do i quit my job??

Old 06-25-2007, 09:16 PM
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do i quit my job??

my mom called me before and she got me all nervous...i dont blame her...she doesnt think i should be leaving the kids home alone... tomorrow my firned is getting them at 12:00 noon so they will be alone for a while. also, i only make $15/HR. MY BABYSITTER COSTS ME $10 hr. for the summer, i need a sitter, and also i am sending my kids to camp for a month which costs me what i make in a month. also, i will have to leave my kids who are 10 and 12 alone in the morning for an hour and a half before they get picked up for camp,and then my older daughter will have to be responsible for locking up the house.

my sitter is away this week so i am having a problem with childcare...and since i have to be at work at 7:30 am it is also hard for me to get anyone to come tht early.
does anyone know the laws about leaving your kids alone??does it vary by state??

my mom thinks i should just quit my job for the summer and get a new one in september..im afraid that we will go into foreclosure since at the moment we have to pay 2 mortgages until the one house sells. she says i have to put my kids first, and she is right. i didn t plan out the summer not having my ah here. i thought he would have been here so i wouldnt have to leave them alone before camp...

another option is to have my dr write a note that i am being treated for severe anxiety and need to take a leave of absence from work.. i cannot get back the money for one of my kids camps, but the other, i did not pay most of yet.

any advice?? this is really stressing me out.....
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Old 06-25-2007, 09:31 PM
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don't know the answer to that one (((DW)))).

A thought did just pop into my mind I wonder if you could get a roommate maybe one that works nights and sleeps days that could hang out until the kids leave for the day. That way you could stay at work plus have extra income from a roommate...You could give a break on the rent for helping out....Question is do you have an extra room?
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Old 06-25-2007, 09:35 PM
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DW,

I gather your Mom is not near? I can't give you any info on laws...ours and yours are probably so different. I don't think that the kids are to young to be left for such a short time, but what concerns me is if your husband got wind of it he could cause you some problems that you really don't need.

Maybe for this week anyway you might just want to take sometime....

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Old 06-25-2007, 09:36 PM
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I was staying at home alone when I was ten. Both my parents had jobs and I took care of my younger borther and sister (8 and 6 at the time)...ten was a bit young but by the time I was twelve I was more then ready to be home alone, same with my younger siblings. I don't think twelve in an unreasonabe age, I guess it depends on the kid though and the area that you live.But I don't see it as inapropriate or kids who are in need of a sitter.
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Old 06-25-2007, 09:43 PM
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i was worried to if my ah got wind of it

i also dont have many days to take off left...i just used up 4 days when all this was happening and going back and forth to court....
my mom is not near. but she is coming for a few weeks soon and then again at the end of the summer i believe.

one good thing is that i work about 8 minutes from home.
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Old 06-26-2007, 03:33 AM
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My thoughts are that it is good for you to work. Not just for the money, but, for your mind, your well-being.

I fear that if you do not have other stimulation, all you will do is obsess more.

Your children are not babies, at their age they are very resourceful. There are church groups. Boys & Girls clubs that offer summer programs, and they are vey reasonable. Might want to check them out.
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Old 06-26-2007, 03:55 AM
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Drainedwife,
In NJ if your doctor writes you out of work due to a disability you can get state disability payments. It is about 80% of your wages. If you have been with the company for 1 year you can take a FMLA leave for 12 weeks. If you do that you will at least have money coming in for you and your children and can have your job back with you are well enough to go back to work. I worked in the HR department for 2 years and had to go out on FMLA last year. Let me know if I can help any other way.
Hugs coming to you and your children
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Old 06-26-2007, 04:07 AM
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i am a firm believer that it depends on the age. my oldest two were very responsibile, 9 yrs.differents in them & last child.he was always babied.the oldest two, i could trust by the time they were 7 & 8,they were working at 14 & 15. youngest was never left alone until he was 14. your childrens ages to left alone is fine, how are they mature wise? hope everything works out for you.
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Old 06-26-2007, 04:23 AM
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HOly cow, don't quit your job!! Do you think that $15.00/hr jobs grow on trees?? They sure dont' around here!! IS there not a day program for children at that "in-between" age to go to while you are at work? My folks started leaving me alone at age 10, but I was pretty self-sufficient and I then I started working the summers for cash when I was 12 (baby-sitting, office work--remember key-punch machines??) I guess it depends on the maturity of your children, but DON'T QUIT YOUR JOB!! Summer is already almost half over.
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Old 06-26-2007, 04:55 AM
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I agree.. don't quit your job. Also, as said above, $15 an hour jobs do not grow on trees. I was unemployed 7 years ago and after 5 weeks considered myself very lucky to get a job at $10 an hour with NO benefits.

Getting another job in the fall will be problematic. Trust me.

