Family dynamics
 

so - tell me about the rest of the family? How does one who isn't supposed to be a user, end up with the same stinking thinking and manipulative controlling selfish attitudes as the users. Cripes I am sick of all of them and seriously think the only way for me to have a sane peaceful life is to file and move. Then I can set boundaries that say 'when you come to my house you can keep you natsy comments to yourself, take you shoes off at the door, put things back where they belong, quit being rude, if you don't have anything nice to say don't come over, don't want something everytime you come talk to be, behave, do something constructive with your life, quit complaining about others, get the heck over it, move forward or don't come over but get off my a$$.'

and why does that sound so glorious to me? Jeez I feel like I am right back where I started and I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK THERE I HATE IT. I can't stand them and I can't stand me either now! How sic is that! i know better than to give free rent in my head. If I move forward with my own life I do not want to pack this baggage and move it with me.

anyway - have missed everyone - I need to quit being busy and remember to take care of me. God Bless and thanks!

Yea i have some of those same dynamics....hang in there. Keep posting...

yes, i can relate. setting boundaries has helped me regain some of my space, but just when I set a boundary in one area, they sneak in another area.It's a constant battle to keep my life sane and my own. Hang in there. You deserve to live in a home filled with peace and safety.
krhea

I had similar problems in my family although not related to drugs. There was just a lot of drama. I did move 25 years ago and it made the world of difference. I talk to them once in a while over the phone, but the only member of my family that I call is my mom. I know that she is a big codie and so I just listen. I don't give advice and I don't get involved. I sometimes miss my birth family, but I don't miss their petty arguments and jealousies and drama. Hugs, Marle

I had to do the same as Marle....and I find my family relationships are SO much healthier now that I don't feel so trapped by all of the drama, inconsideration, gossip, complaints, and junk. And the distance I've put between us allows ME to control how much of that craziness I allow into my life.

What would be wrong with enforcing your boundaries as you state them? No, wait, hear me out here. If they feel glorious to even think about, isn't that telling you something? What would you lose by putting your foot down? Either they agree to abide by them (so you'll have greater peace of mind) or they don't (and you won't see much of them, so you'll have greater peace of mind)

Gaining dignity and respect doesn't have to be a fantasy.

Hugs,
GiveLove

I have not read all above yet so forgive me if I repeat. In life you have or you will find that there are just as many @holes as you will find good people. Only a small % of people are addicts/asse$ and the rest are just asse$. The thing I think we forget to reinforce here in SR is life is FULL of people who are @sses NOT just your addict and not only in some cases because of his addiction. I think using the opposites attrack theory who else would obnoxious @holes like to talk smack to, someone easy going and nice who might put up with it or someone just like they are who will attack them or retaliate. Tell them all goodbye and stop being upset over what someone else is doing, don't be there when they do it and you will never know.

thanks everyone! i appreciate your wisdom. My yougest appears to be addicted to drama. Makes me crazy (he's 23) I am painting the basement and 5 times he has moved a piece a furnitire to a wall i asked it not be against because I am steam cleaning carpets and painting (after AS and his AGF moved out with their dogs the basement walls and carpets needed a good cleaning) after washing them i decided they needed to be repainted. I just woke him up and firmly states - i have prepeatedly asked you to leave it alone and I am telling you again - leave it alon - don't touch it I am working - you can help or you can leave it alone - don't touch it again and I walked away - not staying for the insanity dance. I am working on the 'out of here' plan. No more shopping for me - paying doown some other things furiously and will put that $ towards rent or a house payment. I am in the second season of my life and by God i am going to enjoy all the gifts he has in store for me.

Love to all on this board!/M

sorry your are going through this, keeping you and yours in my prayers

why do u have to move to set your boundries? you are free to say those things to anybody you want to. it is your house your boundries & there garbage can be left at there house or they can go back to it or anywhere else they came from. wishing you peace today.

thank you for your honesty! I need to be surrounded by honest people. THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH! I needed to hear this./M