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drainedwife-your pm box is full again so.....

Old 07-06-2007, 07:29 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
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Wink drainedwife-your pm box is full again so.....

Hi,
I'm so glad to hear from you! I filed several Orders of Protection against my ex over the years. It is little different than an RO-with the OP they can be jailed immediately for violating it. They were all a result of some DV incident. He was actually put in jail 2 or 3 times (just until someone bailed him out-usually his dad and usually in less than 24 hours) because in Tennessee, if someone calls the police during a DV incident and the police see evidence of it when they come out, they have to make an arrest. There is a court date scheduled, but in every case by the time we went to court I had 'forgiven' everything and we were back together. So I dropped the charges.

I filed for divorce three times before now and every time I fell for whatever tactic he used-he went from being incredibly 'sorry' to threatening to kill himself to blaming it all on me and then back again. He sent me flowers and bought me cards. He romanced me. He started doing all the things I had wished he would do. I guess you could just say he wore me down.

EVERY time I ended up worse off than before; he knew he could control me one way or the other....and before long we were right back to square one and I was kicking myself for being so stupid!

That's why I refused to have any contact with him this time. It was real hard at first, but it got easier every day. I did talk to him on the phone a few times, and every time I would come away really shaken and questioning myself. But he pulled enough stunts-like telling people lies and lying to his lawyer-that I was able to re-balance and keep going.

I think I am really past falling for anything now because I have finally accepted reality; it is still hard, though, especially when my little one says he misses his dad. He said it last night, and we talked about how we need to remember how things really were instead of how we wished they were. He's only 10, but he gets it. His dad was never around and when he was around he laid on the couch and watched tv until he passed out (which was, of course, 'my fault' for not making him happy.....). LIttle bit and I pray every day for his dad to get better, but we are moving on with our lives. There just isn't any other way. If there were I would have found it.

Hang in there; maybe your ah will seek recovery or maybe he won't. But you and your kids will be fine either way!

(((HUGS)))
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