Kick them to the CURB
 

For all of you in relationships with addicts.. pining away in hope they will get better... my suggestion to you is this. GET OUT NOW. Toss their stuff on the porch or at the curb and put them the same place. Do it now with out sorrow and without remorse. Dust off your hands and walk inside.

I knew my XABF for 6 years. I did a lot for him.

I set him up in the business of his dreams.
He promised to pay me back.

I bought him the camera equipment of his dreams, most of it gifts.
Hd said he did not know how to repay me.

I paid for us to go on very nice trips across the US.
He said he was so grateful and asked how to repay my kindness.

I bought a house for us to live in.
He told me he never had such opportunity.

I bought him a truck (used).. the one he wanted..
He said he was such a lucky guy to have a girl like me.

Well, here is the rest of the story:
business expenses for HIS business: $10,000
Camera Equipment: $7,000
Trips: $20,000
House: $178,000 plus $20k in fixups.
Truck: $4,500 buying it, $4,500 in repairs.

How did he repay me? He lied to me, he cheated on me, used drugs behind my back, grew pot in my house without my knowledge, and then got bored and left to be with the "new" Girl Friend.

IF I had KNOWN he was lying, cheating and doing drugs (any one of those three), I WOULD HAVE KICKED HIM TO THE CURB!

Today The truck is mine and the damage he did to it driving it roughly still comes around to cost me money.. this time $500 with another $500 in the future.

Today the house is mine and so is the maintenance, mortgatge and bills.

Every time I start to get ahead it seems some misery expense that was associated with his being in my life continues to rear its ugly head. When that happens I get out my own steel toed bunny slippers and kcik myself in the @$$ because I put myself here because I "loved" an addict and tried to "save" him.

The only person we can save is ourselves.

I admire your strength Elana...have since the moment you appeared here. But it sounds like it may have taken six years to learn what you now know.

We all progress at our own speed, understanding what we can at a given time. I look at progress as a very good thing, even if it appears as baby steps to another.

The important part is that we take those first steps toward change, and that we learn and that we grow.

I don't think I'd be half as smart as I am now had I not been stupid in the past :)

(((Hugs)))
Cece

I feel like a fool and beat myself up for what I've put up with thus far. Everytime you put up with something, you sacrafice a little bit more of yourself.

Above all else, Elana- at least you KNOW you are a good girlfriend!!

Cece, I agree.. Took me a lot longer if you count the 20 years of marriage to an alcoholic. I see people here.. every where.. truly beautiful and smart.. who continue to hang onto a dream and waste their precious time and lives and the lives of their children on a non existance fairy tale life that will never happen because of drugs.

I wasted the best years of my emotional life and physical life on these losers. This is not to say my life was wasted, it was not. It could have been a LOT better.

The trick in kickin 'em to the curb is to NEVER look back... NEVER ask them back and NEVER take them back. Wish them well and get on with your own life.

If they find recovery years down the road, good for them. Hope they all do in fact. Just going to do it without me.

So Elana ... I'm usually straight but I gotta ask ... wanna date? I don't drink and I even have a job! lol :)

oh wait ... Im actually unemployed. rats ...

WO.. GEEZE LOUEEEZE......
No No No.. I am straight... Always have been...

Yikes!!!!!

well then do you have a brother?

j/k

Ok, now THATS FUNNY!!

:ROFLMAO:

good grief..

LOL!! That exchange was really pretty funny!!

oh...you guys are killing me today!!

My sister is gay. She's also the happiest (in her personal life) out of all ten of us siblings. Sometimes I think she's really on to something...do they have a camp that will turn straight women gay? (I've read about the ones that are supposed to work in the opposite direction!) Just kidding...(I think?) :)

Elana,

Would you mind dating my husband for a few years? Not forever, just long enough for him to get, you know, financially stable? He's very good with cows, oxen, goats, etc., and he makes a very nice paella.

:D

No, just kidding. I am so sorry you had to go through all of this and so glad you had to go through all of this, because you will never, ever, ever have to do this again. Expensive lesson, but you certainly got an "A" on it.

XOXOX
GiveLove

You guys are really the best...

If you want someone to make lemonaid out of lemons just find a bunch of expereienced codies to help you along.

I know that the lesson was the reason.. and I did love my farm so much. I am thinking all this will help me do something really important with my life that satisfies ME... we shall see!

I hear ya sister!!

OK...sorry to hijack this thread...but I gotta say....I have girlfriends that have been aruond a lot longer than either of my 2 exhusbands. And actually like being around them and them with me...lol.

OOAL...maybe your sister has something there...lol

Well, I have my 4 cats. Had them when I dairy farmed. Had them when my husband got sick (spinal abscess) had them when he got better and returned to binge drinking, had them when I moved out, had them when I got divorced, had them when I bought a house 4 years later, had them when I sold it and moved into the crack house (they still get all growly when anyone comes to the door!) had them when Steve moved in, had them when Steve moved out and you know I STILL HAVE THEM.

They tolerated Walter and they never warmed to Steve. From now on they are my opinion on people who come to my house. If they warm to them, then the person has an outside chance.. if they don't, the person doesn't.

Men may come and go but kids and pets/ animals are forever.
I'm a grandma now, haved a terrific second husband ( 21 years married) and so glad I embraced recovery when son was 17...he will be 37 this year.
I have happy, deep bonds with my pets and all the amazing wild animals I work with.
In fact working in wildlife rehab keeps me soooooooo constantly amazed and fulfilled.

We have a great horned owl and as I look into his eyes I see a whole universe.
They are amazing!!!!!
The feds busted him because he was hunting an endangered species LOL
So he's "doing time" with us for a bit and we will relocate him. The feds consider him a "bad boy". Now that's the kind of bad boy I want to be around.

I say kick them (As) to the curb too and enjoy your lives. Life is not a dress rehearsal.

Busted

I love your Bad Boy Frankie! My kind of guy!

We have a Raptor center near where I live.

Too bad he isn't a little bigger.. maybe you could teach him to pick uop A's on command and drop them all in one place.. with a fence.... You know the kinda fenced place.. Alcatraz, Attica...

I remember the first time I kicked my exabf to the curb. He bounced off an landed right back in my house!! :irked:

The secret is to gorilla glue the bottom of their pants. That way when you kick them to the curb the next time, they'll stick. Nothing gets away from gorilla glue.