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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Having read all of this, I would take the advice of my lawyer with the legal stuff. Educate yourself. We are NOT lawyers or judges, no matter how much experience we have.
It might be worth it to ask your lawyer if the location of hearings can be changed if the judge is one who has seen your AH as a trial lawyer (conflict of interest). However, I am NOT a lawyer (nor is anyone who is responding here from what I can see) so I do not know if this can be done in Family Court or if it can be done period so you need to talk to him.
I agree that he is playing chicken with you and your kids.. or the stare game.. who is going to blink first?
Take the advice of your lawyer. Keep your self and your home safe. If he goes to jail, and you end up having to lower your living standards to what you can afford, you all will survive (and that you have to believe).
There is a God or a Higher Power... turn the out come over to Him while you take every possible step to take care of you and your kids, and then live today. Don't blink.
You have support here from ppl who care about you.
It might be worth it to ask your lawyer if the location of hearings can be changed if the judge is one who has seen your AH as a trial lawyer (conflict of interest). However, I am NOT a lawyer (nor is anyone who is responding here from what I can see) so I do not know if this can be done in Family Court or if it can be done period so you need to talk to him.
I agree that he is playing chicken with you and your kids.. or the stare game.. who is going to blink first?
Take the advice of your lawyer. Keep your self and your home safe. If he goes to jail, and you end up having to lower your living standards to what you can afford, you all will survive (and that you have to believe).
There is a God or a Higher Power... turn the out come over to Him while you take every possible step to take care of you and your kids, and then live today. Don't blink.
You have support here from ppl who care about you.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
DW... you have gotten excellent advice from those who have already walked down this path.
What jumps out at me...
Please do not forget that addiction is not only chronic... it is progressive. If he is headed for jail... he is headed for jail, and all the denial in the world will not change that.
Why can't you support your kids? There are plenty on this board with less education than you who have done just exactly that. I did have thoughts like that when I got divorced from Mr. Big (we divorced for 3 years when my kids were little). But I did get to a point that what was important to me was the FREEDOM ... the ability to walk in the world without concerns about violence and retribution and fear. I came to understand that THAT freedom had a price. I also decided that I could live almost anywhere... as long as the chaos was gone.
Your AH is a drug addict. He may not be able to perform much longer as an attorney. What you are fighting for now is material possession of things to help your children.... before he loses those things to his addiction, as well. I think the idea of preserving his professional standing has long passed by. And not by YOUR doing. It is his. He is the addict. He is making choices about using drugs and becoming violent.
You are just trying to get out with as much intact as possible... but I think income from him would be negligible at any rate... even if he was a pipefitter. At some point, the addiction just becomes bigger than that.
I have seen men quit jobs (good ones!) in order to retaliate against a divorcing woman with children. I cannot imagine what sort of rage that takes, to hurt the kids in order to "get back" at the woman. You may well have more interest in his professional standing at this point, than he does.
(((hugs))) There is good advice above me.
What jumps out at me...
and i was just afraid of what the kids would think when they kow their dad is in jail...i gues i was thinking of myself in that if he goes to jail and looses his job, there goes my support. i cant support my kids myself.
Why can't you support your kids? There are plenty on this board with less education than you who have done just exactly that. I did have thoughts like that when I got divorced from Mr. Big (we divorced for 3 years when my kids were little). But I did get to a point that what was important to me was the FREEDOM ... the ability to walk in the world without concerns about violence and retribution and fear. I came to understand that THAT freedom had a price. I also decided that I could live almost anywhere... as long as the chaos was gone.
Your AH is a drug addict. He may not be able to perform much longer as an attorney. What you are fighting for now is material possession of things to help your children.... before he loses those things to his addiction, as well. I think the idea of preserving his professional standing has long passed by. And not by YOUR doing. It is his. He is the addict. He is making choices about using drugs and becoming violent.
You are just trying to get out with as much intact as possible... but I think income from him would be negligible at any rate... even if he was a pipefitter. At some point, the addiction just becomes bigger than that.
I have seen men quit jobs (good ones!) in order to retaliate against a divorcing woman with children. I cannot imagine what sort of rage that takes, to hurt the kids in order to "get back" at the woman. You may well have more interest in his professional standing at this point, than he does.
