How long did you stay angry?
 

Hi, I still feel so much anger at my ex abf.

I feel that I it serves a purpose for me because it keeps me from answering the phone when he calls.

BUT, maybe carrying around all this anger is not healthy.

I've been feeling this way for about 3 months.

How long did it take you to let go of the anger??

Two months and counting. But I like my anger, because it's stopped me from falling for his manipulations again and from trying to save him one more time. Though anger isn't healthy, I've found my anger at AH has allowed me to be peaceful in the other areas of my life. I hope the anger will go away someday, but for now I need it to survive!

I have been here since 2005, and when times are harder than others i get anger. i get anger at the man that i love and care about because of his addiction. but in retrospect i'm more anger at myself than him. i'm mad that i can't do anything to help him i'm mad that things haven't turn out the way i think they should.

however, now i'm am taking the time to understand my own anger and take the focus off him and his addiction and bring it back to me. because it is my anger and the only way for me to stop being angery is to let it go. and accept it as anger. a reaction to pain and confusion.

I stayed angry until I let go completely and found acceptance in the fact I may never have all my questions answered and made my own closure. I held on to the anger in the beginning as it was enough to help me stay strong, but I tried not to hold onto it too long. I found that if I stayed angry, it set the road block up and I couldn't move forward.

I learned how to let go of anger when my son his his teen years. He could make some terrible judgements against me. We're all only human, I think all of us could be crushed by harsh judgements about what we've done in our lives.

I was as sick as my addict. We both were messed up. I let it go but I can do that now because I've really learned to love myself in a way I never did before. I really come first in my life and that's no BS. He can't do anything to me anymore because I've learned to take care of myself.

It was a long road to get here. It will happen when the Gods are ready :) Recovery is beautiful for all of us.

I guess part of the reason I still have all this anger is that there are still things around my apt. that i have to fix because of him..

Like my back door. The ex ripped off a drug dealer and long story short-the dealer broke in my back door. The door itself is ok, but the wall that is next to the latch is messed up pretty bad.

Also I have to replace broken storm windows and broken screens that the ex messed up breaking into the apt.

Yeah, i really picked a winner with that guy!

I was left with a lot of broken things around my house too........some still arent fixed. I look at them and use it as a reminder of why I'm no longer with this man and thank HP it was just some things that got broken and I was ok. Use them as a catalyst to stay strong. Sometimes when life hands you lemons..........

My back door is nailed shut for now.

I have to fix these things soon....landlord will charge me otherwise..

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.................

If I lived closer I'd come and help you fix that door. In my 5 year stint with my ex, I've become an expert at window and door repair, fixing holes in walls, fish tank pump repair, and have had to replace almost every electronic device in the house.............and yes..........all done with a BIG GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

I'm pretty handy myself........I found some help, too.

I'm gonna be moving soon, my rent is going up. It's a good thing in a way cause then i will have a place where I don't have memories of him....

Plus he won't know where i live anymore!!! His weird drugged up brothers won't know either! Or thier crazy girlfriends! Or the ex's crack smoking "friends"!

I won't have anymore of the ex ringing my very LOUD doorbell at 3:00 am !

You know what? I believe you actually would, too!!

Thanks!

yes i would!:biggrin: I'd even bring the cheesecake lol. Your new place will be a new beginning for you.........a chance to take back your life completely. You can decorate it the way you want.........have everything just so. I wish I had that. I stayed in the home I rented. I just re-arranged furniture, bought some new plants, pictures and crap..........made it my own. It was still a little sad for me though at first. I'd smell someone bbqing in the neighborhood and it would bring back memories of a time we used to cook out a lot............you know..........those dang ole good times we always tend to remember that make us cry?? It took a long time to get past that.

Cheescake too! Damn! I wish you did live closer!

You know what gives a whole new look and feel-paint-maybe try painting your place a bold color!

It just seems like things happen for a reason....maybe i was priced out of here for a reason.

I'm going to get a cheaper place-I'll save $$$ !!!!

I don't care if it's smaller, cause I don't collect that much stuff-I trained myself not to.

That's the only thing i love about my place is the outside porches-good for bar-b-que. I even do it in the winter!

I remember so many times the ex and i were bar-b-que-ing and he would dissappear all of a sudden...out smoking of course.

Hmmmmmmm..............I plead the fith on the collection of stuff, but if your rate is reasonable I'd be willing to pay for lessons. :lmao

My ex used to run off and snort...............sigh..............It took over a year before I had a clue. I thought he had a bladder control problem and that was the reason for the frequent trips to the bathroom. I actually felt bad for him! LOL

They saw that if you don't love it or use it and haven't used it in a year...get rid of it.

It takes practice....

I can't say I've later missed any of the things i got rid of.

"They" also say that when you get rid of something...you let room in for something new...this can be applied to your home or philosophically (sp?)

My ex used to camp out in the bathroom. I ended up taking the lock off the door!

BUT..................I may need it later.:lmao
That's why I have fat clothes, skinny clothes and in between clothes.

I have 3 blenders in case one breaks and 3 sets of dishes. I have window blinds that do not fit any of my windows, but what if I move one day? I have sheets that don't fit my bed, but I could make something out of them if I could ever learn how to make anything:irked:.

Do you have a visual of what my place looks like?? :biggrin:

Yes i do because...

Garage sales! I have always loved them. I used to have a habit of picking up things that I was going to "fix" later....never happened...plus my bf at the time had the same problem. We had all this fabulous stuff-antique furniture, etc. that was half broken and STAYED that way! Yeah i was gonna take a class on how to recover furniture with fabric-never happened? (apoulstry...apulstry..? can't spell today!)

Garage sales or craig's list are great for getting a new blender or blinds though, so donate or have a garage sale and get rid of some of that stuff!!

I can see saving the clothes...especially since i gained 15 lbs. moping over the breakup with ex abf! The pants I have on now sure came in handy!! Haven't worn them in 5 yrs until now!! I don't want to buy new ones 'til I lose the weight!


I do save some things..I'm not THAT good yet! I also have lots of fabric that I'm gonna make stuff out of some day...

.....collecting things I'm gonna fix some day....gee i just realized that I do that with men, too, not just furniture!

Maybe our homes really are a metaphor for our lives, like "they" say??!!

:thinking:hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
I have a few ex-boyfriends that sort of won't go away. I wonder if I could sell one of them really cheap and keep the unfitted sheets and window blinds. There has to be room for comprimise here LOL.

Whatever works!

That's too funny because I have one (ex bf) right here in my living room now!! Been hanging around alot lately...we are good friends now...he was not an addict, though...he's the one who helped me collect all the stuff. He's sitting here drawing pictures...

he does have his issues, but he is still real cute!! Wonder what I could get for him???