IN addict love
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 51
IN addict love
JUST DRAWING EVERY WOMEN IN LOVE WITH AN ADDICT A PICTURE.. I FEELL YOUR SORROW AND I LIVE YOUR PAIN GOD BLESS.
TELLING MYSELF EACH TIME "THIS IS THE LAST TIME I AM TAKING HIM BACK, IF HE SMOKES ONE MORE TIME ITS OVER......
LOSSING SLEEP WONDERING WHAT HE IS REPLACING HIS 2AM HABIT WITH NOW THAT HE HAS STOPPED SMOKING
STARTING TO WORRY WHEN HE CALLS ME, IN A BAD MOOD I PRAY AND HOPE HE DOESNT USE THOSE STUPID DRUGS TO NUMB HIMSELF.....
WONDERING HOW LONG WILL IT BE THIS TIME BEFORE HE BREAKS MY HEART AND LIES AGAIN
WHEN HE IS WITH HIS "BUDDIES" THE SAME BUDDIES HE "USE TO" SMOKE WITH,, HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HANG OUT WITH THEM HONEY WHEN YOUR TRYING TO STAY CLEAN?
OF COURSE HE IS NOT GIVING THEM UP FOR ME... HE HAS KNOWN THEM ALL HIS LIFE...
THE HARDEST PART OF ALL ARE THE ENDLESS BROKEN PROMISES, TELLING ME THINGS ONLY IN THE MOMENT AND LATER ON CHANGING HIS MIND.....
AT THE end of the day i want to have hope like he wont be as silly to do that again he loves Me too much
it happens.... he has fallen but he doesnt tell me right away... because i already told him he will lose me....
sooo he holds on to me we share a fairy tale lie,, my bf clean and sober.. buying me gifts, even opening the car door for....
when my guard is DOWN THE TRUTH SNEAKKS in... i find out.... i am hurt sad and angry i break up with him FOR GOOD THIS TIME
only a few wks and then HERE I AM AGAIN.. I CANT HELP BUT ASK MYSELF WHO IS THE ADDICT HERE
TELLING MYSELF EACH TIME "THIS IS THE LAST TIME I AM TAKING HIM BACK, IF HE SMOKES ONE MORE TIME ITS OVER......
LOSSING SLEEP WONDERING WHAT HE IS REPLACING HIS 2AM HABIT WITH NOW THAT HE HAS STOPPED SMOKING
STARTING TO WORRY WHEN HE CALLS ME, IN A BAD MOOD I PRAY AND HOPE HE DOESNT USE THOSE STUPID DRUGS TO NUMB HIMSELF.....
WONDERING HOW LONG WILL IT BE THIS TIME BEFORE HE BREAKS MY HEART AND LIES AGAIN
WHEN HE IS WITH HIS "BUDDIES" THE SAME BUDDIES HE "USE TO" SMOKE WITH,, HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HANG OUT WITH THEM HONEY WHEN YOUR TRYING TO STAY CLEAN?
OF COURSE HE IS NOT GIVING THEM UP FOR ME... HE HAS KNOWN THEM ALL HIS LIFE...
THE HARDEST PART OF ALL ARE THE ENDLESS BROKEN PROMISES, TELLING ME THINGS ONLY IN THE MOMENT AND LATER ON CHANGING HIS MIND.....
AT THE end of the day i want to have hope like he wont be as silly to do that again he loves Me too much
it happens.... he has fallen but he doesnt tell me right away... because i already told him he will lose me....
sooo he holds on to me we share a fairy tale lie,, my bf clean and sober.. buying me gifts, even opening the car door for....
when my guard is DOWN THE TRUTH SNEAKKS in... i find out.... i am hurt sad and angry i break up with him FOR GOOD THIS TIME
only a few wks and then HERE I AM AGAIN.. I CANT HELP BUT ASK MYSELF WHO IS THE ADDICT HERE
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: here and now
Posts: 1,291
When I was visiting my exabf in jail, I had to get a cab back one time and I started telling the cabbie my story with the ex...the cabbie was a recovering alcoholic and he said, "who is more addicted? him to drugs, or YOU to him?"
It was like a slap inside my head...I knew it was true!
I went through withdrawls for a while when we parted, but the longer I am away...the better it gets....
It was like a slap inside my head...I knew it was true!
I went through withdrawls for a while when we parted, but the longer I am away...the better it gets....
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 19
Hey Sista,
Welcome to the forum. . .I don't believe we've met though it seems as if you could be my twin on this forum as we have very similar stories. (Though the sad truth is that almost everyone's story here is the same-- pain brought about because of someone's addiction). Like you, I met my xabf at church. Like you, I didn't realize that he was in active addiction, and like you I've tried to appeal to his sense of spirtuality, I've asked him to stop "for us," and I prayed (and still pray) daily for him. I'm fairly new to this, but here's what I've learned so far: He will stop when he's ready and there's nothing that I can do to influence when that happens. Trying to influence his recovery only takes the focus off of me and what's good for me-- right now, he's not. As much as I love him, he cannot reciprocate since he's struggling to love himself.
I love what you say about living a fairy tale, because as I look back (when I focus on me), I realize that his addicition caused me to deal with things that I NEVER would have put up with in any other stage of my life from any other guy. I was living a fairy tale in my thinking that he was the right guy for me and that it was the right moment. The truth has indeed set in for me, and as ugly as it is, I now know that as much as my ex needs help, so do I. It's time for me to focus on me and my recovery. This forum and all of the advice has started me well on my way. I hope it does the same for you!
Welcome to the forum. . .I don't believe we've met though it seems as if you could be my twin on this forum as we have very similar stories. (Though the sad truth is that almost everyone's story here is the same-- pain brought about because of someone's addiction). Like you, I met my xabf at church. Like you, I didn't realize that he was in active addiction, and like you I've tried to appeal to his sense of spirtuality, I've asked him to stop "for us," and I prayed (and still pray) daily for him. I'm fairly new to this, but here's what I've learned so far: He will stop when he's ready and there's nothing that I can do to influence when that happens. Trying to influence his recovery only takes the focus off of me and what's good for me-- right now, he's not. As much as I love him, he cannot reciprocate since he's struggling to love himself.
I love what you say about living a fairy tale, because as I look back (when I focus on me), I realize that his addicition caused me to deal with things that I NEVER would have put up with in any other stage of my life from any other guy. I was living a fairy tale in my thinking that he was the right guy for me and that it was the right moment. The truth has indeed set in for me, and as ugly as it is, I now know that as much as my ex needs help, so do I. It's time for me to focus on me and my recovery. This forum and all of the advice has started me well on my way. I hope it does the same for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 51
Originally Posted by Wascally Wabbit 
Hi Sista,
Have you read the greatest book of all time on codependency? It's called" Codependent no more" by Melanie Beatty.
It is AWESOME.
Have you read the greatest book of all time on codependency? It's called" Codependent no more" by Melanie Beatty.
It is AWESOME.
i am going to get it at my local library they have to send it from another libary but I CANT WAIT TO GET MY HANDS ON IT
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
