krhea75

Hey gang,
I've been away from the site, busy with my AS who has been home from rehab for about 6 weeks. You may remember my story. He was in there for 3 months and completed the program successfully. This was his fourth time in rehab. When he came home, he seemed okay, but things have deteriorated quite rapidly in the last 3 weeks. This past week he was arrested for driving my car in the middle of the night (no license). My ex and I left him in county jail for 2 days, hoping this would wake him up. He came home and 2 days later, I caught him stealing my keys again. I also found a baggy of weed in his pants pocket while he was in jail. He eventually stole that from my safe. I have talked to his counselor at rehab and they are all set to take him back for a few weeks and then send him on to a halfway house for adolescents. the problem is our insurance has maxed out now. the people at the drug treatment center are looking in to getting us some grants. Now my ex thinks it's a waste of money and won't put any money into the rehab if we send him back. Since the arrest we have had some good talks and he has finally admitted to stealing money and using again. He says he can get back on track on his own. We did have aftercare here in town, but it turned out to be less than effective. Any suggestions on what I should do? He is 17 now, maybe I should just let the hard knocks of life keep hitting him until he wakes up. His counselor thinks he needs to come back in and do some more work on himself, but at $500 a day I know I can't afford it without any help. Plus without my ex on board, I feel pretty alone, as usual. It usually is just me anyway. That's why I'm turning to you.l Help me, please.
krhea

Lithloren

(((Krhea)))

Yes, I agree with you.

I cannot remember who posted the post where she ( Mosselips, Marle? ) ran into a woman that had spent all her money trying to help her son and had nothing left. If I remember the story correctly, he still wasn't clean.

We can't help them. Everything we do to help them ends up hurting them.

Hugs,

Lithloren

liesagain

wow thats alot of $$$$$$$$$$$
maybe the can get a grant or what about some of the free places? Have you looked into those?

hope213

krhea, i am so sorry he started using again.it hurts like heck.i.m.o. i would let him fall.i would have never bailed him out of jail.who did this?it is hands off the addict.my a.s. is 36 yrs. old & is still at it. i wish i had know all of this before(recovery) when he was 17,before his d.o.c. turned into crack.i spent $$$$$$$$$$$ on rehabs,bonds,lawyers. i would have never spent a dime.it only gets worse.this is not your sons time. i am sorry but it isn't.my son is waiting court dates now in two different counties. this is also his 3rd strike & he could get life.he drove with out license also, along with other things.your son was getting ready to do it again. let him fall before he does not have any more time.maybe if i had not bailed my a.s. out so much he would have had enough.it is throwing money out the window. it does not help.a rehab will not help till he WANTS to go,then HE will find away. i know how bad you hurt & i am sorry.i am still praying for you & him.

marle

If he continues to do what he is doing, he will end up in jail. Maybe the judge will be the one to decide his future. Maybe jail time, boot camp. You don't have the money and you should not have to surrender your future for something so tenuous, his sobriety. It is so tough because he is still a minor. But at 17 he has the ability to stay in recovery. It is like Hope said, This is not his time. Sorry for your pain. Mom hugs to you, Marle

Louise54

My as has been out of rehab for about 2 weeks. He is still clean, but he says it's hard, has good days and bad and says he never wants to use again, but he still has that monkey on his back. I pray every day that he will be strong enough to resist the temptations, because this is truly his last chance. He is 22 years old, and we told him one more time, and we'll drop him off at rehab, (if we're still covered by insurance also), and that will be it. He's on his own. I can't go through this anymore. It's tough for you, cause your as is still a minor.

I hope everything works out for you and him. I'll will keep you in my prayers.

krhea75

I didn't bail him out of jail, but the judge released him. they considered it a minor offense. It will happen again. I know it. I am trying to be strong, but I feel a little dizzy and surreal right now. I feel like I have done what I can.
krhea

bookmiser

(((((((Krhea))))))))

I'm so sorry for what your dealing with.
Our insurance dropped our son at 18. Now that he's 25, he has no insurance, no medical card, nothing. When he tore ligaments in his leg, he went to the er and now he's paying the hospital 5.00 a month. Said he doesn't care how long it takes to pay it. lol
I'm suprised he's givin' them anything. Heck, I'm suprised he didn't give them a fake name, address, and phone number.
Maybe he is growing up a little. He should be. He'll be 26 in November.
Stay strong. Maybe he could get into an Oxford House? Salvation Army?
Support and mom hugs from me to you tonight,
Linda

lil516

I was so sorry to read your post.....

