but sometimes......need is a little different IMO.
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