lost control of myself
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
lost control of myself
Dammit yesterday I came home and my H was standing on my front porch high on crack and I pushed him off the porch and started yelling and screaming...
I feel so bad about loosing control of myself in this way
I feel so bad about loosing control of myself in this way
President
Join Date: May 2006
Location: on our next big adventure!
Posts: 1,253
I think it would have been considered losing control if you kicked him after you pushed him off the porch! Be easy on yourself girl!!! You've been dealing with all of his nonsense in addition to all the every day stuff! Besides, of course you lost it a bit, he's pushing you and pushing you in hopes that he'll push all those buttons!!! Just breathe!!!! You'll make it through this!!!!
Much love and hugs!
Much love and hugs!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
You did what some many of us would have. He is doing what he is doing just to get a reaction from you. It was not to harsh, if you attacked him after you pushed him off the porch that would have been harsh.
Take a deep breath and let it and this go. Turn to your HP he/she will guide you in the future.
Hugs
Take a deep breath and let it and this go. Turn to your HP he/she will guide you in the future.
Hugs
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Yes he is still in the truck in the driveway. A homeless person just came by looking for him OH God!! Not that I have anything against homeless people I don't...but still I don't usually have them knocking on my door...
I guess I am going to have to have him removed. If he drives way there are cops looking for him cause they now know he does not have a drivers license. He has called twice to come get him cause the police would not let him drive off in the truck. This was before I put his stuff in the truck...
I guess I am going to have to have him removed. If he drives way there are cops looking for him cause they now know he does not have a drivers license. He has called twice to come get him cause the police would not let him drive off in the truck. This was before I put his stuff in the truck...
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
I would just say you need him off your property. Any way and anyhow...
And, BTW, if I came home to ANYONE smoking crack on MY front porch I would be getting the shot gun.. holding it in one hand (loaded and cocked) and calling 911 with the other to let them know about the dead body by my front door.......
I think you showed tremendous restraint. Just my opinion.
And, BTW, if I came home to ANYONE smoking crack on MY front porch I would be getting the shot gun.. holding it in one hand (loaded and cocked) and calling 911 with the other to let them know about the dead body by my front door.......
I think you showed tremendous restraint. Just my opinion.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
I agree with Elana. If I came home to find my sister high on my porch, and it was just her and I, I honestly don't know that I could have the discipline to just push her once like that. He knows he's not supposed to be getting high... he got what he deserved, if not much less.
I am a full believer in compassion, but I also refuse to be pushed around. If you can get to him while he's doing it and react, that just may be the thing he needs to see. I don't know the full situation, but you never know, he may have actually been affected by your reaction, whether he admits it or not, temporary as it may have been; planting a seed is rarely a bad thing.
Just remember, HE screwed up, not you.
*hugs*
I am a full believer in compassion, but I also refuse to be pushed around. If you can get to him while he's doing it and react, that just may be the thing he needs to see. I don't know the full situation, but you never know, he may have actually been affected by your reaction, whether he admits it or not, temporary as it may have been; planting a seed is rarely a bad thing.
Just remember, HE screwed up, not you.
*hugs*
He is trespassing and you have every right not to want a homeless drug addict squatting on your porch or in your driveway. Hugs, Marle
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
It is just as easy for our behavior to relapse with a trigger as it is for theirs.
Hopefully you have the tools to get "serenity" and your equalibrium back quickly now.
While we can't tolerate their behav. and we learn to detach, it is so very sad to see them in active addiction. I always remember my boundaries while feeling compassion for the man (in my case my son) who doesn't know a better way to live yet.
Hopefully you have the tools to get "serenity" and your equalibrium back quickly now.
While we can't tolerate their behav. and we learn to detach, it is so very sad to see them in active addiction. I always remember my boundaries while feeling compassion for the man (in my case my son) who doesn't know a better way to live yet.
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Don't be too hard on yourself. I would have done the same or worse...I know that sick feeling you get when you have 'relapse'. It sucks. I agree with others, it's time for him to go.....
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Splenda, I ask this because I've been sick of myself and my sitaution, too, but just HOW sick of it are you? Sick enough to set another boundary? Call the law and have him removed? A boundary of not having him on your property while doing drugs would require that you make a move to have him removed.
Now I realize I'm not in your situation and I don't know if he's violent, but I know that when I have a front row seat to the addiction, I just don't do well at all. Just having to look at him in the driveway everyday would blow my serenity right out of the water.
Prayers for you that you can do what you need to do for YOUR peace and serenity,
Hangin' In
Now I realize I'm not in your situation and I don't know if he's violent, but I know that when I have a front row seat to the addiction, I just don't do well at all. Just having to look at him in the driveway everyday would blow my serenity right out of the water.
