drainedwife

my mother-in-law suggested we go see a mediator.....instead of paying these lawyers all of this money....

i am thinking that although, i cannot afford my lawyer, he will protect me and that might be worth it..if i go through a mediator, than i am guessing the RO would have to be dropped and the DV complaint...how i am working it now, is that if my ah agrees to the "FM restraints" which are civil court restraints not criminal-i still drop the RO and the DV complaint but there are restraints in the FM where we still dont have contact, except non-harassing emails about the kids....and that can be changed at any time.

isnt a mediator just for a divorce??? can you go to them to help you with just a seperation until you are dviorcing? and in nj there is no legal sepration.
what my MIL doesnt understand is that without any restraints, my ah will be in this house and then what?? i dont know how a mediator comes into play....

I dont want to spend a fortune on my lawyer, because that will leave me with nothing, but do i have a choice???? my ah is the one that is dragging this out because he wont sign the FM restraint agreement...he wants me to have no contact with his family, friends, co-workers, not be able to use any substance abuse evaluatoin or findings or treatment in any other proceedings, (i.e. divorce), and also
i need HIS permission to make of purchase of $300 or more....its ridiculous.

any advice??????????????

pjbs55

DW
My ex and I signed forms for a legal separation, when we separated, 1995. With that it was set out how much he had to pay to keep the house going and for child support. I don't know if the laws have changed since then or not.
I do not have any experience with a mediator, but if I were you I would speak to the lawyer about it and see what he says. Sometimes the judge does make the other party pay for all legal fees. That is something to think about.
I would NOT speak to your MIL at all right now, your husband will use it against you in court on Monday. If she calls just tell her you are busy and can not speak right now. If you have caller ID check it before you answer the phone. He will use anything and everything against you tomorrow in court.
Good luck,

splendra

I think you ought to stay with your lawyer...and not speak to any of his family members.

duet_4-8

I have a close friend who just finished mediation in her divorce. Both she and her ex had their own attorneys present, and they all sat down with the mediator. It isn't cheap, but it worked out fairly well for her......but then again she was not married to an abusive, manipulative drug addict....

I'd let my attorney decide, and I would stop listening to my MIL, if I were you. It seems to me that quacking runs in the family....

dollydo

The mediator is generally a go between the attornies. Please don't consider dropping your attorney, your husband will run you into the ground if you do.

Having a lawyer will not leave you penniless, not having one will.

And, stop talking to his family, this is a bad move. Your MIL is not concerned about you, she is concerned about her son.

MeggieStar

Ditto what Dolly said.