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Old 06-10-2007, 07:39 PM
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Need advice asap

Hello all-

I am beside myself right now.
I have never been like THIS before- I am sitting here at my apartment sick to my stomach with worry that abf has overdosed and is dead in his apartment.
I recently found out he is shooting both cocaine and heroin- called "speedballing."

When he called yesterday I did not answer but he left a message that said he'd call me again today. He has not called and I am getting this sick feeling in my stomach that something is wrong.
I really am terrified.
I don't have a car and could not drive over there.
I don't know who else I could call to check on him.
I don't know what I would do if something ended up happening to him and I did not call anyone.

Please I need some advice.
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Old 06-10-2007, 07:45 PM
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hk, i have had many nights just like the one you are having now. i've worried myself into migraines thinking my ah was dead in a ditch somewhere and what a terrible person i must be for not DOING something about it. Truth is, there is NOTHING you can do. he may or may not be ok, if god forbid he is not, then to put it bluntly - he did it to himself. even if you could go and find him, and he was actively using when you did, you KNOW he won't stop just cuz you're there to tell him to stop. the reality is that bad things do sometimes happen to addicts and we are POWERLESS to stop them. You need to let go and let god. You need to say the serenity prayer as many times as you can. And if it helps at all, my ah is still alive and kicking after 17 yrs of using crack and has always been able to take care of himself while he was out using - they are pretty resourceful when they need to be. Time to think positively and put the focus back on you. Keeping you in my prayers always. Stay strong. ((HUGS))
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Old 06-10-2007, 07:53 PM
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If you think he has done something to himself call 911 and have the police sent over there to check things out.
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Old 06-10-2007, 08:05 PM
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i do not know if i am overreacting.
i would not want him to get arrested and if he knew i had called he would never speak to me again.
i cannot stop crying.
i do not know what to do.
Worst of all he does not have a cell phone. (Didn't pay the bill- obviously used it for drugs...)
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Old 06-10-2007, 08:11 PM
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I spent may a days and nights in the shape you are in...the thing is you can't look over them 24hrs. Each time they pick up it is like a game of Russian Roulette. Then they pull crap like tell you they are going to kill themselves purposely.
I spent nights and days driving around searching for him, sometimes I found him sometimes I didn't...and some of the times when I did find him I wish that I hadn't, he was lucky to be alive after I left.

You body can only take so much of the worry, before you get sick yourself.

Rose
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Old 06-10-2007, 08:28 PM
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Originally Posted by HKAngel24 View Post
i do not know if i am overreacting.
i would not want him to get arrested and if he knew i had called he would never speak to me again.
i cannot stop crying.
i do not know what to do.
Worst of all he does not have a cell phone. (Didn't pay the bill- obviously used it for drugs...)
If you are that worried I would do what Loves said, I personally wouldn't care about them speaking to me again right now if I really thought there life was at stake.
I would make the call and be done with it, what more can you do?

And/Or like the others said remember the three C's, and you could go to a meeting.

Are you worried because you just found out he was speedballing? That doesn't necessarily mean the worst.

Take some deep breaths sweetie, don't go down with him, don't let him drag you down with his speed balls....

*Hugs*
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Old 06-10-2007, 08:31 PM
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((HK))

The very best thing you can do is stop for a second and breath. The next best thing you can do, is the hardest. Let it go and give it over to your HP. Let him carry that load. Have faith and trust that there is a reason, a purpose and a plan. All the worry in the world will not change any of it. If you can do that, hand it over to HP, you will feel a peace, a calm even a reassurance. A warmth in your heart and soul that it's going to be all right. After all HP is so much better equiped to handle the stress.

You are damaging your own health with the stress and worry. You are taking years off of your own life right now. Put yourself first. If it makes you feel better, call the sherriffs department and ask them to check on him. If he doesn't ever speak to you again, well maybe it will be his wake up call and the best gift you've ever received. I know you love him. Do you love him enough to let go and let his HP take over?

Sending Hugs and Prayers
B
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Old 06-10-2007, 08:38 PM
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Lovestoomuch is right....I did that while Loves was in Florida and I was in Texas. Of course everything was fine but they still went and checked on her.
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Old 06-10-2007, 08:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Noah812 View Post
Lovestoomuch is right....I did that while Loves was in Florida and I was in Texas. Of course everything was fine but they still went and checked on her.

Wait...........good gosh.........I don't do drugs Heather. It was under a different circumstance but they did come to see if I was ok.

All we are saying, is if you're that worried and beside yourself...........just call. If it's nothing, then great.....but what if its something else? Just do what you can live with and make sure you have no regrets afterwards.
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Old 06-10-2007, 08:45 PM
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Loves is not on drugs I was concerned about her safety...hmmm i have to watch what I type!
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Old 06-10-2007, 09:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Lovestoomuch View Post
Wait...........good gosh.........I don't do drugs Heather. It was under a different circumstance but they did come to see if I was ok.

