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you not going to believe this

Old 06-26-2007, 11:44 AM
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you not going to believe this

my ah sent an agreement to my lawyer which states that i am not allowed to contact him or his family members, friends and co-workers. Also that i agree to dismiss the RO, DV complaint, and divorce complaint.

it also says that i need to go for psychiatric eval. for obsessive compulsive disorder, anger management, shopping addiction, depression, obsessive jealousy, hypochondria, alcohol and drugs.

also, that if i should get arrested for DWi, he will gain custoody of the home and joint custody of the kids....

and some other garbage....

he is just so insane, and it is scaring me...i dont know how to handle all of this...we are scheduled to go to trial on monday.....

please, please pray for me.... i dont know what this man is capable of but he is trying to wear me down and i dont deserve this....

i just want to get as far away from him as i possibly can....
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Old 06-26-2007, 11:49 AM
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drained...I dont know what to say but what a loser maybe a dangerous one. If you are in fear for your safety YOU have to do something to protect yourself. Borrow or buy something whether a lethal or non lethal weapon to protect yourself and your kids. I would rather have protection and not need it than to need it and not have it. Otherwise just stay away from the freak...you win he loses. Good luck to you.
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Old 06-26-2007, 11:53 AM
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DW,

I am sorry to say this but I am not at all surprised.
Look, do you and the kids have somewhere else you can stay for awhile.
I, too, think he is a dangerous man.
I used to carry pepper spray...but that wasn't enough.
To tell you the truth, I and a few others here have wound up moving far away.
And keeping our new location a secret except from a select few.
I know you can at least go to the DV shelter.
You really need to be very cautious right now.
Please, better safe than sorry.
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Old 06-26-2007, 11:59 AM
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drained....................he is trying to make it look like its you, and he's pushing you so hard, hurting your children and making you upset BECAUSE he wants you to mess up he wants you to react!

DONT just stick to your RO, give the emails he sent your daughter to your lawyer and keep yourself composed.
If you continue to be calm and not react when you get in court your lawyer will get the truth out.........and the judge can hear and see (with the email) what your AH is doing...................
SEE though ..........you cannot give an inch this man is not rational...............
and each time you think maybe you should give in a little he shows you AGAIN and AGAIN he cannot be trusted and he is not rational!!!
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Old 06-26-2007, 12:01 PM
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what did your attorney say about the agreement?

did he tell you not to worry?
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Old 06-26-2007, 12:09 PM
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Look, I have seen some crazy things go down.
He can plant drugs on your property and then phone in a tip off.
He CAN do all sorts of things that you would never think of in a million years.
Can you take your dv counselor with you to court? This is most helpful.
You are in the final rounds and they are dirty pool.
The only name of the game with him is that he wins.
I would not be surprised if he tried to intimidate you physically, or mess with your car or a million other things.
He is capable of anything right now.
He could kidnap the kids and tie you up in your own house.
I am not being crazy here.
These things do happen.
You cannot be too cautious!
Do not give in no matter what!
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Old 06-26-2007, 12:16 PM
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dw,
I am really so sorry that you are going through this; I went through similar things with my ex, although not to this extent. Yours being a lawyer makes him much bolder, I think.

Mine told friends, family, and people at church (including the pastor) that I was 'on something' or I wouldn't 'be acting this way' (referring to divorcing him). He told people all manner of hurtful things that happened to me and that I had shared with him in an effort to show them that I was off balance mentally. He used things that happened to me as a child, a sexual assault in my teens, a much-regretted (for me) abortion, and other things to demean me to everyone.

Don't let your guard down for even a moment and don't be surprised at ANYTHING he says or does. DO NOT REACT, just document it all and give it to your attorney.

Hang in there, you will be fine!
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Old 06-26-2007, 12:18 PM
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He wants you to not contact him or his family but wants the RO lifted and the divorce dropped that is such a contradiction right there. I hope the very next time he contacts you or the kids you will have his a$$ locked up....
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Old 06-26-2007, 12:21 PM
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((Drainedwife))
Please do whatever you have to to protect yourself and your children. Print out the emails, if he calls on the cell phone do not erase the numbers, voicemail etc. If you have called ID and can take the device with you to court do it. Anything to prove to the judge that he is the one breaking the RO. Listen to your lawyer, he has been there before and knows what to do. Go for counciling if you can, (sorry for spelling) try to stay calm when you are near him or speak to him.
If you have family or friends near you ,go and stay there. Call the police and let them know what he has said, and that he is the one on drugs, and if you know there is nothing on or in your house let them search it this way you have proof that it is not you. They might be able to talk on your behalf in court. But first of all talk to your lawyer on if you should do this or not.
I was also married to a lawyer and know what kind of games they play when they are going through a divorce. He bad mouthed me all over the area, and I ended up moving away just to get away from it all. His family would tell lies to the other parents at the school our son went to, his cousins wife.
Most of all just do anything and everything to protect yourself and your girls.
Hugs,
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Old 06-26-2007, 12:43 PM
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Wow. That guy is batsh*t crazy. For some reason, reading about him makes me swear alot.

