drainedwife

i found a hand written note my ah written me sometime last year when he was still abusing oxycontin.
It said that he was using it to get ahead at work..to help him not be embarrased to talk to his boss, or to be able to supervise others...it helped him feel like he could accomplish aything, and for a while it worked...he found the magic pill that told him he was great...and he was not harming anyone, only himself..he was sacrifincing his own health to get ahead and to support his family and give us the best....then the same pill that told him this also would ruin him...he knew he had to stop but if he did, how would he be able to pay the bills? he would be sick and not be able to function...
so he had tried to quit on his own a few times i believe and then when i no longer kept my feelings hidden about his drug use, he detoxed at home...he was sick as a dog...but he did it....but it didnt last long..he felt ill and had to take small dosage to be able to work...i found out and go him to see an addicion dr who gave him suboxone and finally he was off of the oxycontin. soon after he started using coke because again he claimed the effects of the oxycontin and the witdrawl symptoms made it impossible to do the kind of work that he does..he felt too sick....and it was a stimulant that gave him relief from his severe depression.

just wanted to know your thoughts on this....reading it makes me feel like maybe there is some mental illness going on because even if someone cant deal with the pressures of their job, what would make someone who has a wife and 2kids...who was in his 30's at the time, even think to turn to drugs especially something like oxycontin to solve their problems....who would think its okay to sacrafice their health to make more money and become successful and to make it easier to talk to your boss and your subordinates?? he said he would block out the negatives and just concentrate on the fact that the promotions, bonuses, raises were all coming in.

its just so sad if this is really how his thinking worked....

best

Denial

calabash

Mmmmm..... Sounds a bit like me. I was in my mid thirties, quite a succesful bussiness owner, 2 kids, etc. Thge more succesful I was, and the more I was perceived as a "success" by society, the more I felt like a fraud. I used cocaine at work, I believed it gave me an edge to be morte focussed, creative and enrgised. Perhaps that was the case in the very beginning. Eventually I became midly psychotic, irrational, freaking out etc.

It was once I got clean, and started working on myself through the steps, that I realised this deep feeling of not being good enough. It was weird for me the more succesful I became, the more fraudulent I felt. Its like I wanted to crash in a way.

My addiction was rooted in my feeling of inadequacy.

Today, I know that I am enough.

dollydo

The brain on drugs, it just doesn't work properly.

tropikgal2

Addicts go through what is called chemically-induced psychosis. They ARE mentally ill because the drugs make their brain that way.
I am not trying to be harsh here, but ya know, A LOT of people in his world have A LOT of pressure and dont' abuse drugs or alcohol (or food, sex, or credit cards for that matter) to deal with their problems. That's a cop-out. And unfortunately once someone starts taking drugs (especially physically addictive drugs) to relieve the stress, they become caught in the throes of addiction that makes it impossible to function without the drugs. They can't even THINK anymore.
The only way to get clean....is to get clean.
Addicts often use that old refrain "I'm bi-polar, I'm depressed, I have anxiety, quack quack quack" To make excuses for their drug use. Of course you have all that, dummy (talking to the addict)!! You are taking DRUGS that MAKE YOU THAT WAY!!!

BigSis

Sounds like addictive thinking, to me. Crazy.


At least they can get sober.


WE... the ones who stick with them, enable them, control them, manipulate them, plead with them, make deals with them... we don't get better even if they DO get sober.

So who is the mentally ill one?

My life and mental and emotional health have improved 100% since I started attending Alanon. And when I started, I didn't even know I was sick.

((hugs))

cinderellawkids

As crazy as it is, I know first hand when your brain has a lack of dopamine, one can function better on something. For me I function better on hydrocodone, but I also now how awful it feels when suddenly that is gone.

He's in denial and he's destroying himself, but obviously theres an underlying chemical imbalance at the root, and prescribed medication for that can help, if he wanted it and allowed it to. Problem is most of them are in sooo much denial that they still think its a choice

ncdeac

It sounds to me even then like he was trying to justify his drug use. It's like he was saying he wasn't doing it for him but for his family, so they could have a better life. Just sounds like excuses to me.

parentrecovers

i think they call this "stinkin' thinkin'"..

blessings, k

Nitelite

Yep, he sounds nuts, and yep, he probably made himself that way. Addicts don't get that their brain is not a rubber band, it doesn't simply snap back once the high is gone. Oxy and coke give powerful highs because they do powerful things.
My son came back from a coke binge several months ago telling me men in white vans were following him. That was three days after he had stopped using.
He doesn't think that way anymore. But that gives you an idea of the distortion from drugs...
~ nitelite

duet_4-8

IMHO, he was making excuses and denying the obvious. He most likely BELIEVED everything he said, too, whether from chemical changes in his brain or whatever. That's what makes the whole addiction thing so hard to deal with.

After I filed for divorce from my ex, he told lots of people all sorts of nutty things about his drug use, about how it was all my fault for this or that reason...and lots of people had a hard time NOT believing him. He completely made up some stuff, but he was so dang CONVINCING when he said it. My own kids told me that if they didn't know the real truth of the matter, they would have thought he was being totally honest. My pastor, who has a sister that is a meth addict, explained to me that the reason he sounded so convincing is because he honestly believed he was telling the truth.

Mental illness? Absolutely! But the question remains: which came first, the drugs or the mental illness? I used to try to figure that one out, too, but I finally decided that it just doesn't matter. It just is what it is and I am powerless to change it.

Pick-a-name

Yes; drug-induced!

drainedwife

well, that is what i was discussing with my therapist..which came first and she thinks it is the mental illness because what causes a successful man in his 30's with a supportive wife and 2 healthy kids to use in the first place....??

there has to be something wrong there.....i know he used in his teens and early 20's after that, i dont think so or very infrequent with friends recreationally... i really dont know....maybe what he did in his teens and early 20's caused some brain damage...and when the stress at his work got too much he resorted back to his old friend....who knows....and i guess it doesnt matter, does it??? but it is all addictive thinking....(anyone read that book, addictive thinking..its pretty good).

calabash

Correct, it does not matter. But while he continues to use it will get worse.

The biggerst challenge for me in staying clean is that I have to leasrn how to cope with clients, family, uncomfortable situations.... life, without using. These asre just excuses. Most people develop ways of coping. I am like a 17 year old in a 35 year olds body. I stopped developing when I picked up.

Thank God for the 12 step progrtamme. A programme for living life on Lifes terms.

hillbilly35

I agree with most of the people here. He got addicted to oc"s and then went to cocaine. He will probably go back to opiates or go on to some other drug.Thats what addicts do. We cover up our problems with any mind or mood altering substance. Trouble is we cant handle whatever problem we are trying to fix when our mind is screwed up on drugs. Most find out we cant handle drugs period. That is we cant use sucssesfully. Not a mental illness but a disease called addiction.

marle

My daughter was bulimic before she started using oxycontin. Because bulimia messes up the dopamine in your brain, a lot of bulimics will use drugs. My daughter was diagnosed as clinically depressed and was in therapy for her eating disorders when a friend at work gave her oxy to try. She told me the same thing. It made her feel great about herself. (probably the dopamine connection) It eventually turned on her when she became a full fledged addict. She now uses heroin because it is cheaper and easier to find. So many addicts do self-medicate to cover up other problems but it is still their responsibility to get help. Hugs, Marle