All we are saying, is if you're that worried and beside yourself...........just call. If it's nothing, then great.....but what if its something else? Just do what you can live with and make sure you have no regrets afterwards.
I was just thinking I didn't know she did drugs. Thanks for clarifying that.
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Old 06-11-2007, 04:18 AM
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So I did not call last night.
I will see if he shows up to work today. We met at work- and his company just transferred him back to the building where I work. I do not know that he will even come- if he even has $ for a train ticket to get to work- or else he may have this girl/drug buddy drive him.
I'm not sure how I will handle that situation today.It will be very painful.
He really needs serious help and it is getting bad. His employer said if he shows up to work high he will get fired on the spot. HE essentially lives and works to support his habit.
Who is this man that I loved for so long and who once took care of me?
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Old 06-11-2007, 04:54 AM
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Heather, I am sorry that you are feeling so worried. I asked my daughter to just text me once in a while to let me know that she is okay. When a month went by with no contact, I texted her. She was okay. I won't do that anymore. If she dies, they will get a hold of me. You can drive yourself crazy with the worry when the addict is probably just high somewhere and not thinking about you. I know that is sad, but they live in a world that is so different from ours. Remember that. Time and caring do not exist there. Hugs, Marle
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Old 06-11-2007, 07:35 AM
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Thank you to everyone.
I am currently at work and feel alot of anxiety.
I need to keep REPEATING the serenity prayer and being concious of detaching.

Abf has been moved back to the building where I work and I will have to see him now. I am nervous if there will be an interaction- if any- but can honestly say if he just doesn't make an effort to speak with me it will hurt very much.

I want to tell him that this is first and foremost my place of employment and to please for once respect me and not have that girl pick him up here.
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Old 06-11-2007, 07:55 AM
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let go and let god, hk. you deserve peace. blessings, k
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Old 06-11-2007, 08:08 AM
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Originally Posted by HKAngel24 View Post
So I did not call last night.

Who is this man that I loved for so long and who once took care of me?

((((Heather))))
Maybe now is the time to work on YOU, get the focus off of him, and on to YOU. Do you attend meetings? Attend and you will actually FEEL, and SEE the difference, it's simply amazing how much better they make us feel, when we're working on us.


It's hard work, but we're worth it!

Hugs,
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Old 06-11-2007, 08:20 AM
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Heather.. I am sorry you are going thru this but I am going to be blunt here:

You are going thru this because you choose to go thru it.

Asking your XABF, and he is sleeping with another woman so he is your EX to not be picked up by "that other woman" is really overstepping your position in this. This is your place of employment first, Be an employee and worry about doing your job, not about your co workers. Your X is a co worker.

You do not own your xabf. You do own yourself and your actioinsand your choices.

You can help him by starting to take care of you. Right now you are staying in a place that is not healthy for you. He is renting way too much space in your head and your heart.

Hyper ventilating and feeling sick over a man who has left you is not helping you.

Go to a meeting. Start your recovery. Do this for you.
Step one: We admitted we were powerless over the drug addict - that our lives had become unmanageable.
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Old 06-11-2007, 08:30 AM
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Heather,

You cannot demand respect from him. You will not get it.
You can only respect yourself, by taking the steps that need to be taken to move away from this madness.

I don't give unsolicited advice often (and if I do, I often feel bad) but here is a piece of advice that could possibly save your sanity if you choose to follow it. If your desire to get sane and have a joy-filled life is TRULY greater than your desire for him to magically get clean and transform himself into the person you still have in your head, then try this:

Go to a bookseller or a place like Abebooks dot com (used) and get a copy of a book called "How to Break Your Addiction to a Person" And follow the steps it outlines to the letter. You can't fake this. You can't wish it away. You can't just talk and post about it. You have to DO it. It's not a perfect book, but it is a physical manual rather than a collection of platitudes and advice. Those tools will not save you right now --- only action will.

Or you have to get used to the tear-filled mornings and the stress and the horror and the self-doubt and prepare to live with it for the rest of your life, which might (if you're lucky) last another 30-40 years at most. The physical stress of this madness is killing the cells of your body even as we speak. But that's your decision, your choice.

Only you can save yourself right now. We can keep posting "chin up! have faith! focus on you! depend on your HP!" until we're all blue in the face, but only action will make the pain stop. You can't keep paddling in the water, saying "I'm drowning!" while the life preserver is floating right next to you. You have to grab it, even if it's the hardest thing your arms will ever do. Sorry to sound so harsh...but it's true.

The only way out is THROUGH.

Love, hugs, and strength to get through this day, and the one after that, and...
GiveLove
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Old 06-11-2007, 10:19 AM
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sorry hk, i'm keeping him and you in my prayers, i agree with some of the others, if you are really concerned about his safety, call the sheriff dept and let them know to check on him. maybe you don't exactly have to tell them why youre so concerned, just that you are. then maybe, they'll just kind of check on him without being too suspecious.
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Old 06-11-2007, 10:19 AM
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We hadn't really established that we had broken up and he is not necessarily my co-worker. He is a subcontractor for the building. I have worked with his company before I even met him. They are actually employees of our condominium.

Thank you all for your advice and words of wisdom.
I know that this man has little - if nothing - to offer me but distress and manipulation and lies.
I just wish it could be easier or that I could be stronger.
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