Is this to harsh???
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Join Date: Jun 2007
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Is this to harsh???
I have received yet another letter from ex-ah now that he is in jail he "loves" me once again and is wanting "help" again this letter is telling me that I injured his ego and that he is glad that it has taken all this time to get him to where he is with God. Talks about that he thinks that he is coming here after he is done with jail probation or whatever. Then he tells me to watch a movie to understand him and that he finally wants to be a father also that if he gets out on July 13 that he will wait for me to take him home with me. He explains why I was wrong to ask him to read a book that would help when we had been married. This is my letter back to him:
Dear ex-ah
I have been struggling with how to answer your last 2 letters, but after I got this last one I figured that I had better write to tell you where I stand with things.I don't want to be harsh with you while you are in jail and this is why I have struggled so much with writing this letter. While I am happy that you have finally come to a place that you want to get your life together. I have to tell you that I will not even consider a relationship with you until you have meet my boundaries and they are that you must complete a program 6 months or longer, lived on your own, provided for yourself for at least 6 months, been clean and can provide me proof of this. You said something about me not trusting God well all that I have to say to that is worry about yourself as your messes are greater then mine. I am not going to watch a movie to understand you! You need to explain yourself. I am not going to say that I am sorry that I asked you to read a little hundred page book, I did nothing wrong! I told you 3 years ago that if I didn't have another baby within the next 2 years than I was done and well time is up my kids are big enough now that I don't have to worry about bottles & diapers, I don't want to do that again. I have health problem and am in no condition to have more babies.
I can see from your letters that you haven't really changed, call me when you do. I will not answer another letter from you although I will read just one more, so choose your words carefully any letter I get after that first one will be sent back return to sender.
Me
Dear ex-ah
I have been struggling with how to answer your last 2 letters, but after I got this last one I figured that I had better write to tell you where I stand with things.I don't want to be harsh with you while you are in jail and this is why I have struggled so much with writing this letter. While I am happy that you have finally come to a place that you want to get your life together. I have to tell you that I will not even consider a relationship with you until you have meet my boundaries and they are that you must complete a program 6 months or longer, lived on your own, provided for yourself for at least 6 months, been clean and can provide me proof of this. You said something about me not trusting God well all that I have to say to that is worry about yourself as your messes are greater then mine. I am not going to watch a movie to understand you! You need to explain yourself. I am not going to say that I am sorry that I asked you to read a little hundred page book, I did nothing wrong! I told you 3 years ago that if I didn't have another baby within the next 2 years than I was done and well time is up my kids are big enough now that I don't have to worry about bottles & diapers, I don't want to do that again. I have health problem and am in no condition to have more babies.
I can see from your letters that you haven't really changed, call me when you do. I will not answer another letter from you although I will read just one more, so choose your words carefully any letter I get after that first one will be sent back return to sender.
Me
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Join Date: Jun 2007
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Originally Posted by tropikgal2 
Sounds right on the money to me. I guess your letter implies that if he meets your criteria you are going to welcome him back into your life?
Well I did say that I would consider it and I would if he meets my boundaries.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Yea divorce implies that you have moved on without him are you sure you would even want to rebuild a relationship with him?
I think he is sending out feelers to see if he stands a chance with you. I think no reply would be good. See how he stands with no reply.
I heard so much jail talk I know I would not believe a word out of his mouth while in jail...
I think he is sending out feelers to see if he stands a chance with you. I think no reply would be good. See how he stands with no reply.
I heard so much jail talk I know I would not believe a word out of his mouth while in jail...
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: here and now
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i think you did a good job on the letter.
Many guys will write letters from jail saying they have had this big change of heart, and they have changed, etc., but then when they get out it is a different story!
Stick to your boundaries!
Many guys will write letters from jail saying they have had this big change of heart, and they have changed, etc., but then when they get out it is a different story!
Stick to your boundaries!
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
His letter sounds exactly like every single letter I ever got from an ex.
