Language of Letting Go - June 24
Language of Letting Go - June 24
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Detachment
Detachment doesn't come naturally for many of us. But once we realize the value of this recovery principle, we understand how vital detachment is. The following story illustrates how a woman came to understand detachment.
"The first time I practiced detachment was when I let go of my alcoholic husband. He had been drinking for seven years -since I had married him. For that long, I had been denying his alcoholism and trying to make him stop drinking.
"I did outrageous things to make him stop drinking, to make him see the light, to make him realize how much he was hurting me. I really thought I was doing things right by trying to control him.
"One night, I saw things clearly. I realized that my attempts to control him would never solve the problem. I also saw that my life was unmanageable. I couldn't make him do anything he didn't want to do. His alcoholism was controlling me, even though I wasn't drinking.
"I set him free, to do as he chose. The truth is, he did as he pleased anyway. Things changed the night I detached. He could feel it, and so could I. When I set him free, I set myself free to live my own life.
"I've had to practice the principle of detachment many times since then. I've had to detach from unhealthy people and healthy people. It's never failed. Detachment works."
Detachment is a gift. It will be given to us when we're ready for it. When we set the other person free, we are set free.
Today, wherever possible, I will detach in love.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Detachment
Detachment doesn't come naturally for many of us. But once we realize the value of this recovery principle, we understand how vital detachment is. The following story illustrates how a woman came to understand detachment.
"The first time I practiced detachment was when I let go of my alcoholic husband. He had been drinking for seven years -since I had married him. For that long, I had been denying his alcoholism and trying to make him stop drinking.
"I did outrageous things to make him stop drinking, to make him see the light, to make him realize how much he was hurting me. I really thought I was doing things right by trying to control him.
"One night, I saw things clearly. I realized that my attempts to control him would never solve the problem. I also saw that my life was unmanageable. I couldn't make him do anything he didn't want to do. His alcoholism was controlling me, even though I wasn't drinking.
"I set him free, to do as he chose. The truth is, he did as he pleased anyway. Things changed the night I detached. He could feel it, and so could I. When I set him free, I set myself free to live my own life.
"I've had to practice the principle of detachment many times since then. I've had to detach from unhealthy people and healthy people. It's never failed. Detachment works."
Detachment is a gift. It will be given to us when we're ready for it. When we set the other person free, we are set free.
Today, wherever possible, I will detach in love.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Thanks, Ann.
The whole "detachment" thing is difficult to master. I also found that I had to "detach" from me and my old method of doing things as a codie. I had to learn that I could still be "me" and enjoy my life without having to try to control others.
The whole "detachment" thing is difficult to master. I also found that I had to "detach" from me and my old method of doing things as a codie. I had to learn that I could still be "me" and enjoy my life without having to try to control others.
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
Marteen- completely and 100% on point (for me at least) when you say detachment is difficult to master- incredibly difficult for me. Because I think as codies we tend to see our own personal identity in relation to another and our own worth as based on how THEY are treating us, detachment occurs when we can actually practice separating ourselves from others and taking back our power.
I also think to a large degree it has to do with trusting ourselves- when we can trust ourselves as being real and our feelings valid we can begin to own our own power.
I also think to a large degree it has to do with trusting ourselves- when we can trust ourselves as being real and our feelings valid we can begin to own our own power.
((peapods))
It sounds to me like you are experiencing a panic attack. Sometimes if they are bad, or keep recurring, you may want to see a doctor. I have a major anxiety disorder, my panic attacks were so bad, I became a recluse in my own home. But to answer your question, I don't know if it will go away for you, but for me, all the meds in the world would only cover them up. When I started practicing detachment, the panic attacks started going away. It was better than a tranqualizer. Letting go of other peoples issues and detaching myself with love, lifted a weight off my shoulders that I didn't even realize I was carrying.
I think there is a forum on here that deals with anxiety attacks. Check that out also.
Hugs and Prayers
B
It sounds to me like you are experiencing a panic attack. Sometimes if they are bad, or keep recurring, you may want to see a doctor. I have a major anxiety disorder, my panic attacks were so bad, I became a recluse in my own home. But to answer your question, I don't know if it will go away for you, but for me, all the meds in the world would only cover them up. When I started practicing detachment, the panic attacks started going away. It was better than a tranqualizer. Letting go of other peoples issues and detaching myself with love, lifted a weight off my shoulders that I didn't even realize I was carrying.
I think there is a forum on here that deals with anxiety attacks. Check that out also.
Hugs and Prayers
B
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