As to kids at 12 and 10 being home alone, yeah.. they can be. Pay them an allowance or a wage to be responsible and give them a list of things that they need to do every day. You will get things done around the house and they will learn about earning money.

At age 12 I was home alone, my younger brother was 9. I had chores to do and so did my Brother. Fact is, at age 9 he was restoring Antique Victrolas and I was training horses... We would sometimes take the horse and ride double down to the creek and go swimming.. or take the horse and go try to catch Painted turtles (don't ask.. LOL). When my Brother turned age 10 he was cleaning houses and painting and doing yard work for ppl to make extra money.. it wasn't so bad.

Whatever you do, do NOT quit your job. That won't look good at your next job interview. I learned the hard way.. NEVER leave a job without having another one to go to.
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Old 06-26-2007, 05:17 AM
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I used to babysit the neighbor children when I was 10. Walked home alone too. But times were different then and I was very responsible. Depends on whether or not your children are mature enough to be responsible for themselves. There is no right or wrong answer only the one that is best for your situation. I hope you find the answer. Hugs, Marle
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Old 06-26-2007, 05:58 AM
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With working 8 minutes from home, your kids shouls be fine.
If there were an emergency would they know what to do?
If not, take some time and explain what to do in the case of (blank).
I was babysitting very tiny babies at 12 years old, so I'm sure your kids are capable of keeping an eye on themselves.

Not to be harsh, but how you handle the situation you've been put in is none of your AH's business. If he has a problem, he can fork out the cash for a better solution.

Keep in mind though, that quitting your job (because of the kids) or struggling with debts will not get his attention anymore than what you've already tried.

Do what you need to do for you and the kids, and tell everyone that throws in an outside opinion to go pound salt.
(((Hugs))))
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Old 06-26-2007, 06:21 AM
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Ok... my perspective is based on my own experience... take it with a grain of salt.

I was put in charge of my 2 siblings when I was eleven. The crazy things we did, mom still doesn't know about. We did dangerous stuff with cars, trucks and farm equipment (country kids)... but had we lived in town? We would have done dangerous stuff with neighborhood kids.

I vote no on leaving 2 kids home alone together.

Perhaps you can find a daycare that will allow one or the other to help out? My daughter's daycare did this for girls when they got to be 9 or 10... they got a small wage - a couple dollars an hour, and were put in charge of helping with crafts and stuff. It helped the daycare provider, and gave the girls self-esteem... but it was all done under the supervision of responsible adults.

The YMCA in our town has some excellent summer programs for kids... maybe you could stop by and talk to them about options available for your kids.

Camp sounds great, to me. Both my kids went every year and it is still the highlight of their memories.

You may have to make some hard choices about the houses. Letting one go may hurt, but if it frees up money & time for you and the kids... you can buy another one later.

Edited to add: I think when I was stressed a lot, I tended to try to keep the "status quo". I don't know, but it sounds a little like that, to me. Trying to maintain "normalcy" by keeping everything you have the same?

The truth is, the status quo is already gone. It may be that you can get out from under one home with a quick (very quick) sale... otherwise, you might have to accept that your lifestyle is already changed and just stop paying that second mortgage (if keeping the 2nd house is important to your AH, he can pay it).


(((hugs)))
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Old 06-26-2007, 07:05 AM
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Hmm.

As a teaching student, I have heard muchos stories of young kids watching their even younger siblings because their moms are single moms working two and three jobs. While during the school year it makes it really hard on these kids, they don't have a choice. But hardly anyone seems to realize that this sort of thing happens all the time in the inner cities or in low income housing, so WHY wouldn't we think it could happen to "us"?

I would say that 12 years old is old enough to babysit. That is the age when I began to babysit neighbor kids. An hour and half is not much time to be alone anyway, and if you have taught your children responsibility along with the important emergency procedures they should be fine. However, I would suggest finding a different babysitter, even if you love the one you have, because $10/hour for babysitting is MORE than I make at my full time job as an adult. I pay my babysitter $25 for a full day, which is still $125 a week, which is comparable to day care.

I have to say as also being a single mom, I would NEVER allow my home to go to forclosure. Doing that would cause me even more stress and cause my son even more stress having to get tossed out of his home and comfort zone. Also it would ruin my credit, making it even more difficult to survive in the harsh world later on. As forclosures are rampant in my state, and having watched a close family member go through one, they are a nightmare. My famiily member is now being sued by the mortgage company TWO YEARS after the forclosure. He is facing bankruptcy and his kids are suffereing for it.

How many of us had moms that worked? How many of us had to stay home alone while our moms worked? I know I did. I know I turned out ok. What is important is that you are still a family and that you still love each other. Kids CAN understand why Mom has to work and your kids are definitely old enough to participate in family discussions and have a say in what is going on too.