I wish I had some helpful advice ....my son spiraled in a similar way...(multiple rehabs but somehow managed to avoid jail) and nothing helped until he committed to loooooong term

he has been living in a sober environment for over a year and has changed his life
it was an extreme step to take but as I've learned here "nothing changes if nothing changes"...sad but true

don't lose hope....your son is young
I will keep him (and you) in my prayers

caileesnana

Check w/ your insurance for an Intensive Outpatient Program--IOP. They are usualyy 5-8 hr day/everyday w/ group counseling, individual etc. Most insurance will pay for them as they are much cheaper than in pt rehab. Most do random drug checks also.
praying for you,
susan

parentrecovers

i'm sorry, krhea. i wish i had the answers too. you getting to alanon? blessings, k

BigSis

There are free rehabs, but they aren't fun. They require a lot of commitment and hard work.

Our daughter chose one when we said she could not come home ... she lasted about 4 days.

Not allowing her (she was also 17 at the time) to live with us was the hardest thing we ever did. No one wants to think of their sweet, naive, immature 17 year old living on the street... nor what that might take. But we couldn't take the chaos of active using even one more day.

It was a tough two months. She found folks to crash with and went "shoplifting" with them and got caught at Christmas about a month after she turned 18. A full adult. With full adult charges.

It was scary.

But she ended up in drug court and the STATE paid for a rehab... a yukky, dirty, rundown one. And she got there exactly what she needed. She met someone who motivated her to get and stay clean.

Not the way I would have written the story, but she is still clean today - 2 years later.

There was a time I would have given my right arm for 2 years clean. I learned during this time that HP does have a plan-it may not be exactly what I want. But it does work if I let it. I go to Lots of Alanon meetings to help me with this.


I wish you the best with your son.

hope213

i am really sorry.it is hard when they are so young.it is hard on me with my grandson
(15) knowing i can not make him stop doing the things he does. i love that kid but i have told him if he is not doing the right thing i will not be here for him.his dad has done it for the pass 17 plus yrs & i will not start it with him.i feel as if i sound so cold some times but i can't put my heart,soul & body through that any more.i know little j. knows i love him..my heart goes out to you & i am still praying for you & your son,hope

krhea75

Thanks again for all of your help. I have thought about kicking him out, but i have the same fears as bigsis. Last night i was awakened by a phone call at 12:30--realized my son had left after I went to sleep. This time he didn't take the car. Of course he wouldn't answer the phone. He was riding around with his girlfriend's parents. How's that for good modeling as parents? I called the police and they warned him, but that was all. He begged me not send him back to jail, tears in his eyes the whole bit. After the cop left, he was fine. Still waiting to hear if there will be grant money to send him back to rehab. Should know tomorrow. I had to get up and go to work this morning with only 4 hours of sleep. I am so tired, physically and mentally. For those of you who asked, Ihaven't been to meetings. My town doesn't have any that I can find. I might go to a nearby town, but I find it easier to get on here and vent and read from you all. Thanks again.
krhea

lostparent

Wish there was some way to get through to them, teenagers are hard headed anyway the drugs just make it worse. Hope things get better for him an you.

laketime

I Wish That Your As And Mine Will Find Their Time. I Don't Know How Much Pain They Can Endure. I Offered Mine A Halfway But He Would Rather Be On The Streets I Guess

greeteachday

It's so difficult dealing with the nonstop rollercoaster and still try to earn a living and just get by day to day, isn't it? I'm sorry things headed down hill so quickly. Is there any chance of the adolescent halfway house without rehab? Lots of halfway houses require the kids to work to pay expenses. It sounds like the current situation isn't healthy for you at all...I understand your fears, but truly, with addiction, we are powerless and all the same things can happen in the "safety" of your home as can out on the street. Problem is, the safety of home creates a cozy environment to keep using and not face consequences. I never got to the point where I could say leave, but I did get to the point of saying rehab and a halfway house or you will have to find somewhere else to live. It is all about what we can feel comfortable with. Hugs and prayers.