As Got Arrested Again(i Need Advice)

Old 06-23-2007, 09:54 AM
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As Got Arrested Again(i Need Advice)

This Will Be A Long One. As Called Yesterday. His 15 Year Old Agf Was Taken Into Custody By Dhs. Her Mother Called As And Asked Him To Meet Her At Sheriff's Dept. To Get Agf's Clothes. As And Agf Had Been Living In His Truck. So He Meets Mother And The Sheriff Arrests Him And The Mother. His Charge Was Contributing To The Delinquency Of A Minor, I Don't Know What Mothers Charge Was. As Calls Me To Get Him Out, The Last Time I Would'nt I Left Him In For 10 Days. This Time He Tells Me If I Get Him Out He Will Go To A Oxford/halfway House. This Is The First Time Ive Ever Heard Him Say This. That Has Always Been My Only Offer To Help Him To Pay For The 1st Month In An Oxford House. He Has Always Refused Until Now. He's Really Convinced That Agf Is Gone. She Has Always Been A Large Part Of Our/his Problem. So I Let Him Out. Maybe Its A Mistake, I Don't Know. My Question For You Guys Is, Do I Let Him Stay With Me Until He Can Get In A Oxford/halfway House. The Only Thing Different This Time Is Theirs No Agf To Run To. Any Suggestions
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Old 06-23-2007, 10:00 AM
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Hope this works out for you, possibly he should have stayed where he was, and figure this out for himself. He can go to the Salavation Army until HE lines himself up with the Oxford House.

I wish you the best,
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Old 06-23-2007, 10:18 AM
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Since my daughter has yet to be arrested, I can't say if what you did was right or wrong. But I will share with you what happened when I thought that my daughter's first abf was the problem. When he left her she found another abf who was worse than the first. Lesson I learned was that my daughter was an addict and it did not matter who she was with. She wants to do drugs and will find a way no matter who she is with. I hope that your son takes this opportunity to do the right thing. If he would have stayed in jail, the courts could have decided his fate. I know that the one place crack addicts don't like to be is in jail. Can't get their crack. I will say a prayer that your son goes to a sober living environment. If he doesn't and this was just a ruse to get out of jail quickly, then you will learn that the next time you need to leave him there. Hugs, Marle
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Old 06-23-2007, 10:32 AM
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the girl can't help it
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I would like to suggest you take very good care of you.....
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Old 06-23-2007, 11:27 AM
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What everyone else said. Hope it works. Don't be too shocked if it does not.

Be sure to keep your money and your valuables safe. Be careful. Take care of you.
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Old 06-23-2007, 12:04 PM
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Hope he follows through on what he says. If he does stay with you be sure you have checks books an other valuables locked up, we learned our lesson with AD, better safe than sorry.
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Old 06-23-2007, 12:20 PM
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The one and only time I bailed my son out of jail, he promised to do anything I wanted, to be respectful and to sign a waiting list to go to rehab.

That promise lasted exactly two hours.

I hope you make out better than that, or at least are better prepared for the possibility than I was.

Hugs and prayers for both of you.
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Old 06-23-2007, 01:06 PM
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Ann, I Know This May Not Be The Right Decision, I Am Truly Experimenting. I Will Also Admit That My Expectations Are Not Very High, As I Have Been Burnt Many Times Before. The Last Time I Left Him In Jail And That Didnt Work Well Either. So Who Knows What To Do. Im Just Doing What I Can For Today. Maybe This Will Be His Time, Probably Not. Ill Pray
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Old 06-23-2007, 01:19 PM
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Hang in there, I left my son in jail for two days and he acted like it didn't affect him....until the next time when he was almost arrested. I thought he would pee his pants. You did what you did, and now it's not time to live in regret. Deal with the present. Hope he goes and takes it seriously.
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Old 06-23-2007, 01:50 PM
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I'm sure my decision to bring my as home instead of him going right to a halfway house was probably not the right thing to do either, but I like you, decided to give it one last shot. I would probably not have felt right unless I gave him another chance. I could still get burned, but that was the chance I am willing to take. Who knows if you did the right thing, but like you said, you did what you thought was right and if your comfortable with that decision, than go with it and know that there might not be a next time. I pray that your as is serious this time and if he is, then you made the right choice. Like everyone said above, just hide your valuables and check books. Even when my as wasn't home, I was still hiding everything and I still do.

