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Old 06-08-2007, 11:53 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Checklist of abusive behaviors-red flags


Red Flags For Abusive Relationships:

EMOTIONAL ABUSE includes hurting another person's feelings by saying cruel, unfair comments or by name calling, such as:

cursing, swearing and/or screaming at you

repeated harassment, interrogation or degradation

attacks on self-esteem and/or insults to your person (name-calling, put-downs, ridicule)

attacks on and/or insults about people you care for, your family and friends

threatening to "come out for you" at work or to your family

controlling and/or limiting your behavior (e.g.: keeping you from using the phone or seeing friends, not letting you leave the room or the house, following you and

monitoring or limiting your phone conversations, checking the mileage on your car, or
keeping you from reading material, ideas, activities and places that he does not like)

interrupting you while you are eating, forcing you to stay awake or to get up from sleep

blaming you for everything that goes wrong

forcing you to do degrading things (e.g.: making you kneel, making you beg for money)

using the difference in physical size to intimidate you

criticizing your thoughts, feelings, opinions, beliefs and actions

treating you like a servant or "underling" in matters of household chores and decisions

being extremely jealous, constantly accusing you of flirting or of cheating
spitting at or near you

using money to control you (e.g.: taking money from you, giving you an allowance, controlling how extra money is spent, forcing you to ask for and account for any money you get, and acting like the work you do at home is of no economic value to the family)

telling you that you are "sick" and need therapy

using physical disabilities against you or putting you down for your disability


PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE is any threat to do bodily harm to a partner, a child, a family member, friends, pets, or one's self (suicide). Psychological abuse involves not only hurt and anger, but also fear and degradation. The purpose of psychological abuse is to render you emotionally insecure about your own self-worth and to render you helpless and/or not able to escape further physical, sexual and/or psychological abuse. Examples include your partner:

threatening to punch, hit, slap or kick

threatening to use a weapon

threatening to harm him/her-self if you leave

threatening to punish children to "get back" at you

threatening to harm pets • throwing objects in your direction

vague threats such as: "You're going to get it," or "I'm really going to let you have it"

harming a pet to "get back" at you

smashing and breaking things

throwing objects around the room

punching walls, slamming doors

hiding, stealing or destroying your possessions

sabotaging your car

any emotional abuse which in the past was a prelude to physical or sexual abuse

SEXUAL ABUSE is any non-consenting sexual act or behavior. Examples include your partner forcing sexual activity when:

you indicate "no" and your limits are not respected

you are sleeping • you are drunk or high and are unable to say "no"

you are afraid to say "no" Or when your partner:

insists that you dress in a more sexual way than you wish to dress

makes demeaning remarks about how you dress

makes demeaning remarks about your body and/or body parts

minimizes your feelings about sex

berates you about your sexual history; blames you if you were sexually abused in the past or as a child

criticizes you sexually (calling you "frigid," for example)

insists on touching you sexually when you do not want to be touched, either when the two of you are alone or in the presence of others

calls you a ***** or a ****

has affairs with other women (often flaunting them) after agreeing not to have sex with anyone but you

physically attacking sexual parts of your body, (grabbing your breasts, pinching your buttocks, any touch that is unwanted)

forcing you to perform any specific sexual act that you do not wish to do (for example oral sex, or acting out pornography)

PHYSICAL ABUSE is any forceful or violent physical behavior. Examples include:

slapping
choking
punching
kicking
pinching
pushing
shoving
biting
spanking
scratching
grabbing
throwing bodily
burning
restraining
spitting
Other behaviors in this category include throwing objects at the partner, or using or threatening to use a weapon of any kind (stick, ruler, belt, whip, knife, spoon, gun...)


From the Domestic Abuse Project
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Old 06-09-2007, 12:03 AM   #2 (permalink)
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thank you!

Also...if any of this pertains to you....please look up all the stickies in Family and Friends and Women in Recovery.

Sorry....I couldn't read all this as I am in a vulnerable moment with too many memories/flashbacks at the moment.

Seems to be an issue tonight....but I can't think of another that needs more education and awareness!
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Old 06-09-2007, 05:00 AM   #3 (permalink)
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This deserves a bump up in the right direction.
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Old 06-10-2007, 03:51 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Lovestoomuch View Post
This deserves a bump up in the right direction.

I second that Loves,

Thank you Rae

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Old 06-10-2007, 08:51 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Good list..
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