Plateaus and Recovery work
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Join Date: Nov 2003
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Plateaus and Recovery work
Well, here I am progressing nicely but I still find I think about X ABF a lot more than I think is healthy. Maybe it is living in the house we shared and maybe it is me and maybe it is just not enough to occupy my brain......
So, I am at this recovery plateau and have been here awhile.. and I have decided to get off the plateau (and recovery is all about choosing a choice and deciding to move on it).
I find that when I think of Steve these days I feel anger and disgust (some of this is directed at myself). I know the anger is justified but I no longer revel in it. I want to stop even thinking of him OR caring about what he is up to or any of it. I want him out of my head.
So, how do you stop thinking of something? You replace it with something else that is brain involved. At least that would seem to be the answer.
I am busy. I go to dog training one night a week, go to another meeting with my sister one night a week.. and I walk about 3 miles (sometimes more) every day. I work M-F. I go to Church on Sundays.
I take care of the house myself.. mow over an acre of grass with a push mower (not self propelled), deal with the garden, work with training the dog twice a day, clean, do laundry and all the rest.
However, all this is leaving me too much brain time to think of XABF.
So, here is the plan. I have many college text books. I am going to take out the Calculus book and the Physics texts and start studying. I may have to go back to some trig and get identities and that stuff again.. and brush up on algebra, but I know I can do calculus and I have 4 credits in it.
And the physics.. never did really well in academic physics, but I am going to get back at it. There are all kinds of resources on the net to help me learn and I know some engineers who can help me too.
I figure if every time I think of Steve I pick up that physics book, I will quickly stop that bad habit (thinking of Steve, not the physics!!!)! Sort of like brain punishment.. and certainly more useful than snapping my wrist raw with a rubber band.
The point of sharing this, and the really important point, is that I am simply bored to death with my current thought patterns. I just don't like them at all and I want them to go away. It is time for a real change.
Of course, if some hunka hunka man (with money and no addictions and abuse issues) comes along, I might not need Physics......
So, I am at this recovery plateau and have been here awhile.. and I have decided to get off the plateau (and recovery is all about choosing a choice and deciding to move on it).
I find that when I think of Steve these days I feel anger and disgust (some of this is directed at myself). I know the anger is justified but I no longer revel in it. I want to stop even thinking of him OR caring about what he is up to or any of it. I want him out of my head.
So, how do you stop thinking of something? You replace it with something else that is brain involved. At least that would seem to be the answer.
I am busy. I go to dog training one night a week, go to another meeting with my sister one night a week.. and I walk about 3 miles (sometimes more) every day. I work M-F. I go to Church on Sundays.
I take care of the house myself.. mow over an acre of grass with a push mower (not self propelled), deal with the garden, work with training the dog twice a day, clean, do laundry and all the rest.
However, all this is leaving me too much brain time to think of XABF.
So, here is the plan. I have many college text books. I am going to take out the Calculus book and the Physics texts and start studying. I may have to go back to some trig and get identities and that stuff again.. and brush up on algebra, but I know I can do calculus and I have 4 credits in it.
And the physics.. never did really well in academic physics, but I am going to get back at it. There are all kinds of resources on the net to help me learn and I know some engineers who can help me too.
I figure if every time I think of Steve I pick up that physics book, I will quickly stop that bad habit (thinking of Steve, not the physics!!!)! Sort of like brain punishment.. and certainly more useful than snapping my wrist raw with a rubber band.
The point of sharing this, and the really important point, is that I am simply bored to death with my current thought patterns. I just don't like them at all and I want them to go away. It is time for a real change.
Of course, if some hunka hunka man (with money and no addictions and abuse issues) comes along, I might not need Physics......
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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Wishing you a hunk-a-hunk-a-man rather than that Physics stuff.
Being a humanities driven person, I really have no interest in the science/math stuff so while I see your angle, it sounds like punishment to me lol
With all you have going on, it seems there's little contact with people (unless I'm missing it in the activities) Do you have regular interaction with people (other than us of courses
)? Sometimes when I least want to be around people, I find after that all that stuff in my head leaves for a spell, when I'm forced to actively interact.
Just a thought
PS...I push mow too, so I bought a self propelled...they're over-rated
Being a humanities driven person, I really have no interest in the science/math stuff so while I see your angle, it sounds like punishment to me lol
With all you have going on, it seems there's little contact with people (unless I'm missing it in the activities) Do you have regular interaction with people (other than us of courses
)? Sometimes when I least want to be around people, I find after that all that stuff in my head leaves for a spell, when I'm forced to actively interact.Just a thought
PS...I push mow too, so I bought a self propelled...they're over-rated
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Join Date: Mar 2006
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Whats self propelled, when talking of a mower? I get muscle spasms everytime I mow, which I did last night after work and before making pancakes.
