update
 

i went back for 2 follow up visits and the doctors both say that i'm doing fine, gotta go for treatment for an ulcer now, didn't know that i had one but apparently, that was the beginning of my illness.

i kind of came home today, ah was not around, i think that he is either moved out or on a binge. dont know for sure, mil called me to tell me that he showed up at her house but she said that i could not speak to him, she said that she didn't think that it was time for me to do that, that she didn't think that he was ready and she said that she would not give him my message. i just don't know how to deal with her, could you guys pray for my mil, and for me too, cause i just don't like that lady's attitude and i'm wishing that i just didn't have to deal with her at all, and no matter how i try to stay my distance, she'll invite herself into my space when she gets ready and i feel as if when it comes to her, she is just a very controlling person, and if people don't do what she expects then she is totally hateful. i guess i need some help in that areal. i want so badly to tell her to just please leave me alone,

i know that i'm sounding kind of mean right now, but i'm tired of turning the other cheek when it comes to her, i feel like she thinks that i'm some kind of door mat.

well i don't think that i'm well enough to get too upset, but this lady gets on my last nerve and i don't know how to handle her, can yall give me so advice

one days she loves me and the next day she hates me and i'm talking literally and i just don't know how to react to her, i don't go to her or call her, i try to leave her alone but she seems to forget from time to time the things she say to me. she don't want me to call her house and i dont, she has told me beforre that she didn't want me at her house and i haven't been there since, but yet she thinks that its ok for her to come to my house or call my house when she gets ready and i just don't like it. sorry for the vent

have you aked her not to call you or not to come to your house?
if that is what you want then shouldnt it be ok for you to state your boundaries to her as she has to you?

Lock the door, and don't answer when she shows up unannounced. Stay in your bedroom (with a pillow over your head, if necessary... smile).

With folks like her, "hints" won't work. Be direct, and be a broken record.

PS - no answering the phone!! Let the machine get it - and screen the calls. You don't owe her, or anyone, anything. Get yourself well, Teke. Remember the airline analogy? You put YOUR oxygen mask on first, THEN you help others. Breathe, baby.

((Teke))

thanks lies and big sis, you are so right, but anything i do or say that does not agree with her program, she in the past has caused some of the biggest arguements between ah and i. she goes back and tell him that i disrespect her, her word becomes law and it does not matter what she says to me or how she treats me, i'm suppose to bow down to her i guess, and the problem comes because i'm not that kind of person.

i guess i'm gonna have to just come right out and tell her something, but what i just don't know or i don't know how to talk to her without offending her and having her twist everything around to make me the enemy, she is a "devoted christiam" so she can't be wrong, you know the kind i'm sure.

I agree, Teke, that you get to make boundaries that are healthy for you regardless of how other people react to them.

She is probably going through her own pain and struggles with all this, and the way she handles it may be what is right for her or part of her journey but you don't have to participate in her chaos.

When a relationship becomes toxic, then it's time for us to step back and just take care of us.

You have your own healing to do right now, stay focused on that and let the rest of the world just spin in their own orbit.

Hugs

((((((teke))))) do not answer your mil's calls or go to the door when she comes.you do not have to. tell her not to come or call.you do not need any thing upsetting you while you are healing.you are the most important person.take care of yourself.we miss you around here.thanks for the update, i have been thinking of you. still praying for you,hope

I have no advice just sendng hugs.

She sounds like my MIL

Teke, I presume you want to talk to him about that unpaid bill, right?

Why not write, make a copy for your files and mail it so he has to sign for it.?

And agreed with above get caller id and do not answer her calls.

Keep the door locked and get invisible when she shows up. It's bad manners to drop in on people anyway, without an invite or a call asking if it would be okay.

Teke,
I was lucky I had a wonderful mother in law. Yours sounds more like my mom. Please get caller id and don't answer the phone. If she shows up just tell her the doctor told you you need rest and can not get upset. So it is better that if she came another time when you are feeling better, and ask her to call first and don't answer her call.
I am glad you are doing better, you have been on my mind and in my prayers.
I'll keep praying for you, and I hope things work out for you with your MIL from HE**

Hey Teke! Glad you are getting better physically. Keep the people who make you ill out of your world for now (like every one else says).

You know how to do this. Your MIL and your AH can take care of themselves for now. You take care of Teke. ;)

Love ya girl. At church sunday they asked for names to add to the prayer list. I am going to ask Father to add yours.

((((Teke)))
You are a kind and generous person. And you are in need of care, so give yourself the same care and concern that you would give others.

If she does "get in" so to speak, maybe you could turn the tables and tell her that SHE was right, conversations are just not good right now for anyone, and you need your rest.

That is, of course, IF she reaches you. You really owe her nothing right now.

Hang in there and take care of yourself

((((Hugs))))
Cece

thank you elana, i really do appreciate all the prayer that i can get.

live, thanks, it was not about the unpaid bill, i knew that he was not gonna pay the bill the minute they called me on it sat. i went ahead and paid it myself. i was thinking that he was on a binge and i was still at my daughters thinking about coming home and i wanted to kind of have a heads up on what his plans were, since i know that he had been living there while i was away. i kind of wanted to let him know that i was coming home and that i didn't feel that it was healthy for me to have to deal with his issues along with mine. he had already stated that he was moving out, but i thought since we were on cordial terms, that it would not hurt for me to talk to him, i guess to kind of get a feel of how he was thinking. i kind of thought that it would be a little easier on everyone if he did not come here first and then we talk, especially since she called me.

thank you all for being here for me. i may have to just stand up for myself and if she acts like done something wrong maybe i just don't have to feed into that, i do have a right to set boundaries. keep me in your prayers please

it's so nice to hear from you, teke. speedy recovery, k

thanks parent,

oh btw. i haven't had a cig in about 23 days and the cravings seems to be coming harder now that i'm home. this house reminds me i guess, to want one. i'm still trying though so pray for me about that too, please

Take care of yourself, teke. You are a very special lady; I have missed you around here!

I agree with the others, set some boundaries with your MIL. You have every right to do that. You need your rest and she needs to leave you alone.

Congrats on the smoking thing! Take care of yourself!

(((((HUGS)))) and prayers!

Quitting smoking and this MIL, too? Oh, Teke, it's amazing you haven't thrown the phone against the wall when she calls...
Boundaries are our friends....let her rant about your refusal to come out and play... besides, the venting will help lower her blood pressure, so you will actually be doing her a favor :)!!!....prayers&hugs~ nitelite

All good advice...I'm just adding some gentle hugs....you are always in my prayers.

Congrats on quitting smoking!! They say the real craving lasts less than a minute...can you pray hard during each of those minutes to get through the craving? You are doing so welll...I know how tough it is to quit!

Since I have gotten older, I am not the least bit shy of telling someone to back off. I have learned that if I allow people to walk on me they will!

I like BigSis answer. Don't answer the door. Even tell her face to face she's not welcome if you must. She's controlling because people allow her to be.

Has anyone ever put her in her place? When it comes to our own recovery, we do what we must to keep our sanity.
Take care teke. I hope you feel better soon.
Hugs

(((((((Teke))))))))

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j2...lingBetter.gif
Notice the bunny slippers? Here's the secret....steel toed.http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j2...times/c005.gif
When push comes to shove...take care of you.
We love and miss ya, sweetie pie.
Linda