This is another intimidation ploy. Don't fall for it, stay strong. Remember just a few weeks ago you were too scared to do anything and you have been AMAZING in sticking to your boundaries and protecting yourself and kids.

Do not fall victim to fear. You are the sane one and you will come out on top eventually. But absolutely, you NEED to document every single thing from this point on and everything you can remember. He is playing dirty, you need to not worry about bringing up his drug use or trying to mandate treatment for him etc. Bring out your guns, you have them where he does not. You don't need to fight dirty, just telloing the truth should be enough.

Document document document every single email, message, call, anything you hear thru his or your families, anything that happens with your kids, keep your house clean in case CPS drops by, and most of all be gentle with yourself and KNOW that you are doing the right things.
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Old 06-26-2007, 12:57 PM
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He is a manipulator and in addition using the well known tactics of so many family law attorneys.
Do not agree no matter what. Go to as many meetings and counseling appointments as you can before Monday. Get DV counselor to go with you to court. Unless prescribed take no substances unless over the counter, but defiantely take all prescribed substances if any.
Stand tall and calm and proud when you go into court, why cause you know the truth and noone can take that from you.
I agree with meggie, scan through the house. First of all its possible he left a surprise behind. Clean thoroughly paying extra attention to kitchen, fridge and bathrooms. Practice breathing techniques and being calm
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Old 06-26-2007, 12:58 PM
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and file copies of his emails to you with the court.

Im concerned why your attorneys not telling you the same as we are
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Old 06-26-2007, 01:08 PM
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DW, FWIW I am here with the others on this and I am in full support of you. Meggie siad this guy makes her swear.. Oh I hope I am never in a room with him because I fi was he would go to Elana's 15 minute school for good manners and decent respect!

He KNOWS he is scaring you. HE WILL STOP AT NOTHING TO WIN!!!

You are not going to sign that agreement. Keep all records. Talk to your attorney. Keep yourself and your kids safe.

This man is capable of anything at this point. He is dangerous from what I can see. He is a master manipulator.

YOU STAY STRONG. YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS. YOU ARE A DECENT PERSON.

DO NOT CAVE IN. HE WILL NOT BECOME LESS DANGEROUS IF YOU DO>> HE WILL LIKELY BE MORE DANGEROUS!
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Old 06-26-2007, 01:15 PM
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(((DW))))
I have to be honest here in that up until now I thought that maybe he was "reacting" and that once things sunk in, he would calm down and play fair...even take some of the advice he's been given.

I do beleive I was way way wrong. He's crossed way over the line of "understandable" behavior under the circumstances.

Keep focused on you and the kids and don't listen to one more word of his. Its a ploy, a tactic, and it could backfire on him if left to the authorities. But if you step back in the ring, you're in the game.

I understand your anger...use it to your advantage. Many of us here HAD to get angry at our addict before we could begin to detach from their madness.

You are the one keeping it together for yourself and the kids. You are the one who tried to be fair and you are one strong capable gal.
Don't let him or anyone else tell you otherwise
(((Hugs)))
Cece
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Old 06-26-2007, 07:58 PM
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Originally Posted by cinderellawkids View Post
and file copies of his emails to you with the court.

Im concerned why your attorneys not telling you the same as we are
Hi, Drained, I wonder as well what your attorney says about all this??

It sounds like your Husband has gone off the deep end...I second everything the others have said. Be careful, and document everything he is doing/saying.

What does your lawyer say about this all this?

Hugs
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Old 06-26-2007, 09:12 PM
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you're right, you don't deserve this! I hope it all works out!
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Old 06-26-2007, 09:16 PM
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dw, i too am wondering what your attorney's advice is on all of this? i agree with everyone above that you need to let the attorney handle it, do not give in to this man at all and stay safe above all. you're in my thoughts.
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Old 06-26-2007, 09:18 PM
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drained,

i hope things are better - what a nightmare - what does your attorney say????? - cinderalla seems pretty right on with her advice - and never too - file complaints so you have a trail - you know what he did - just speak your truth - and you might want to print out your posts here - at least then you have a timeline of everything for monday...

i hope things go okay for you - stay strong - it will all work out the way it's supposed to - soon...

,love,
s
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Old 06-26-2007, 09:38 PM
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I see nothing strange about any of this.
Lawyer games. He said she said...who will the judge believe?

All that needs be done is ask for a hair follicle test to show who is telling the truth.
Counter claims and quacking is all it is.
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Old 06-26-2007, 09:51 PM
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Yes, it will be he says she says. It will not be fully investigated. This is a divorce trial and is treated rather expediently. Frankly, rarely does anyone walk out of a divorce happy with the outcome. Make sure all of your evidence is filed correctly with the court or it will not be admissable.
It is going to be tough, as the judge all ready knows your husband.
Not the husband you know, the one the judge knows.
What motions on your behalf has your attorney filed?
What evidence does he have to present?
Judges are accustomed to acrimonious divorces. The judge is not going to sort through every detail.
Judge Judy is just for tv.
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