While they're in jail, they'll do anything for you!! Isn't that crazy?
They're helpless in jail and looking for someone to be there for them.
I let go of them all. They went to jail, they can suffer all the consequences that come with that too.
I think you are very strong and holding to your boundaries. Keep it up and youll never regret it either.
Take care
While they're in jail, they'll do anything for you!! Isn't that crazy?
They're helpless in jail and looking for someone to be there for them.
I let go of them all. They went to jail, they can suffer all the consequences that come with that too.
I think you are very strong and holding to your boundaries. Keep it up and youll never regret it either.
Take care
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Thanks for all of the replies. I divorced him so I could separate our assets as he was selling all his for crack...not because I don't love him. What I really want is for both of us to have peace and happiness in our lives together or apart. One thing that I have learned through all of this is no matter how much you love someone, sometimes, loving them just isn't enough for either of you.
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I revised the letter because I didn't want to get in to anything with him so this is the one that I mailed:
Dear ex-ah,
I had to write after getting your last letter. While I am happy that you have finally come to a place that you want to get your life together. I have to tell you that I will not even consider a relationship with you until you have meet my boundaries and they are that you have to complete a program 6 months or longer, lived on your own and provided for yourself for at least 6 months, been clean the whole time and can provide me with proof of this. There is no point in getting in to the rest of the issues, they are irrelevant now. I can see from your letters that you have not changed. This will be my last letter to you until you have completed a 6 month program. I will however read just one more letter from you, if I continue to receive letters after that I will send them back return to sender, I don't expect to hear from you again until you have clean time, if ever.
Me
Dear ex-ah,
I had to write after getting your last letter. While I am happy that you have finally come to a place that you want to get your life together. I have to tell you that I will not even consider a relationship with you until you have meet my boundaries and they are that you have to complete a program 6 months or longer, lived on your own and provided for yourself for at least 6 months, been clean the whole time and can provide me with proof of this. There is no point in getting in to the rest of the issues, they are irrelevant now. I can see from your letters that you have not changed. This will be my last letter to you until you have completed a 6 month program. I will however read just one more letter from you, if I continue to receive letters after that I will send them back return to sender, I don't expect to hear from you again until you have clean time, if ever.
Me
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: in the south
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Lucy,
That is a good letter but I'd also want you to think of what he could possibly have to offer you in the future.Living with a constant fear of relapse? Strife for you and your children? Wondering if you could ever trust him? I believe God has a plan for each of us and I think as you continue to work on yourself as you are doing now I think you will grow stronger and stronger and that God will reveal His plan for you. We only need to trust the Lord. Your ex needs to just work on himself and then get in touch with you rather than worrying you. Just my opinion. dixied
That is a good letter but I'd also want you to think of what he could possibly have to offer you in the future.Living with a constant fear of relapse? Strife for you and your children? Wondering if you could ever trust him? I believe God has a plan for each of us and I think as you continue to work on yourself as you are doing now I think you will grow stronger and stronger and that God will reveal His plan for you. We only need to trust the Lord. Your ex needs to just work on himself and then get in touch with you rather than worrying you. Just my opinion. dixied
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dixed
I understand what you are saying and I have taken these things into consideration but at this point I am not ready to think of him as forever gone. I have been praying about this for a very long time on I believe that the Lord is working on me I don't know what his plan is for me but I do know that I want a real relationship with a man that goes to work, respects me, someone that will work with me like a team & see me as the very special child of God that I am, not one that barks orders at me....and then quote his interpretation of the bible to get me to yield to him.
I understand what you are saying and I have taken these things into consideration but at this point I am not ready to think of him as forever gone. I have been praying about this for a very long time on I believe that the Lord is working on me I don't know what his plan is for me but I do know that I want a real relationship with a man that goes to work, respects me, someone that will work with me like a team & see me as the very special child of God that I am, not one that barks orders at me....and then quote his interpretation of the bible to get me to yield to him.
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