Don't quit your job. Your "only" $15 an hour job would save my life right now. Like I said, I make less than $10. And I am lucky to have even that here in my state, where it seems half of everyone is unemployed and without health insurance.

Don't let others pressure you into anything. These are your kids and this is your life and you make the decisions, right or wrong. You are doing the best you can.
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Old 06-26-2007, 07:17 AM
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I am with Bis Sis on this one.

And yes, you can take a leave and get disability.

I am just now learning a few of the things my kids did when on their own. Let's say they were adventuresome and did not have adult judgement.

I was okay by myself at 12. But it didn't happen often. And yes, we would get into some mischief. But the world isn't the same, and your kids have not had the protection from environment that I did.

Last edited by Live; 06-26-2007 at 07:18 AM. Reason: left out a word that changed meaning entirely
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Old 06-26-2007, 07:41 AM
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I have worked as an investigator with CPS and I'm a Police Officer. I also was a single mom for 3 years after my divorce from my AH. In the two states I have worked in (Arkansas and Texas) there is no age for leaving a kid home alone. Generally, 10 years old and up is considered fine. If for some reason the court or dad brings it up they will just want to know that there is a safety plan in place in case of an emergency. Do you have neighbors who they could contact if you couldn't be right home? Do they have a cell or home phone they can use to reach you? Are there rules in place as far as answering the door to strangers or leaving the home without permission?

And, by the way, I have an 11 year old (12 at the end of this month) who stays home every day in the summer at this time. I leave him a list of chores and a writing assignment every morning as I leave. He calls about 5 times a day...but is just fine.
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Old 06-26-2007, 09:03 AM
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I agree with the above posts that say that 10 and 12 are old enough to be involved in discussions about the family unit. I teach, and it seems to almost always be the situaton that when you sit a kid down and say, "listen, I really need your help with this, because this is important. We are in this particular situation..." it makes them feel good that you WANT their help and they are more than eager to do anything you ask when you put it in that light. Your 12 year-old will definitely benefit from gaining the responsibility.

I also agree that they could be given a chore list every day. Heck, if you pay them for their chores, even if it was 2 bucks an hour, you're still saving money over what their sitter makes. And it will teach them the concept of having to work for what they want in life.

Also, I understand what you mean about "only 15 dollars an hour." Yes, that is a decent amount of money, but when your sitter costs ten, it doesn't sound like so much anymore. IMO, get rid of the sitter. If you are still shaky about the girls being home alone, maybe you could look into some of the other day programs, as others have mentioned? Or, do they have a friend whose mom is home during the day? If so, maybe you could make arrangements for the girls to stay with a friend during the day. Just a thought...

As others have said, I wouldn't quit the job if it was me. Could you try to go up for a promotion if you need more money? I guess I just fail to see the benefit of quitting and having NO income versus just trying to improve the current situation.
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Old 06-26-2007, 09:12 AM
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I believe there's no magic age where kids are okay on their own or not...Some are responsible at 10 years old alone...some adults shouldn't be left alone...

You are a mom...a very good mom. I am sure you know your kids well and know their level of maturity...trust your gut...there are so many different opinions on what is "right" and I suspect right changes with every situation.

I do agree the sitter sounds incredibly expensive. Many schools and churches have summer programs that are quite reasonable and fun. Is there a neighbor who might be willing to keep an eye on the kids before camp? I also found, when my daughters' sitter had to take a summer off right after she had twins, that some of the moms' of my children's friends were teachers or bus drivers and had the summer off and they were more than willing to make a little spending money babysitting.


Hugs...you'll be fine...One step at a time, trusting yourself and your higher power.
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Old 06-26-2007, 11:45 AM
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After reading your other post I just wanted to add that keeping your job is of the utmost importance because that way you can prove you can provide for your kids in a custody battle. NOT having a job will make it seem like you cannot provide basic neccesities like shelter and food and make gaining custody harder.
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Old 06-26-2007, 02:12 PM
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DW,
In NJ I know that you are entitled to alimony. I was married for 15 years and will receive it for the rest of my life. I did not work while I was married but I can now and it does not effect the amount of alimony I receive.
When you go to court try to see about maintance payments, talk to your lawyer about it now, and also about child support payments. He should be paying this already, make the motion ASAP for both. It will help with all the bills and let you stay in the house for now. Make sure you include all the bills, credit cards also, and expenses for the children's camps etc this summer.
I hope your lawyer has already spoken to you about this. If you husband calls DO NOT ANSWER the phone, and don't let your daughters either. If you are going to see your doctor about going on disability once you have the form from the doctor and go to work with it LEAVE the house until Monday morning. Go stay with a family member if you can.
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