dixied

friends,

my son is continuing work. he did not blow his first paycheck but only had $20 to give his wife as he had to pay rent, groceries and etc. and he only got paid for the four days of work the first paycheck period.

Someone he works with now gives him a lift to work. He continues his AA meetings not having missed one since his relapse two weeks ago. However, this is the coment made by him that got back to me........he said that he felt that he wasn't even exisitng in this world anymore. That his friends and family were not helping him and he had never felt so alone.

I have not gotten in touch with him since his relapse. That is my decision as I think I do not want to be involved in his life right now. I am saddened by what happened but he did it and he'll have to live with the consequences. He has a job and a roof over his head and is in a safe environment and many are not so lucky.

So my question..........would you be concerned with the coment stated that way? You don't think it's suicidal do you? Or is it reality finally hitting him in the face?
Thanks in advance for any input..........dixie

Elana

He needs to replace his loneliness with recovery work is what it sounds like to me.

caileesnana

I have heard those words and felt your pain. I think sometimes they have to go through the pain to get to the other side. He is safe, working, and recovering. IT takes times. Be proud of him for what he is trying to do, maybe a card or note saying you love him and are proud, but right now feel it better to stay at a distance. I believe they always need to know they are loved.
You're in my prayers,
susan

Nitelite

Dixie, my own 22 yr old son had made statements that are despairing, and I also worried about suicidal thoughts. I take these very seriously- There's been suicide in my family, and while it is terrifying to think so, I am just as helpless over that decision as I am over drinking or drug use.

But the context of what your son is doing is overwhelmingly positive. He is going to meetings, working, arranging a ride to work.

I'm sure he does feel alone and not quite grounded. His world really did blow up, and of course, he lit the fuse. That's a tough one for him to face. Feeling alone and miserable sounds pretty appropriate.


You are so strong in this; I know your son has been helped by your decision.
((((hugs))))

BigSis

Heck -

Your recovery sounds stronger than mine. Good job ((hugs)).

I know I would probably ask him if he had a sponsor and if he talked to his sponsor daily. It would be none of my business, but I know me and I think (today) that is where I would be.

I also think that his lonlieness is not unusual...after all, he has likely changed his entire community. Building a new community takes time.

Also, if he hasn't gone in for a medical checkup - he might want to consider doing so... my daughter struggled for months and months, but finally ended up with antidepressants - which made a WORLD of difference for her.

I wish you well.

((hugs))

parentrecovers

he knows you love him. i might drop him off a note or favorite cookie..just to let him know you're thinking of him? just a thought. you're doing good to stay out of his way. you should be proud. blessings, k

bookmiser

(((((((Dixied)))))))

I agree with the others on this.
Your recovery is shining bright.
Since my son has stopped drinking, but still smoking pot, he's making better decisions about his own life. I think he's finally realizing that he needs to do this work himself and to not expect it from me anymore. It's all about living life on life's terms. I learned that here. lol
Send him a card for support and let God handle the rest.
Your all in my thoughts and prayers.
love,
Linda

MeggieStar

I don't think it sounds suicidal. I think it sounds truthful. It's a hard road after relapse. It is supposed to be.

You are doing what you need to do for you and it sounds like AS respects that. You ARE supporting him, in the way that is best for both of you right now. One day he will understand that.

Hugs!

Lobo

Sometimes I think when they have those kind of feelings it shows that they are thinking with a clear head. It might be hard to face, but if he were using he wouldn't be feeling this kind of pain. I think they have to feel the pain to help them to move forward. I think you are right to be concerned and I would stay in touch from a distance. One thing my daughter always said was that she didn't understand her family turning their backs on her when she needed them the most. She claims that it was worse knowing that her family wasn't there. That does put us in a hard place of damned if you do and damned if you don't. Love him from a distance and let him know that.

Hugs................Lo

dixied

my brother called and said my son has gotten a second job for the week-ends. He said he is going to work in a restaurant because since he had nothing to do on week-ends he thought it best to try and earn some extra money(to give to his wife) and give him a place to be and something to do. Now get this......some of his rational thinking is coming back because he said he knew he could get to eat a good meal there too and it would give him two good meals during the week-end. I was pleased that his was thinkng ahead.....maybe peanut butter and jelly loses its appeal overtime.......thanks for all of the help and support on my recovery. dixie

marle

About a month ago, I explained my feelings to my daughter. She knows I love her, but am not strong enough yet to deal with her. She is still active. But she did tell me the last time she saw me that she felt that she could never overcome all of the things she has done. So I do believe that most addicts feel that way. If you son continues to work the program, you will see a change in him. I have followed a lot of the recovering addicts on the other forums and when they really work it, they become different people. You might drop your son a card and tell him your feelings. Let him know that you are not rejecting him, that you are working on yourself so that you can be a positive influence in his recovery. Hugs, Marle