What are some myths and realities about control?
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
What are some myths and realities about control?
What are some myths and realities about control?
1. The more I exercise control on others, the more control I'll have in life. Because others are free to accept or reject your control, the resulting dynamic tension between the controlled and controller creates a circumstance in life which is more out of control than you first desired. The more you let go of control over others, the more control you will have over your internal locus of control.
2. I am not controlling people when I am helping them or trying to fix things for them. You are controlling them, however, when you are fixing or helping them and they are not taking personal responsibility and control of their own lives as a result of your assistance.
3. If I manipulate others to do what I want them to do, this is not controlling them. You are exercising them to do what you want because they are not of their own free will deciding to do what it is you want them to do.
4. I am not controlling others if they are unintentionally intimidated by me and go along with what I want them to do. If you are unintentionally placed in an external locus of control position by others, they have put you in a position of power over them. You are in control over them even though you are not aware of this at the time.
5. I should be in control of everything that is important in my life. Unfortunately you are powerless to control most people, places, and things in your life since you can only be fully in control of your internal locus of control and your own thoughts, emotions, and actions.
6. I should hold onto and help the people in my life whom I see are having problems taking care of themselves in acceptable, self-responsible and self-controlling ways. The more you try to hold onto these people, the harder they will pull away or the weaker and more dependent on you they will become. It is better to become emotionally detached from their problems and let them solve them on their own so that they still can relate to you in a free and open way.
7. Other people will condemn me if I become detached from the people close to me. It makes no difference what others think about you. What is important is helping the people in your life to become more self-responsible and self-controlling of their own lives.
8. I should never let go of those things I am trying to control and change because if I do I'd be considered a failure. Your struggle to control and change things outside of your internal locus of control is going to wear you down and possibly break you. You will be healthier, happier, and more in control of your life if you let go of the uncontrollables and unchangeables in your life.
9. If I love someone, I should always be there of them even if they become a little dependent on me for a while. You're a person who could possibly love a person so much that you contribute to that person's inability to become self-responsible and in self-control of life. In reality your love may make the person overdependent on you. Love is learning to let go of the uncontrollable and unchangeable people in your life.
10. When people are helpless, I should step in and take over to help them get on their feet. People might appear helpless to helpless to you but they often have inner reserves of competence, skills, and ability to solve their own problems. If you take over their problems for them, this might disable them from being productive problem solvers and agents for their own change. By always taking over, you encourage their overdependence on you.
11. When things are not going the way they should, I should take control of the situation to make it the way it's supposed to be. You are being irrationally led by your dreams, fantasies, tradition, and promises of how life should be. In your idealism you can become so overcontrolling as to ensure opposite desired reality will occur
12. I should take care of things because they will happen the way they are supposed to. A caretaker works hard at being sure that everything is the way it is supposed to be for everyone. This overcontrolling behavior succeeds in disabling people who are being cared for and then things are never the way they are supposed to be. You never get what you really want when you are overcontrolling.
1. The more I exercise control on others, the more control I'll have in life. Because others are free to accept or reject your control, the resulting dynamic tension between the controlled and controller creates a circumstance in life which is more out of control than you first desired. The more you let go of control over others, the more control you will have over your internal locus of control.
2. I am not controlling people when I am helping them or trying to fix things for them. You are controlling them, however, when you are fixing or helping them and they are not taking personal responsibility and control of their own lives as a result of your assistance.
3. If I manipulate others to do what I want them to do, this is not controlling them. You are exercising them to do what you want because they are not of their own free will deciding to do what it is you want them to do.
4. I am not controlling others if they are unintentionally intimidated by me and go along with what I want them to do. If you are unintentionally placed in an external locus of control position by others, they have put you in a position of power over them. You are in control over them even though you are not aware of this at the time.
5. I should be in control of everything that is important in my life. Unfortunately you are powerless to control most people, places, and things in your life since you can only be fully in control of your internal locus of control and your own thoughts, emotions, and actions.
6. I should hold onto and help the people in my life whom I see are having problems taking care of themselves in acceptable, self-responsible and self-controlling ways. The more you try to hold onto these people, the harder they will pull away or the weaker and more dependent on you they will become. It is better to become emotionally detached from their problems and let them solve them on their own so that they still can relate to you in a free and open way.
7. Other people will condemn me if I become detached from the people close to me. It makes no difference what others think about you. What is important is helping the people in your life to become more self-responsible and self-controlling of their own lives.
8. I should never let go of those things I am trying to control and change because if I do I'd be considered a failure. Your struggle to control and change things outside of your internal locus of control is going to wear you down and possibly break you. You will be healthier, happier, and more in control of your life if you let go of the uncontrollables and unchangeables in your life.
9. If I love someone, I should always be there of them even if they become a little dependent on me for a while. You're a person who could possibly love a person so much that you contribute to that person's inability to become self-responsible and in self-control of life. In reality your love may make the person overdependent on you. Love is learning to let go of the uncontrollable and unchangeable people in your life.
10. When people are helpless, I should step in and take over to help them get on their feet. People might appear helpless to helpless to you but they often have inner reserves of competence, skills, and ability to solve their own problems. If you take over their problems for them, this might disable them from being productive problem solvers and agents for their own change. By always taking over, you encourage their overdependence on you.
11. When things are not going the way they should, I should take control of the situation to make it the way it's supposed to be. You are being irrationally led by your dreams, fantasies, tradition, and promises of how life should be. In your idealism you can become so overcontrolling as to ensure opposite desired reality will occur
12. I should take care of things because they will happen the way they are supposed to. A caretaker works hard at being sure that everything is the way it is supposed to be for everyone. This overcontrolling behavior succeeds in disabling people who are being cared for and then things are never the way they are supposed to be. You never get what you really want when you are overcontrolling.
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
Ha this is so true.
After reading it- I kept thinking to myself- I do these things- the only person I can control is ME- yet I don't because I somehow believe I dont' deserve good things or take charge of my life. So incredibly ironic.
After reading it- I kept thinking to myself- I do these things- the only person I can control is ME- yet I don't because I somehow believe I dont' deserve good things or take charge of my life. So incredibly ironic.
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