(((hugs))) There is good advice above me.
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
"Your AH is a drug addict. He may not be able to perform much longer as an attorney. What you are fighting for now is material possession of things to help your children.... before he loses those things to his addiction, as well. I think the idea of preserving his professional standing has long passed by. And not by YOUR doing. It is his. He is the addict. He is making choices about using drugs and becoming violent."
Agree with BigSis on this. You are hooking your wagon to a falling star. It doesn't take long once the downward spiral starts. My daughter was a registered nurse. She ended up homeless, jobless etc. Addiction doesn't stay at one point....it progresses, and you only have to look on the streets to see where it ends up. Addicts are sometimes high functioning...i.e. can work etc., for only sooo long. I think if you are counting on him supporting you forever....well....you can dream....but IMHO....sounds like things are already spiralling outta control.
For your kids sake, you need to take control, and find a way to support yourself and them if he does lose his job!
Agree with BigSis on this. You are hooking your wagon to a falling star. It doesn't take long once the downward spiral starts. My daughter was a registered nurse. She ended up homeless, jobless etc. Addiction doesn't stay at one point....it progresses, and you only have to look on the streets to see where it ends up. Addicts are sometimes high functioning...i.e. can work etc., for only sooo long. I think if you are counting on him supporting you forever....well....you can dream....but IMHO....sounds like things are already spiralling outta control.
For your kids sake, you need to take control, and find a way to support yourself and them if he does lose his job!
'Round and 'Round I Go....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 478
it basically says that i use his 77byr. old mother fo rthe sole purpose of emotionally hurting him because i told her that he is a heavy drug user. You were speaking to the grandmother of your children. No crime there. The conversation steered towards the issue of you and her son's marriage. No crime there either. You informed her of why you needed to divorce her son. Not unusual at all. also that i contacted his family causes them dress and taht this is a crime. Are you sure he's a lawyer?? Duress is compulsory force or threat or coercion using force or threat. also, that it is slanderous for me to be telling people he is violent and is a drug user. He would need to prove slander. he also put in there that we went to a marraige counselor months ago (we only sent twice) and that he will testify that the drug and violence are fabricated...and that they are an effort to extort and blackmail. Okay...he would have to prove that you are blackmailing him. That's just as hard to prove that he is violent and a drug user especially when you're not blackmailing him. he then adds that it is unethical and illegal to suggest he will lose his liscence if i testify about his drug use. You are trying to save the man the trouble and he doesn't even realize it. You were just stating a fact.
Do what you have to do but your lawyer probably realizes that this is just all he said she said. As far as the e-mail to you, as a lawyer he should've known that he was going against the RO against him. Lawyers know how to use words to manipulate. They get paid very well for it. Let your lawyer handle any communication with him. Don't do or say anything yourself because most likely he may be recording you.
Do what you have to do but your lawyer probably realizes that this is just all he said she said. As far as the e-mail to you, as a lawyer he should've known that he was going against the RO against him. Lawyers know how to use words to manipulate. They get paid very well for it. Let your lawyer handle any communication with him. Don't do or say anything yourself because most likely he may be recording you.
Last edited by best; 06-28-2007 at 12:07 AM.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Midwest
Posts: 66
((Drained))
I agree with the others. I think he's trying to manipulate you and you keep showing him you are NOT backing down.
I did the same with giving my atty every bit if information I could get. I even got him to admit (to his atty) he had a crack problem. This went very far in my favor. I also had all the means to back it up. I ended up not needing it because the judge didn't care for my ex at all.....thank goodness.
However, keep all documentation.....don't back down... and I'll keep you in my prayers!!!!!
Hang in there!!!!
Jen
I agree with the others. I think he's trying to manipulate you and you keep showing him you are NOT backing down.
I did the same with giving my atty every bit if information I could get. I even got him to admit (to his atty) he had a crack problem. This went very far in my favor. I also had all the means to back it up. I ended up not needing it because the judge didn't care for my ex at all.....thank goodness.
However, keep all documentation.....don't back down... and I'll keep you in my prayers!!!!!
Hang in there!!!!
Jen
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