ladyamalthea

I have had the following thoughts about what may happen if I over do the concept of "warming up" to my sister when she gets out of rehab in a couple of weeks:

1) If I let her come to my new house, she may be tempted to steal from me
2) If she doesn't steal that day, she may be tempted to come back later
3) If she comes back later, it will probably be with some of her addict friends who may try to come back later without her

So, in the interest of protecting myself, my husband, and my new home (which is technically not even mine yet, hence the comment about thinking too much lol), am I being overly selfish by saying that, guilty as I feel, I don't think I can have her over at my house?

Granted, I'm not rich or anything, but what little fine jewelry I do have has much sentimental value as most of it was wedding gifts, and the other stuff that would be at risk I simply cannot afford to replace, such as my laptop computer or that of my husband's...

Besides, in the next couple of years, hubby and I are probably going to start trying to have kids, and I want to take every step necessary to ensure that my kids would not be subjected to the kinds of things she put my parents through... or worse...

does this make me a bad person?

frankie_b

No, having boundaries and protecting your home does not make you a bad person.
If you'd like to see her why not meet somewhere and share a meal and time together. You have rights and options too.
Hugs

Spiritual Seeker

She went to rehab, maybe just maybe she wants to change. Can you celebrate her success and be proud of her accomplishment? So hide your jewelry + laptop. Can you Embrace and support her in sobriety? Before, when my son got out of rehab we went to his grandma's house. I was realistic and told grandma to hide her meds. Then we loved and welcomed him back. He is not sober now, but if he goes to rehab and tries again...so will we. No one is just their mistakes.

GiveLove

Having lived through far too many nightmare scenarios like the ones you fear, I would say that perhaps you should wait and see how your sister's sobriety goes for a few months, and how meetings with her go in neutral places, before making any sort of decision about whether to invite her to your new home. I understand your concerns.

If & when you DO decide to welcome her at home, I'd definitely put away the things that you are worried about so you can enjoy a stress-free time together. It should be made clear that she's not just to drop in. Ever. If that's the custom in your family, break it, because that's a recipe for disaster with addicts and recovering addicts.

And be sure you count your spare housekeys when she leaves. Sorry to sound so negative, but you know that old saying "Trust in god, but keep your powder dry" ?

In the quest to recover from the horrors of others' addictions, we all have to do what we're comfortable with. I'll be hoping that your sister stays clean and is past her drug days. Time will tell, and you will know the answer to your wonderings.

GL

BigSis

Good advice above me. Do what you can live with.

marle

She is the one who broke the trust, now let her earn it back by her actions. Meeting at a neutral place sounds like a good thing to do. That way you are not having to hide things or be on pins and needles. You do not have to pay for her behavior. Hugs, Marle

tropikgal2

You're not being paranoid, just pragmatic. No one can blame you for protecting your home and possessions.

ladyamalthea

Thank you everyone. I feel better now

Spiritual Seeker, this has nothing to do with my embracing her in her sobriety. I celebrate a little more in my mind every day that she makes it through rehab. Understand this is not about whether or not I'm being compassionate. If I was not being compassionate, I would want nothing to do with her at all. You're right, I should definitely hide my valuables if she ever comes over, and as GiveLove said, I will need to guard my spare keys too.

I just don't want you to think I don't love her or will not be happy that she's recovering. That could not be further from the truth. But I think for now, like others have said, we will be meeting elsewhere.

Thanks for the advice!

Spiritual Seeker

We can only do what we feel comfortable with at any given time. Part of recovery is for the addict to make amends and clean up the wreckage of their past. That takes time. When the wreckage is comprehensive, it takes a long time to be show trustworthyness. My addict son has never stolen from me. Other than the drugs have stolen him from my life and he is estranged. Thankfully your Sis has you and you are willing to build a relationship when and if she is capable.