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kicked out my 17 year old....

Old 06-20-2007, 04:33 PM
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krhea75
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kicked out my 17 year old....

Well, today he was supposed to go back to rehab for a 3 week refresher after having been there for 3 months. Since he has been home he has stolen money, drank, smoked weed, stolen my car and driven without a license, spent 2 days in jail, and left in the middle of the night, breaking his curfew. I begged to get him back into rehab and they set it up. Now he refused. So I told him kindly and firmly that if he wouldn't go to rehab, he couldn't stay in my house. I love him too much to let him continue with his self-destructive behavior. This is my house and I won't live like that anymore. So he hugged me and left. It was all very calm, which is strange, but I prayed so hard before hand that god would help me and he did. I just feel so sad right now.

He called me once already and said maybe he would talk to his counselor tomorrow. I know that it will be hard tonight after he gets off work. he'll call and want to come home. What if he promises to go to rehab tomorrow.Should I let him come home or am I falling for his line. My heart is beating so fast now. It's funny, I was firm and strong while he was here. Now I am a mess.I have been reading the posts on detachment to bolster myself up. Also, I'm wondering about the responsibility of a mom to her minor. Is my kicking him out causing him to break his curfew. (Notice howI try to take responsibility for everything.)

I've been reading posts again today, and I am so touched by the compassion you all show towards each other. Thanks again for letting me be a part of it.
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Old 06-20-2007, 04:38 PM
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let it grow!
 
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oh, i'm so sorry. do you have a counselor or alanon member or someone you can call? i'm not too sure about the details with a minor, as my daughter is not one.

but you sent a very powerful message. and you should be proud of yourself for that.

i have been following your story from the beginning, i know how hard you have worked to help your son.

blessings, you're a good mom. k
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Old 06-20-2007, 04:49 PM
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Wow ...

Now I know personally how hard that is and how much courage and strength it takes to actually follow through... Im proud that you stood your ground.

I dont know about the legal either... My daughter went to her Aunts and Uncles when she moved out (she is back, grass was not greener) and it was a safe place.

Maybe you should get together with a friend and get out of the house for dinner and a movie tonight...it will keep you from staring at the phone and being so nervous.

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Old 06-20-2007, 04:53 PM
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get it, give it, grow in it
 
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If he promises to go to rehab tomorrow I would let him come home. He called once which shows that he is trying to stay connected. I know you want so bad to say the right thing and felt inadequate as he walked out that door. Do you have the means to get him in a long term program til he is 18 because 3 weeks won't be enough as he is still very much an addict.There are some great youth programs in Arizona and Utah. Don't give up on him and do everything you can to get between him and the drugs before he turns 18 and you have no parental control.I know this is a tough time and I wish you the best in trying to connect with your son and get him into the treatment he needs.
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Old 06-20-2007, 05:03 PM
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Sending some hugs and prayers your way. You could give him one chance if he does call and make that promise. Addicts are notorious though for not following through on the promises, so you may have to be ready to do it again tomorrow. Such a tough call since he is a minor. Could you maybe call someone in the police department who might have some idea of what your options are in case he does not call to come home. That way you are protected. Hugs, Marle
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Old 06-20-2007, 05:31 PM
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let it grow!
 
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yep, i agree - if he agrees to go tomorrow, let him come home. it's so darn hard. k
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Old 06-20-2007, 05:44 PM
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Sending hugs and prayers your way. So proud of you for taking control of your home. I know how hard that must have been. I agree with above, if calls tonight let him come home if he is going to rehab tomorrow. Good luck tonight. You are doing great. You should be proud of yourself!!!
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Old 06-20-2007, 05:56 PM
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I admire you. Wish I'd done that at 17...might not be doing it in the early 20's!
susan
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Old 06-20-2007, 07:53 PM
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You are doing so well...I think you have really sent him a message. It's okay to adjust your boundaries if you need to (such as you suggested) I know this is so difficult but you're right, God is helping you through it. Hugs and prayers
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Old 06-20-2007, 08:24 PM
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Thanks for all of the input...He did call a bit ago, wanting money because he's hungry. I told him he could come here to eat, but he couldn't stay until he agreed to go to rehab. He hung up mad. sigh....
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Old 06-20-2007, 09:41 PM
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Sending hugs and support. It is so tough when he is only 17. Keep in mind that they are very resourceful people. He will find a way to take care of himself. You are strong and you will get through this. Sometimes we have to do hurtful things to save our children. What you are doing is an act of love. I'm praying for protection for your son and that he have a change of heart about going to rehab.
God bless............Lo
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Old 06-20-2007, 10:18 PM
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Sorry you have to go through this, I'm sure he will find food an shelter an maybe after a few days he'll decide to make that call an get back in rehab.
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Old 06-21-2007, 05:20 AM
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i know this is hard for you. i hope this will be a turning point for the good for him.maybe he will hit his bottom at 17 & he will not still be doing this at 36 like my son.it is heart breaking to watch them destroy their life & it is nothing we can do about it.i am saying a prayer for you & your son.i am so sorry & i hope he will go to rehab for himself & not for you.stay stong.we are here.
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Old 06-21-2007, 05:33 AM
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I know how hard this is for you. I made my son leave my home too and it broke my heart. You are so correct in saying god is looking out for you. He is always looking out for your son. I pray that he will make the call today and get help that he needs.
Keeping you and your son in my prayers,
Hugs to you
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Old 06-21-2007, 06:23 AM
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I also am sorry you are going through this but better now than when they are older. You are doing the right thing by being tough now while he is still a minor.
Hoping & praying your son gets into recovery & stays there.
Love,
Diane
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Old 06-21-2007, 07:18 AM
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((((krhea)))) My thoughts are with you --nitelite
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Old 06-21-2007, 02:20 PM
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my thoughts are with you because my as is similiar. we won't let him come home only to a halfway. he refuses, his choice, i don't know where he is now. great advise above all i can offer is prayers.
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