I wish you that great man too. Im trying to bring up ohysical endurance so when my mind thinks of AH and not evil in nature I start jogging in place or some other excercise. The jerk always promised to be my personal trainer, little does he know he finally is
I wish you that great man too. Im trying to bring up ohysical endurance so when my mind thinks of AH and not evil in nature I start jogging in place or some other excercise. The jerk always promised to be my personal trainer, little does he know he finally is
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
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Elana,
Your left brain hemisphere will set you free
Have you thought about strapping an iPod on your head while you walk and listening to some books on tape? They can even be nonfiction, something you want to learn, even the Tao of Physics is on disc now I think. I found that walking & running used to be my prime "complexing" times.....
Your strategy was mine for a while and it helped a lot! I started branching out into other new things I was interested in studying and eventually I realized that it had been days since I last thought ANY kind of thought (angry or not) about my X.
In fact, my mind would brush him aside as irrelevant, like a boring sitcom or a topic it wasn't interested in wasting time on.
That was a great victory! It just takes time and tenderness. And a hunka man that isn't a total jerk isn't a bad diversion either. Maybe one who's good at physics.
Love,
giveLove
Your left brain hemisphere will set you free
Have you thought about strapping an iPod on your head while you walk and listening to some books on tape? They can even be nonfiction, something you want to learn, even the Tao of Physics is on disc now I think. I found that walking & running used to be my prime "complexing" times.....
Your strategy was mine for a while and it helped a lot! I started branching out into other new things I was interested in studying and eventually I realized that it had been days since I last thought ANY kind of thought (angry or not) about my X.
In fact, my mind would brush him aside as irrelevant, like a boring sitcom or a topic it wasn't interested in wasting time on.
That was a great victory! It just takes time and tenderness. And a hunka man that isn't a total jerk isn't a bad diversion either. Maybe one who's good at physics.
Love,
giveLove
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Considering the cost of a man I think I will stick to the physics... LOL
A self propelled mower is about $200 more than the high wheel push mower I have and it won't move along fast enough for me.. plus the propelling steels power from the engine for cutting.
I have been losing weight (going to WW's meetings with with my sister..) and with all the walking I have improved my stamina. I have had knee surgery twice so I have to watch it.. tho I am thinking of a little jogging in my walking routine. I need to get the dog used to my bike so I can take that out too.
I have thought too that perhaps I shouod get out with ppl more.. but I am with ppl at work all day and at meetings, church etc.
I do truly enjoy my solitude. People interfere too with my schedule and doing what I want to when I want to.. tho I do invite them along sometimes I usually prefer my dog's company to that of people... LOL
A self propelled mower is about $200 more than the high wheel push mower I have and it won't move along fast enough for me.. plus the propelling steels power from the engine for cutting.
I have been losing weight (going to WW's meetings with with my sister..) and with all the walking I have improved my stamina. I have had knee surgery twice so I have to watch it.. tho I am thinking of a little jogging in my walking routine. I need to get the dog used to my bike so I can take that out too.
I have thought too that perhaps I shouod get out with ppl more.. but I am with ppl at work all day and at meetings, church etc.
I do truly enjoy my solitude. People interfere too with my schedule and doing what I want to when I want to.. tho I do invite them along sometimes I usually prefer my dog's company to that of people... LOL
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Join Date: Dec 2006
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As long as it's safe.
I can't do that as often up here where I am nowadays, because of the threat of the three 'mountains' bearing down on me from behind, and me not being able to hear them:
-mountain lions
-mountain bikers
-mountain morons, who think they own the trails
...But on safe paths, it's just a wonderful dream world of self-absorbed learning. No bad stuff can penetrate it. Luscious.
GL
I can't do that as often up here where I am nowadays, because of the threat of the three 'mountains' bearing down on me from behind, and me not being able to hear them:
-mountain lions
-mountain bikers
-mountain morons, who think they own the trails
...But on safe paths, it's just a wonderful dream world of self-absorbed learning. No bad stuff can penetrate it. Luscious.
GL
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Elana, there is a man that I still think of to this day, and it's been almost 15 years later. We were a couple for 6 years. We must have broken up 100 times.
I was crazy in love with him. It didnt' work out and I moved away to another state. Well, I still think of him.
The strange thing is it's like he's nothing but a fantasy in my mind because I know that if I were with him I would be miserable.
I dont' hurt or anything like that for him.
I am over him really, but I still think of him. Most of the time I dont' think of anything specific either. I just see his face in my mind.
But, I would NEVER go back to him not ever. Nothing he could do would make me want to either!
So, maybe Im a litte neurotic.
I was crazy in love with him. It didnt' work out and I moved away to another state. Well, I still think of him.
