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i dont knkow if im ready to file for divorce...

Old 06-08-2007, 11:08 PM
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Hellfire....mine even went to the first appmt with me. and one anger management class.
My counselor often reminded me of things I would forget when all was lovey. Reality checks, I call them.
She often told me that during her first interview with us that he spoke for both of us and when she pushed her authority figure (as a test) in asking me to speak, that if looks would kill she would have been dead.
I may have been physically still alive but I was dying all the same.
We also had to address my "insanity" because I was slowly conditioned and manipulated into living in an insanity that before I would have thrown rocks at.
And I had to look at what I was doing was not sane or normal.

Love that woman!
I still owe her a box of sand to put under her desk to dig her toes in!
I sent donations.....but .....I still owe her a box of sand.

Also there are good counselors and lousy counselors. Make sure you fit and feel good with the one you work with!
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Old 06-08-2007, 11:11 PM
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I stayed with my daughter's dad for 10 years!! I held on because I thought I was doing the right thing..........you know......keeping the "family" together?? The last night I was with him.........he held a gun to my head. I put him in prison and never looked back.

It started out as verbal........mental......and escallated into one hell of a nightmare physically. He raped me, beat me, threw me out of a moving car.........you name it. Trying to hold it together for the sake of my daughter..............I was so wrong and am so glad I FINALLY got out.
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Old 06-08-2007, 11:13 PM
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i believe i may never be emotionally ready to file. I also believe that by talking to others like here on SR and my therapists , others who care and may see things for what they really are, because my vision is cloudy right now. and also due to my low self esteem, i may not be able to see how bad things are and think maybe in some way i am to blame....so even though no one can tell me what to do or when to do it, they can present to me what exactly it is i am dealing with her and then based on those facts make a decision. for instance, i didnt know that DV and drugs were seperate issues, here i am blaming the drugs for his behavior when it is him with or without them....he is responsible for his actions.......
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Old 06-08-2007, 11:14 PM
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Yep, Lundy....... Glad you came up with the title, thank you. Read it!!!!!!

Also I think there is a Mary Williams? That is very important.

But, Lundy clearly states.....his main goal is to protect the woman because the men do not rehabilitate. Working with the men is his specialty.

HMMM>>>>I am going to have to check out Amazon.
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Old 06-08-2007, 11:19 PM
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i believe i may never be emotionally ready to file. I also believe that by talking to others like here on SR and my therapists , others who care and may see things for what they really are, because my vision is cloudy right now. and also due to my low self esteem, i may not be able to see how bad things are and think maybe in some way i am to blame....so even though no one can tell me what to do or when to do it, they can present to me what exactly it is i am dealing with her and then based on those facts make a decision. for instance, i didnt know that DV and drugs were seperate issues, here i am blaming the drugs for his behavior when it is him with or without them....he is responsible for his actions.......
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Old 06-08-2007, 11:22 PM
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Drainedwife..............if you can acknowlege you have low self esteem issues......what are you doing about them? If we can see something within ourselves that we need to improve, we have to take some steps to improve it. If you know that your lack of self esteem could be holding you back from seeing things clearer or making the right choices you need to work on that part of yourself.
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Old 06-08-2007, 11:34 PM
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God, this is painful!

I don't like to look back there! But loves your courage inspires me!

With tears, my sister's husband held a gun to her head with a hollow point and becasue she is ex-military and experienced with weapons...she said all she could think about was the way the hollow point would blow her head apart all over. And that her kids would see it.

Mine was so much smarter, he made sure he would never be prosecuted! That night he tried to strangle me, I bit his hand which was over my mouth as he was beating me in the back of the head with the other hand (big guy, celebrated bouncer). I bit him so he would let go or I was going to strangulate. I told him, because he was beating the back of my head and I knew that is where the optical is that I couldn't see. He laughed and said it was amazing I was conscious! I went to jail for biting his hand! After I told him I couldn't see, he drug me in the other room and tied me up.
Some survival kicked in......I went into full blown intentional survival hysterics, blowing snot out my nose and etc to convince him I was securely tied. Then he disabled my car. I loosened my ties, spent a great deal of time hiding in the woods in the cold of winter with a cold water flood, no coat and low-crawled in ditches for almost a mile. I did pull something black out to hide me as I crawled down the ditches as he looked for me.
And. I went to jail.
I was put in a cell.
He was roaming the halls telling jokes!
I wish I could say I learned it all that time, but it's not true.
I still loved him.

Today I can love someone and not be with them.

He should have been charged with all sort of things, including criminal confinement, but sometimes, Loves knows, small towns are....well, different.

Last week, see I still know about him.....he beat the **** out of someone in a bar.
The cops didn't like the guy he beat up and said they hoped he got the best of him!
Joking..... We all know he could kill someone......what's a barfight?

I think he probably has killed some people. I am pretty sure of it.

And I thought his problem was alcohol!
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Old 06-08-2007, 11:40 PM
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Lundy Bancroft

"Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft

I finally got the last name!

Drained wife, they say that codependent people have a hard time making decisions..

I know I often have a hard time deciding on even fairly small things....

I think that sometimes we can get beaten down by things, or rather people in our lives and we become unsure of ourselves and don't have enough faith in ourselves to believe that we can make the right decision....

Just keep gathering information, look at it from differnet angles...look at it logically...look at your feelings...journal your thoughts as they come to you and look at it later...you might see patterns.

It just seems like you are kind of frantic...like you think you have to decide EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW!

Maybe take a break for a few hours...go to a funny movie with the kids or something.

Maybe get a message.

The world will not crumble if you don't decide right away!
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Old 06-08-2007, 11:44 PM
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((Live))

What we had to go through was probabably one of the most traumatic things anyone can, but we are also 2 of the lucky ones. A lot of women don't survive at the hands of their abuser and live to help someone else get out of it. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that.
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