cinderellawkids

What the heck does everyone want from me?

Having a moment you guys. Last night I was really enjoying my peace. With 3 boys I rarely call anyone, I work, care for the kids, dinner baths ect and pop on the computer a few minutes now and then. Last night at almost 8 RAB called, I didnt answer, didnt want to deal with anyone, course Templeton (my pet rat)was already missing too. So he left a message to call when I got a sec. He called back at 10, I didnt answer either.
My families always only been in my life in spurts, thats it, theres so much drama and negativity I stay away usually, too many of my core issues surround that area. None of us have ever been close, never ever.
A little while ago my cell rang. It was again RAB so I answered quietly and he was like “Hey you never called me back, so I quickly responded Hey, I got your calls this morning and Im at work.” So he said when do you get off, call me then.

Im sitting here dreading getting off, why? Suddenly I feel more smothered by RAB like I used to feel with AH, and while not really in recovery AH is trying harder and respecting my space (or off doing his thing, it doesnt really matter) Is there some force out there saying someone suffocate her now?

Why am I feeling like this?

(My gut says RAB is slipping a lot emotionally and feeling the need to cling to something different for validation, maybe not, I never knew him during the active years, but so many things ring out “addict” in his behavior, the way he speaks.) Or is it just that they all don’t get while Im so distant–how can it be a tough concept that “Hello Im busy with 3 active boys and a fulltime job and no Father helping, that keeps me busy.”

Spiritual Seeker

if he is your Boyfriend, maybe he is just trying to connect, when he calls and all ya have to do is say hello and let him know your're busy. Are you not happy to hear from him?

cinderellawkids

Its my brother (recovering addict brother)

MsPINKAcres

Remember it's ok to say "I'm really busy and don't have time to visit right now, but I appreciate you checking on us".

It's ok to do what is right for you.


Rita

finallyout

cinder, i agree with japic - listen to what he has to say or needs and then explain how busy you are, theres nothing wrong with saying no. i think you're feeling the way you are cuz its natural to want to help people and take care of them especially for us women. but sometimes you just have to stop and take of yourself. rah wanted me to help his alcoholic cousin find an apt cuz hes currently homeless (staying with friends here & there) but i'm like - i need to find us a house, take care of four kids and help with our business, i don't have time to hold his hand and find him an apt. - his cousin got over it and is looking for his own apt now. and i don't feel bad about it either, its just not something i wanted to be involved in.

funkzter

Hi Cinderella,

Sorry to hear so much is going on in your life with on top of it your brother trying to cling on you. Can be either because he finally wants to connect with his adorable sister, either he needs something. In any case, you're the boss, and if you have no time right now to deal with him, tell him so. He can understand, hopefully. You're already very strong with all what's going on around u.

Take care xx
Carine

Mavis

Maybe your feeling smothered because "you" are growing in your recovery ... Maybe you had a sence of what you would really like during that moment, and having nagging calls with "needy" people on the other end was not one of them...

Your recognizing what it is that is changing about ((("you")))

cinderellawkids

Thanks everyone, turned out he just wanted me to know if I needed to talk (which I had 4 weeks earlier) that he was there.

Its still a feeling and alot more me to work on.

After being around most of the weekend I havent heard from Ah again, I know Im growing when someone asks if it bothers me and I shrug thats its just an indication that he's back where he was doing his thing, and Im just happy not to be bothered