The strange thing is it's like he's nothing but a fantasy in my mind because I know that if I were with him I would be miserable.
I dont' hurt or anything like that for him.
I am over him really, but I still think of him. Most of the time I dont' think of anything specific either. I just see his face in my mind.
But, I would NEVER go back to him not ever. Nothing he could do would make me want to either!
So, maybe Im a litte neurotic.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: here and now
Posts: 1,291
Originally Posted by Elana 
Sort of like brain punishment.. and certainly more useful than snapping my wrist raw with a rubber band.
D
Why punish your brain more? Isn't thinking about that creep punishment enough?
I don't mean that studying is bad, going to school and having to focus on that sure helped me get my mind off other 'things', but maybe fill your head with something fun instead?
Think out of the box. Do something wild and crazy!!!
Maybe go out and do some things that you have never done before. Something completely different. That might help snap your thinking out of the rut it is in.
Something you normally would never do-preferably something that involves other people, people you haven't been around before. I have always had hermit tendencies. i have many times prefered the company of animals. Sometimes I have to force myself to go out and be social, but i never regret it.
Sometimes meeting new people can open up the mind and help bring one out of a funk.
Maybe just go out with someone new. Sometimes just having a short meaningless fling can do wonders!! It can bring you out of a funk. i think that is what i am gonna do in about two more months!!!
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Elana,
I learned how to play racquetball, too. There was something intensely satisfying and cathartic about hunting, chasing, and whacking the living cr@p out of a little blue ball. And unlike tennis, it can't go anywhere. Wham! wham! wham! Loved that. Plus it burns like 500 calories an hour. Wheee!
GL
I learned how to play racquetball, too. There was something intensely satisfying and cathartic about hunting, chasing, and whacking the living cr@p out of a little blue ball. And unlike tennis, it can't go anywhere. Wham! wham! wham! Loved that. Plus it burns like 500 calories an hour. Wheee!
GL
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Some great ideas here. One thing that may start to happen is dog competition. I never had a dog that I competed with at all for anything... and last night at Dog Skool my instructor asked me about competing. Seems Atka (puppy genius) is doing so well she might be fun to do this with.
Of course this could take any number of directions.. obedience, rally obedience, agility, tracking, herding.. Shepherds are versatile.
The other thing I MAY do next year is see if I can find a smaller house with more land and a barn.... It may be a pipe dream but a few farm animals and/or dog boarding would move me forward.
Teaching myself more Calculus and Physics IS really good to do.. then I go and take a college course and see if I can do it.. and that is fun for me. Not everyone likes that.
I know that doing stuff with people is something I probably ought to do more of, but I have to say it is not what I really want. A little time wiht people is usually enough time with people for me. LOL
Not that people are bad or that I don't enjoy the company of others because I do. I just find that whenever you do things with other people you are always compromising the direction of what you do or what you want to do.
For instance, if I want to sit next to the train tracks and try to get the perfect photo of a train, there is a LOT of time spent waiting. Most other people just hate this. I am fine with it.. soooooo... if I want to do the train shot and someone else is along, and I see they are getting restless, I start to feel pressured to get the shot and leave. Better to just ake the dog and go by myself. Many things I do are like that.. not a lot of people want to do them or they are not "team" sports!
I do agree Dolly.. just keep on feeding the old brain positive thoughts. I sure do that.
And.. I want to teach Oliver and Atka a few interactive tricks... so that will take a LOT of concentration and time!
Of course this could take any number of directions.. obedience, rally obedience, agility, tracking, herding.. Shepherds are versatile.
The other thing I MAY do next year is see if I can find a smaller house with more land and a barn.... It may be a pipe dream but a few farm animals and/or dog boarding would move me forward.
Teaching myself more Calculus and Physics IS really good to do.. then I go and take a college course and see if I can do it.. and that is fun for me. Not everyone likes that.
I know that doing stuff with people is something I probably ought to do more of, but I have to say it is not what I really want. A little time wiht people is usually enough time with people for me. LOL
Not that people are bad or that I don't enjoy the company of others because I do. I just find that whenever you do things with other people you are always compromising the direction of what you do or what you want to do.
For instance, if I want to sit next to the train tracks and try to get the perfect photo of a train, there is a LOT of time spent waiting. Most other people just hate this. I am fine with it.. soooooo... if I want to do the train shot and someone else is along, and I see they are getting restless, I start to feel pressured to get the shot and leave. Better to just ake the dog and go by myself. Many things I do are like that.. not a lot of people want to do them or they are not "team" sports!
I do agree Dolly.. just keep on feeding the old brain positive thoughts. I sure do that.
And.. I want to teach Oliver and Atka a few interactive tricks... so that will take a LOT of concentration and time!
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