Confused
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Great Lakes
Posts: 2
Confused
My husband of 22 years just informed me he is a Vicadin addict(10 pills a day) for the last 2 years. My head is spining and I can't seem to focus on anything else. Where to I go for help?? I can't discuss with ANYONE...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: SC
Posts: 1,027
Welcome Judy-
My husband is an addict as well. His DOC is also pills, xanax to be specific. For help for you, here is a good place to start and so is Naranon (or alanon) for face to face interactions with people who are dealing with the same things.
As for help for him, well, that's up to him. He'll figure that out when he's ready to stop. I'm not saying don't be supportive but we have to allow them to figure their recovery out, we can't do it for them. I had a list of rehabs and NA meetings that I have to my husband but it was up to him to call them and set them up.
I had to make boundaries to protect myself. Addiction is progressive. The first thing I did was to make sure I was financially and physically safe. My boundaries were that I wouldn't allow it in my house, not to bother coming home if he used etc. They had to be boundaries that I would stick with, otherwise they were useless. Empty threats and useless ultimatims hurt no one but me.
A good book to pick up and read is Codependent No More by Melody Beatty. Its very insightful for the codependent person.
I'm sorry you have a reason to be here but welcome to SR.
My husband is an addict as well. His DOC is also pills, xanax to be specific. For help for you, here is a good place to start and so is Naranon (or alanon) for face to face interactions with people who are dealing with the same things.
As for help for him, well, that's up to him. He'll figure that out when he's ready to stop. I'm not saying don't be supportive but we have to allow them to figure their recovery out, we can't do it for them. I had a list of rehabs and NA meetings that I have to my husband but it was up to him to call them and set them up.
I had to make boundaries to protect myself. Addiction is progressive. The first thing I did was to make sure I was financially and physically safe. My boundaries were that I wouldn't allow it in my house, not to bother coming home if he used etc. They had to be boundaries that I would stick with, otherwise they were useless. Empty threats and useless ultimatims hurt no one but me.
A good book to pick up and read is Codependent No More by Melody Beatty. Its very insightful for the codependent person.
I'm sorry you have a reason to be here but welcome to SR.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
nice to meet you, judy. my daughter is an alcoholic/addict. alanon and private counseling really help me. take care of yourself and remember this about the addiction -
you didn't cause it
you can't cure it
you cannot control it
you do have choices, though, as to how you allow it to affect your life.
blessings, k
you didn't cause it
you can't cure it
you cannot control it
you do have choices, though, as to how you allow it to affect your life.
blessings, k
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome to S.R. judy.there is alot of infor. here & we all have the same problem.the addict in our life. mine is my son. pull up a chair,read all the post & especially the stickys at the top of the forum,"what addicts do". it will not get any better.there are face to face meetings for people like us.find one in your city,they help alot.i am sorry about all of this.you are not alone.keep coming back & let us know how u r.there is nothing u can do for your husband.you did not CAUSE it,you can not CONTROL it, & you can not CURE it.prayers for you both,hope
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Welcome Judy,
If help for you is what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
You are not alone. As sad as that may be, there's comfort in it as well, in that you can spend sometime reading around and replacing some of the thoughts in your head with positive options for you.
As far a your hubby, there's help out there for him too, if he's willing to take the first steps.
Stick around...we're glad to have you
I'll keep the both of you in my prayers
((((Hugs))))
Cece
If help for you is what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
You are not alone. As sad as that may be, there's comfort in it as well, in that you can spend sometime reading around and replacing some of the thoughts in your head with positive options for you.
As far a your hubby, there's help out there for him too, if he's willing to take the first steps.
Stick around...we're glad to have you
I'll keep the both of you in my prayers
((((Hugs))))
Cece
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Welcome Judy,
Here you will find such love, acceptance and great support in dealing with these type of struggles. Attending meetings, reading recovery literature and reaching out for help has given me the strength to take care of me and let my loved ones that suffer from the disease of addiction walk their own path. Doesn't always make it hurt less, but it always helps to have the friends here to lean on for support.
Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita
Here you will find such love, acceptance and great support in dealing with these type of struggles. Attending meetings, reading recovery literature and reaching out for help has given me the strength to take care of me and let my loved ones that suffer from the disease of addiction walk their own path. Doesn't always make it hurt less, but it always helps to have the friends here to lean on for support.
Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita
Starry Girl
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Starry Night
Posts: 251
Hi and Welcome,
I'm sorry you are facing this. It is truly mind boggling when you find out. My AH (addict husband) and I are currently separated and he is in rehab for the third time. He started with an addiction to Vicodin and progressed later to heroin and coke. Addiction IS a progressive disease and destructive to families.
I know your mind is swimming right now but you only have to get through one minute, one day at a time. Others have made good suggestions ie. Alanon meetings (SUCH a lifesaver, SERIOUSLY), Co-Dependant No More and read the stickies at the top of this forum.
Please realize that we all understand what you are going through and the various feelings you are experiencing. Keep posting with any questions/thoughts and we will be here for you.
Hugs!
I'm sorry you are facing this. It is truly mind boggling when you find out. My AH (addict husband) and I are currently separated and he is in rehab for the third time. He started with an addiction to Vicodin and progressed later to heroin and coke. Addiction IS a progressive disease and destructive to families.