You never know. Good luck and keep us posted.
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Old 06-23-2007, 04:10 PM
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Don't get undies in a bunch
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Originally Posted by laketime View Post
She Has Always Been A Large Part Of Our/his Problem.
This yells at me and I hope you take what I say with the intent love.

Blaming her is a denial on both your parts. His actions bring His problems.

If I am walking down the road and trip over a isn't the rock's fault for being there. Though the girl may have brought struggles or trouble into your life... how much of it did you allow by not settting boundaries and how much of it was caused by your son's drug use? His problem is ...His use of drugs and the actions that go along with it.
If there was any sex going on between him and her and she tells the courts... your son may not have many choices on what he can or can't do next. For his own sake...I hope he is serious about his choice to get into a rehab.
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Old 06-23-2007, 06:51 PM
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There are halfway houses all over w/ immediate openings,especially to those who have the cash. If the Oxford house is full, get on the internet and find one w/ an opening tonight!

I too blamed all the friends, etc. but have to agree, we can't blame everyone else. Our kids are their own worst enemy.

I hope he gets into one quickly, or a detox center! That would buy you 3-7 days!
Your in my prayers, your son too. He is lucky to have you for a father.
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Old 06-23-2007, 07:23 PM
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get it, give it, grow in it
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He just may follow through and get himself into Oxford House. Faith and Hope. There is no manual for how to be with our addict adult children, we just do in the moment what we think is best. I try to live with no regrets, just live + learn. My son promised me twice that he'd go to treatment and both times he went. This may go as you hope, that's what I think. I have two friends whose kids are in treatment only because they were facing jail time...that seems to be the best motivater.
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Old 06-23-2007, 07:39 PM
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Laketime, at this point follow the deal through, if he doesnt stick up to his part, you'll know for the next time. Its all trial error and learning experiences
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Old 06-24-2007, 12:41 PM
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Hi Laketime

Sorry to hear yet another Mom suffering because of an addicted child.

I know how much it hurts to see your child in jail, but I also know that they will promise you everything in the world to get out too!

I hope your taking him out works for you because it sure never did for me!

You mentioned in your latter post that leaving him in jail didn't work either? How so? I know my son manages quite well except for the thread count on the pillow cases!

Just remember we all do what we have to do, and we all learn in time that the best thing we can do for our addicted love ones is to LET GO!

Oh, incidentally, I HAD been doing for probably 30 years now! Ask me how far I have progressed!!

Good luck
Hugs, Devastated
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Old 06-24-2007, 01:01 PM
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let it grow!
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treatment asap - while he's still willing to go. it's tough, i know. blessings, k
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Old 06-24-2007, 05:45 PM
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On a tear
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Both mine came home before Oxford House... Sis used, son did not.

Son stayed in Oxford for 18 months...did very well.

Sis got kicked out after about 6 weeks.

Today, Sis has 2 years (plus!) clean with a baby and one on the way.

Today, Son has decided to do a little more experimentation with drinking and using.

I guess what I am saying is that their path is their path... do what you can live with.

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Old 06-25-2007, 11:09 AM
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Its certainly not easy is it..............seems like we're dammed when we do and we're dammed when we don't!!!
MY AS has ben in & out of jail more times than I care to count over the last 6 years. Whether we helped him or not didn't make any difference. So don't beat yourself up over it.............................I sure hope and pray its his time. If it isn't you'll know soon enough. Protect yourself as everyone else has told you. Lock up your ckbk & any valuables. Better safe than sorry.
Hugs from one mom to another,
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Old 06-25-2007, 12:24 PM
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Such a tough path they walk and somedays it feels like every step they take is across our hearts.

Hope that you are doing ok. Be good to yourself & hope that Mrs. Lake is taking care of herself also.

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Old 06-25-2007, 12:38 PM
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don't beat yourself up. you did what u did. i think i would have left him there until i had found a place open.lots of places will not take you if you have a court date. i hope this is not true for your son.i hopehe follows thru & if not you can always go off his bond.saying prayers for you both.
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