im worried about our finances

Old 07-03-2007, 12:44 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
atalose's Avatar
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I strongly suggest you get your own bank account and stop depending on the joint account to pay bills. You and your kids are eating hotdogs while he has 3 grand in his pocket. He cannot be trusted he's proven that open up an account of your own and talk that over with your attorney, don't let him bully this situation to his advantage. His charm towards you is his manipulation don't fall for it he is using that to his own advantage for what ever reasons. Cut all the ties that bond you and him now financialy.
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Old 07-03-2007, 12:47 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I think in Texas you can freeze the assetts. Maybe he knows this and is pulling money out for himself or drugs. If you freeze his account it will cause problems but he cant **** everything away either.
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Old 07-03-2007, 01:14 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Take what u can out of the acct thats what hes doing. As far as cutting back on things u will have to give up some of the luxuries u have become accostumed to. Thats all there is to it. I would rather mow my own lawn than pay someone else when I am perfectly capable. Thats money just being thrown away IMHO. I guess I would mow my own lawn and have a steak now and then vs pay someone and eat hot dogs. Cable? Not a nessesity. (sp). When I lived on my own I didnt have cable. My friends would tape my fav shows and I would watch them on tape. Much better cause u can fast forward through the commercials. I guess what I am saying is that when it comes down to it u will have to make ends meet and if it means mowing your own lawn well then. I love mowing the lawn its theraputic I put on some headphones and go to it. It relaxes me.

I lived alright making 9/hr had my own place, car payment, no cable or bells or whistles but it can be done just needed some time to get used to it!! In the mean time u gotta protect all your assests like a momma bear protects her cubs I wish u luck I know u can do it just takes time.
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Old 07-03-2007, 01:31 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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You are the owner of your IRA's, generally, the court will award the spouse a portion of the IRA, if, for example, she was a stay at home Mom taking care of the children, while he the breadwinner worked. Generally this only applies to long term marriages.

In my case, when I got divorced, he, my husband kept his IRA's and I kept mine. We both worked and invested our individual money into our IRA's, so, we each were entitled to our IRA's. Although his was larger than mine, it remained 100% his.

If I were in your exact situtation, I would move my IRA's and let them come after them, if it comes to that. There is no law that precludes you from doing this.

Just my two cents.
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Old 07-03-2007, 03:23 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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been trying to cut down on electric, by keeping the thermostat at 75 and we have been eating hotdogs and pasta....
I keep mine at 79 except ina sweating emergency, turn up to 82 when I leave the house. Got a thing from my power company that shows what appliances use what amount of power and now I turn computer off at night an when not home, asit on all the time eats about $20 a month. Only use dishwasher and washer when full, turn lights and fans off when not in the room. Put atimer on your water heater or turn it off at times when noone will be using it for several hours.

Cable, well its missed, but life goes on, I get no reception either except on occassion, with a $50 set of rabbit ears a fuzzy channel I basically listen too. I cut call waiting and caller id off home phone as well.

Then plan grocery trips, price compare ect. I try to do one large trip once a month and then one smaller trip midmonth, the less I go to the store the les I spend.

Remember everything counts, I watch ac in car as it uses more gas and I remember going even a block out of the way adds up in gas prices, keep vehicle serviced and tires air pressure even too, all those things throw it off
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Old 07-03-2007, 04:09 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I hate to say it...really...but NOW is the time to think about YOU, your kids, and your future. I paniced too...when I realized that everything was going to fall on ME when it came to providing my son with a home...but our HP ALWAYS provides. ALWAYS. You've got to do your part...cut corners wherever long as you do your part, your HP will do his. It just works out that way.

Keep the faith DW...Keep doing the next best thing for yourself and your kids and everything will work itself ALWAYS does.
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Old 07-03-2007, 04:43 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Get your own account on Thursday morning the minute the bank's door opens.

Then withdraw what you need to live for the next two-three months out of the joint account and put it in your new account where YOU AND ONLY YOU can get to it.

You will need this to survive. That money will be gone soon, and you will have nothing. As half of your marriage partnership, you have a right to that money, and as someone who shares a joint account with an addict, if you don't separate it now to pay the utilities you could be facing a lot worse than turning your thermostat down.

And your husband? He will ALWAYS find more money for cocaine. Because that's what addicts do.

Protect yourself. No one is going to do this for you, and now is the time before it's all gone.

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Old 07-03-2007, 07:54 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
No more merlot, more mamma
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Hi DW..I've been following your posts. I agree with the above bout the money..get it out asap.

Divorce sucks. I know. Even if your ex isn't an addict. It sounds to me (and I say this as gently as possible)that by taking care of you your ex has pretty much taken control of you. It happens alot. You need to realize that you are a strong woman. You have it in you. Maybe it would help to think that he's not doing all this crap to YOU, but to your children. As a mom myself, ain't nobody gonna mess with my kids!

My thought about the lawn mowing, imagine how proud you will be of yourself when that lawn is done, and done by you!

This poem always makes me realize just how strong I am:

by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.
I say
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please
And to a man
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees
Then they swarm around me
A hive of honey bees.
I say
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth
The swing of my waist
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say
It's in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile
The ride of my breasts
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say
It's in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand
The need for my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman
That's me.


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