I know your mind is swimming right now but you only have to get through one minute, one day at a time. Others have made good suggestions ie. Alanon meetings (SUCH a lifesaver, SERIOUSLY), Co-Dependant No More and read the stickies at the top of this forum.
Please realize that we all understand what you are going through and the various feelings you are experiencing. Keep posting with any questions/thoughts and we will be here for you.
Hugs!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Pa
Posts: 10
I'm sorry, it is such a hard thing to find out that yourspouse is addicted. My husband has been addicted to cocaine and crack. It's best to talk to others, and educate yourself about the disease. I wish I would have done it sooner before we became so poor. Above all take care of yourself, my prayers go out to you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: VA
Posts: 90
Judy, I join the other members of this forum to welcome you. I wish none of us needed SR, but I am glad it is here to help us through our crazies. I ditto the recommendations suggested in the previous posts including meetings, counseling, and reading to become informed and find inspiration.
G
G
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Great Lakes
Posts: 2
Thank you all so much for your posts. I've never gone through anything like this. My husband started is own business about 2 years ago and its just starting to really come together for us(so I thought)and then he told me about his problem. We have 3 kids(2 in college) all living at home that don't have any idea what is going on. I want to make sure that I'm financially OK but am concerned at this point I'm worried about my own job...for the last 2 weeks I don't really think I've had my head in the game and am concerned about losing my own job. I feel like I've been cheated on. I cry ALL the time...I can't look at him, I can't talk to anyone, I'm depressed and everyone can tell that something is wrong because I'm extremely cranky. How do I found a NA meeting in my area before I lose my mind??
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I found meeting locations by searching on line. It took me awhile to find the right group, but I found a wonderful bunch, and, although my ex-abf is out of my life (tossed him out about a year ago) I still attend the meetings, as, I am still dealing with my Mom, she has been an alcoholic for over 60 years. I went to all different ones, AA, NA and CA, what was most important to me was finding the right group, to me, their doctrines were basically all the same.
I understand your feeling of being cheated on, I felt the same way, he, my ex had a mistress, her name was Cocaine. I hated her.
All I know is that you need to get some one to one support, and meetings are a great resource
Formulate a plan, seek out the support you need, with a direction and a plan, you will begin to feel better.
I understand your feeling of being cheated on, I felt the same way, he, my ex had a mistress, her name was Cocaine. I hated her.
All I know is that you need to get some one to one support, and meetings are a great resource
Formulate a plan, seek out the support you need, with a direction and a plan, you will begin to feel better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Posts: 585
HI Judy and welcome to SR. I know exactly how scared, confused and probably mad you are about what you just found out. It happened to me almost the same exact way with my husband except his addiction is to ANY opiate; his DOC is heroin. Fortunately he is currently clean.
Unfortunately, opiate addiction is one of the most serious addictions there is and the hardest to kick because it actually changes the receptors in the brain....sometimes forever. (BTW I am not trying to downplay other addictions for those of you dealing with meth and crack addicts)
I hope your husband gets help soon; it sounds like he might be ready since he confessed to you. You will need help too: therapy, maybe some meetings in a support group in your area.
Here is a ((((BIG HUG)))) and hope that you'll stay with us. There are a lot of good people here.
Unfortunately, opiate addiction is one of the most serious addictions there is and the hardest to kick because it actually changes the receptors in the brain....sometimes forever. (BTW I am not trying to downplay other addictions for those of you dealing with meth and crack addicts)
I hope your husband gets help soon; it sounds like he might be ready since he confessed to you. You will need help too: therapy, maybe some meetings in a support group in your area.
Here is a ((((BIG HUG)))) and hope that you'll stay with us. There are a lot of good people here.
Last edited by tropikgal2; 06-25-2007 at 07:04 PM. Reason: typo
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Hi Judy...Welcome. I too know the feeling of total confusion...being taken totally by surprise...this just doesn't happen in my well planned, typical life...I thought addiction was something that impacts unknown people far from my little Mayberry type town, not my sweet, smart and beautiful daughter...Unfortunately, addiction does not discriminate against anyone and many of us here, me included, felt that horrible sense of disbelief and being detached from reality when we found out a loved one was addicted.
I found Naranon meetings and posting here to be the two biggest things that saved my sanity and got me on a better path. If there are no Naranon groups around you try Alanon. A quick Google will bring you to their websites and most have meeting lists or contact numbers posted. Hugs and prayers for both of you.
I found Naranon meetings and posting here to be the two biggest things that saved my sanity and got me on a better path. If there are no Naranon groups around you try Alanon. A quick Google will bring you to their websites and most have meeting lists or contact numbers posted. Hugs and prayers for both of you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 15
Hi, It is so amazing to read your post,I could have wrote that!I to was so shocked finding out about my husbands drus use.The money is gone ,the buisness is gone,home is mortgage to the max and late with payment,water is getting shut off.And yet I love him with every beat of my heart.So I will Try to come up with money to pay bills and try to take care of my kids and myself and love him and pray he gets clean.Good luck,it is the hardest road I have ever traveled on.
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