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Old 06-12-2007, 09:41 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by kj0975 View Post
Please dont feel like we are condeming u for asking us ?'s or wanting answers. Its so hard at first especially when u have been broken down so much u feel weak and worthless and just lost and dont know which way is up. Alot of us have been where u are and some changes didnt happen overnight some of these things take time maybe we are trying to spare u some of the things we went through to learn the lesson that was there to learn.
Very true. We all moved forward to be where we are, but at one time we were not here and many of us were where you are now.

TY for posting this KJ. It is true and I was thinking this when I was driving to work today.
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Old 06-12-2007, 10:58 AM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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I respect everyones opinion but I just would like to say something. The more you tell an abused wife to leave, or make her feel guilty by bringing up her kids the more likely she would stay in the relationship. I believe abuse and addiction is not hand on hand. So now she is dealing with two major issues. She made the first step by coming here and opening up by asking for suggestion, advice and telling her story. Now is the time we need to stand by her, be gentle cause she is very fragile right now and we dont want her to feel like she has no place to go to turn to. She also called a DV counselor thats great and I am proud of her.

I understand when we here about abuse we just want to say get out of there, run, and so on. But are all in different levels in our recovery and we need to meet the person where they are at not where we are at.

DW, I agree with a lot that has been said here and I also don't believe that he was raped in prison. Your husband has physically and mentally abused you for so long. He knows exactly what to say to you to make you feel bad for him.

You need to think about your safety and your kids safety. You need to have a plan just in case you need to leave on a moments notice. Have money put away. And know you are a strong woman and doing what needs to be done and if you can try not to have any contact with him. He probably would twist and turn everything to make you believe him.

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Old 06-12-2007, 11:12 AM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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Thumbs up

Originally Posted by Jewelz View Post


The more you tell an abused wife to leave, or make her feel guilty by bringing up her kids the more likely she would stay in the relationship.

She made the first step by coming here and opening up by asking for suggestion, advice and telling her story. Now is the time we need to stand by her, be gentle cause she is very fragile right now and we dont want her to feel like she has no place to go to turn to.

I understand when we here about abuse we just want to say get out of there, run, and so on. But are all in different levels in our recovery and we need to meet the person where they are at not where we are at.
Jewelz I agree with you 100%.

Also i would like to say to you Drained that I realized now that you are saying that your husband grabbed your neck and didn't squeeze. But I posted that stuff about strangulation anyway because it is the next step after grabbing...

and because I just thought it is information that is important to everyone who happens to read it.

I hope that you are not feeling that you are going to be judged on every thought you post here or on every action you decide on. Or that you have to say anything to please people here. I think if people on the board may come off a little harsh at times... I beleive it is completely because they are very concerned and want you to be happy.

Last edited by raerae6; 06-12-2007 at 11:40 AM.
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Old 06-12-2007, 11:22 AM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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DW, i just wanted to add that i too am thinking about you and keeping you in my prayers. everyone here has offered some really great advice. keep us updated on your appt with the DV counselor, that is a very good first step. I just wanted to add that i too agree that the abuse is a separate issue from the addiction. The addiction is reason enuf to leave, but the abuse is reason enuf for a divorce. my rah used the entire 11 years of our marriage and he honestly Never once hit or pushed me. we rarely even yelled at each other or called names. he simply is not a violent or abusive person, which i can easily see he learned from his father who is a very gentle wonderful man. so yes, the abuse is nothing to take lightly, and from what little i know about domestic violence it will only get worse. protect yourself and your kids first.
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Old 06-12-2007, 02:11 PM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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DW
I am happy you made the appointment. Listen to what they have to say and listen to your lawyer. But do what is best for you and your children right now.
All of us care about you and your safety and that of your childrens. I am sorry if I sounded harsh but I don't like people to abuse others and make them feel worthless. I have been there and understand how you feel. It will take time to build your self esteem up but you can do it.
Please keep us posted on how you are doing, and if I don't talk to you before good luck tomorrow.
Hugs coming your way
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Old 06-12-2007, 08:01 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
Or However You Spell It....
 
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((Drainedwife))

I just wanted to let you know that you're being thought of tonight. I'm proud of you and the stand you are finally taking for yourself. You can do this. I have faith in you sweetie.
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