Fear of moving forward
 

Most of my life I have felt I lacked some sort of entitlement for living the way I want to. I've felt (this is incredibly silly- you will all laugh) that if I ever thought that I was entitled to good things in life and to choose my happiness- the universe would somehow make something happen to prove me wrong.

This belief is EXTREMELY powerful within me. It prevents me from moving forward and instills this deeply ingrained fear. I'm wondering if anyone has ever felt a fear of moving forward- not quite trusting yourself yet or your self-worth? And if so how did you overcome it?
I wish I could take a magic pill and be instanteously instilled with self-esteem.
It's amazing how stubborn our minds can be to giving up negative ways of thinking that have been operating for us since our childhood.

HK,

I understand. To the world I looked like a secure person. Inside, whoa..totally different. I also have a daughter who is terribly insecure and I so want to give her some self esteem. If self esteem could be bought, I'd give my right arm so I could buy it for her.

You'll probably think "What in the world" when I say this, but this is what has worked for me. MEETINGS. I was thinking about this the other day, how I could explain to someone what face to face meetings have done for my life, but there is no way. But I guess that is because you can't explain recovery that comes from working a 12 step program.

All I know is by going to meetings and feeding myself what Al Anon teaches, along with feeding myself spiritually by learning more my HP, who I call God, have I come to the place where I am much more secure in myself. It's not magic. It sounds mysterious but it's not. Self esteem has come to me through working the 12 step program. The 12th step says, "Having had a spiritual awakening..." That's it for me. I've had a spiritual awakening and see my worth in my HP's eyes. And I am so very, very, VERY grateful. The way I live today and the way I feel about myself today, I wouldn't change for the world. I never want to go back to that old way of thinking.

And I know, yes, you're sitting saying, "Good gosh, couldn't she tell me something worthwhile?" HK, all I know is it's worked for me.

I know how you feel and I understand. I pray you'll find the path for you that leads to self esteem. If your fresh out of ideas, try meetings (but you have to commit to them...lots of them) and see where it takes you.

BIG HUGS....:hug:,
Hangin' In

just the fact that you are able to verbalize it, hk - is a great step in recovery. blessings, k

you are worthy.