Prayers for you that you can do what you need to do for YOUR peace and serenity,
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 10
Just imagine....
Can you imagine what it would feel like to be able to look outside and know that he won't be anywhere near your house (due to a restraining order or whatever)? What if you could come home from work, put your feet up and admire the flowers you planted, or the smell of summer in the air? Do you have kids? What if they could draw some pictures in your driveway with sidewalk chalk, or you draw with it for that matter.
Nobody deserves to put up with an addict living in the driveway. Nobody should have to deal with another person on crack when they come home from a long day at work. I feel angry when I hear about him abusing your space and psyche that way, even though I know it isn't my place. I don't know you, but I do know what it feels like to live with chaos and crazymakers, and you just plain deserve better. The fact that you are letting him stay there says you have a really compassionate heart, and I wish you would direct it towards yourself. I know it is easier said than done. I just hate to hear you suffer.
Nobody deserves to put up with an addict living in the driveway. Nobody should have to deal with another person on crack when they come home from a long day at work. I feel angry when I hear about him abusing your space and psyche that way, even though I know it isn't my place. I don't know you, but I do know what it feels like to live with chaos and crazymakers, and you just plain deserve better. The fact that you are letting him stay there says you have a really compassionate heart, and I wish you would direct it towards yourself. I know it is easier said than done. I just hate to hear you suffer.
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((hanging in))))
I am pretty sick and stuck...I called the law on him once and had him forced into rehab... the guilt campaign he went on was really bad I know I should have ignored him at that time but I did not...one of my siblings were trying to move in on me since I had a vacancy and I guess I thought letting my H was the lessor of the 2 evils cause I knew if I let one of my siblings in they all would be in my space in no time.
My siblings would think nothing of taking my car and being gone for days plus clearing out any valuables that I may have. Every time I make even an emotional move away from my H my siblings seem to pick up on it.... They all have broken into my house more time than I can count one of them even maced my dog once...
I guess in essence I use my H to keep them away cause they do not like each other. My sister stole my ID and made a big mess of my credit and credibility she even got arrested using my name which caused me to loose one of my professional licenses and because my credit is so bad I can't afford to go thru the process of getting reinstated. Believe my ID theft is devastating if I have her arrested I am sure my family will hate me forever cause she will go to jail and they keep assuring me that her disabled son would be the one who would do the most suffering for it...
I have a job offer that will pay for my license to be reinstated but they will be taking the fees off the top which will seem like I am working for free for about a month... there is even more $hit that I don't even want to think about...I know I need to be stronger but, hell my energy is really low I feel lucky I can even work...I can't tell my jobs about what is going on in my life I just can't...
I need to get my H out then quietly sell my house and leave for parts unknown to anyone but me...
I am pretty sick and stuck...I called the law on him once and had him forced into rehab... the guilt campaign he went on was really bad I know I should have ignored him at that time but I did not...one of my siblings were trying to move in on me since I had a vacancy and I guess I thought letting my H was the lessor of the 2 evils cause I knew if I let one of my siblings in they all would be in my space in no time.
My siblings would think nothing of taking my car and being gone for days plus clearing out any valuables that I may have. Every time I make even an emotional move away from my H my siblings seem to pick up on it.... They all have broken into my house more time than I can count one of them even maced my dog once...
I guess in essence I use my H to keep them away cause they do not like each other. My sister stole my ID and made a big mess of my credit and credibility she even got arrested using my name which caused me to loose one of my professional licenses and because my credit is so bad I can't afford to go thru the process of getting reinstated. Believe my ID theft is devastating if I have her arrested I am sure my family will hate me forever cause she will go to jail and they keep assuring me that her disabled son would be the one who would do the most suffering for it...
I have a job offer that will pay for my license to be reinstated but they will be taking the fees off the top which will seem like I am working for free for about a month... there is even more $hit that I don't even want to think about...I know I need to be stronger but, hell my energy is really low I feel lucky I can even work...I can't tell my jobs about what is going on in my life I just can't...
I need to get my H out then quietly sell my house and leave for parts unknown to anyone but me...
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
The rest of the story..
Geeze girl.. you have one tough life.
I know what I would do, but you are not me and I tend to fall back on my old pal, ANGER. It is not emotionally charged anger.. it is the cold and calculating kind that moves me forward while cutting whoever is crapping on me off at the legs....
I offer support and hope for you.. and I will pray for you to get your life back from your H and your siblings.
Geeze girl.. you have one tough life.
I know what I would do, but you are not me and I tend to fall back on my old pal, ANGER. It is not emotionally charged anger.. it is the cold and calculating kind that moves me forward while cutting whoever is crapping on me off at the legs....
I offer support and hope for you.. and I will pray for you to get your life back from your H and your siblings.
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